My name is Haley! Ye. Nuzzle. Other tumblr things #basic white bitch

The best of Jace Herondale

“It's me," said Jace. "Watching me play Scrabble is enough to make most women swoon. Imagine if I actually put in some effort.”

“Where did you get that?" Jace looked down and saw that the spider demon's poison had eaten a hole in his shirt, leaving a good deal of his left shoulder bare.
"The shirt? At Macy's Winter sale.”

“If I kiss you all day everyday for the rest of my life, it won't be enough.”

“I'm warning you, that jacket is sexy. The Institute could go up in sexy, sexy flames.”

“I was hoping they'd put up flyers like they do for lost cats," he said. "Missing, one stunningly attractive teenage boy. Answers to 'Jace' or 'Hot Stuff'."
"You did not just say that.'
"You don't like 'Hot Stuff'? You think 'Sweet Cheeks' might be better? 'Love Crumpets'? Really, that last one's stretching it a bit. Though, technically, my family is British-"
"Shut up, and get out.”

“Love is to destroy; and to be loved is to be destroyed.”

“Alec caught him as he began to slide down the wall. "Jace—"
"I'm all right," Jace protested, but his hand gripped Alec's sleeve tightly. "I can stand."
"It looks to me like you're using a wall to prop you up. That's not my definition of 'standing.' "
"It's leaning," Jace told him. "Leaning comes right before standing.”

“There is not pretending," Jace said with absolute clarity. "I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there is a life after that, I'll love you then.”

“I’m just a very naughty boy. I do all sorts of bad things. I kick kittens. I make rude gestures at nuns.”

“Actually, I prefer to think of myself as a liar in a way that is uniquely my own.”

And many many more :)

Try Not To Cry:

Mommy...Jonathon brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Jonathon shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Jonathon, got the gun from Valentine.

Mommy, please know; That I love you very much,

And please tell Jace; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet older neighbor; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with you, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an shadow hunter, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Jace, I'm sorry to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

15 Things to do when your in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"

To Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity:

1. At Lunch Time, Sit in Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer at Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You to Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once everyone has gotten over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With the Prophecy'.

7. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

9. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

10. Sing Along At The Opera.

11. Put Mosquito Netting around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

12. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ‘I Won! I Won!'

14. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, yelling 'Run for Your Lives! They're Loose!'

15. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, ‘Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

Excuse me. Have you seen my mind? I think I've lost it...

I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as me

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it.

"Immature" actually spells "I'm mature"

Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Don't interupt me when I'm talking to myself. It's rude.

Slytherin is the one to solve world hunger and not tell anyone.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects...copy this into your profile

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever read a 250 pg book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever turned around and questioned how you got on those subjects after an entire conversation, copy and paste this in to your profile.

If you think 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so they spread their 6-AM cheer to Martians, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this onto your profile.

If you get way too excited for books, movies, etc. to come out, copy this into your profile

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever wondered why the heck Canadians and Americans have to spell 'colour' differently, and use different units of measurement, copy this to your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile.

If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

if you've ever mown your lawn and found a car

if you've ever worn a strapless dress with a bra that isn't

if you've ever worn a tub top to a funeral

if you've aver stared at a can of orange juice cause it said concentrate on the side

if you've ever been accused of lying though your tooth

if you've ever been told you had something in your teeth so you took them out to see what it was

if you've ever used a bar stool as a walker

if you have a set of salad bowls that all say cool whip on the side

if your richest relative needs help getting his wheels off his house

If you have ever seen a movie (or show or read a book) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.

If you want J.K.R. to make a series about the Marauders, copy this into your profile.

If you have way too much stuff on your Fanfiction profile, but don't want to take anything out since you can't decide or don't know what to take out, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

put this
(o)on ur page
if u like music

1 out of 6 people are insane. except when you're friends with me and my friends, then 6 out of 6 people are insane.

When life gives to lemons, throw them at life and demand BIGGER lemons

Reality is more fun when you make it up

Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid!

Words may hurt me, but sticks and stones will bounce off my force field

So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?

I've heard that its possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it.

Love your enemies. it pisses them off

Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to

Tell the truth and run

When in doubt, say a quote

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?

When in doubt, make up words!

Ask no questions and I will tell no lies.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, the rest of our lives they tell us to just sit down and shut up

You say I'm not cool. Cool is just another word for cold. If I'm not Cold then I'm Hot. I know I'm Hot. Thank You for embracing it!

A postitve attitude may not solve all your problems, but it annoys enough people to make it worth it!

I'm not insensitive, I just dont care

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice? That's a really good question...i wonder...

What would happen if the whole world farted at once?

On a scale of one to awesome, that was purple.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't -- Hey! Nice carpet!"

I'm not afraid of death. What's it gonna to do? Kill me?

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

Rules are like paperclips. Meant to hold things together, fun to bend, and easy to twist out of shape.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."

RULES FOR HOGWARTS

- If death eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout TO THE BAT MOBILE!

- Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar

- I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month.

- I will not say 'dude, get a life' to Lord Voldemort

- I will not ask Snape why he stole Batman's cape

- Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda

- I am not to refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'.

- The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

- If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 10 minutes, I shall assume that I am not allowed to use it.

- It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

- "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

- Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey."

- I am not allowed to paint the House Elves blue and call them smurfs

- "So I was all like Avada Kadavra and he was all like. Dead."

- Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret

- No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

- Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in May...June...or July...

- Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such.

- I am not allowed to sing 'we're off to see the wizard' on the way to the headmaster's office

- I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group.

- Especially not with kazoos.

- The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".

- Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other house is forbidden.

- There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man".

...Even if I do conjure him up.

- Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow.

- The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.

- Especially in reference to Professor Umbridge.

- I will not write "Wizard" on my hat in sequins.

- I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"

- I am not allowed to dress exactly like Snape and ask him to call me "mini me."

- Snape does not want bleach, laundry detergent, or new underwear for his birthday or Christmas.

- No combination of these is acceptable.

- Murmuring “I see dead people…” every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny.

- Yelling “to infinity, and BEYOND!” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom.

- I am no longer allowed to sing my “own personal spy music” when I wander around the hallways.

- I should not remark that “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” when Snape gets angry. Ever.

- I will not give Hagrid pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals

MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of Jury duty.

If you can't beat them, confuse them.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something.

It's you and me against the world - we attack at dawn.

Life is just one bad thing after another. Unless it's a bunch of bad things all at once.

If you get good grades and still don't know anything at all copy this onto your profile

Normal people worry me.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.

First law of science: don't spit into the wind

May your life be like toilet paper - long and useful!

theres always a light at the end of a tunnel just pray its not a train!

take my advice i dont use it anyway

Jealousy is a wasted emotion. Which is why I recycle!

What does really suck? A giraffe with pain in his neck

Don't be open-minded, your brains might fall out

Homework? Do I pay school money to work at home!?

Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose

There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise

You'll never get rid of a bad temper by losing it!

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop

If at first you do not succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights do make a left

Everybody makes mistakes, thats why they put erasers on pencils

The road to success is always under construction

By the time you read this, you've already read it

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

Dont steal, the government hates competition

The higher you are, the farther you fall... so keep yur job at burger king!

How to annoy people

WARNING only read this if you wish to lower your life expectancy by a huge amount

Accuse people of "glue sniffing addictions" in public.
Add blank entries to a list, to make it look like it's longer.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles.
Announce when you're going to the bathroom.
Answer every question with another question. As soon as one of you says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!".
Any time a member of the opposite sex tries to talk to you, hold your hand up to prevent them from saying anything and say, "Look, I know what you're going to ask me... For the last time, no, I will NOT go out with you."
Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. Then eat raw potatoes.
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
As people talk, smell their shoulders.
Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")
Ask people what gender they are.
Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
At a restaurant, repeatedly send your food back for changes and after awhile insist that, "This isn't what I ordered!"
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
ONLY TYPE IN CAPITALS

The next time someone says "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me " HIT THEM WITH A DICTIONARY!

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary

I didn't fall for you, you tripped me.

Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?

Don't follow me, I'm lost too

It's always the last place you look. Of course it is; why would I keep looking after I've found it?

I'm sick of following my dreams, I'm just gonna ask where their going and hook up with them later

Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them

Set sail in a general that way dire

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.

If the world is full of crazy people, THEY'D MAKE ME THEIR LEADER.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubburn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

Have you seen my sanity? I seem to have lost it

364 days of the years kids are told not to take candy from strangers, but on Halloween it's encouraged! Why is that?

Things To Ponder:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

So what's the speed of dark?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?

What disease did cured ham have?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do alarm clocks “go off” when they start making noise?

Why do we yell “Heads up!” when we should be yelling “Heads down!”?

How can something be both “new” and “improved”?

Why do we shut up, but quiet down?

How did the “Keep Off the Grass” sign get there in the first place?

My forum:

/myforums/Luvingtheshadowhunters/5066940/ /myforums/Luvingtheshadowhunters/5066940/

Betareading:

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