Hello! I am Spider and the Fly. Pleasure to meet you! I AM NOW ONLY UPDATING ANYTHING ON AO3!!!!

Bio:

Gender: Female

Star Sign: Gemini

Age: None of your business ;)

Favorite Book Series: Currently Harry Potter. Nothing's ever topped that.

Favorite Anime: Currently Say I Love You. Also alternates with Blue Exorcist. Rin's adorable.

Favorite Manga: Case Closed. Grisly murders, sexual tension between men (though I am a fujoshi, so maybe it's all in my head), and daring escapades? Not to mention the beautiful deductions! Whew! *fans self with hand*

Favorite Food: Subway BLTs. Bliss on a bun. (And it's crunchy!)

Favorite Drink: Tropicana Fruit Punch. It's nasty and bad for you but I love it.

Favorite Desert: Um. Dairy Queen Chocolate Cheesecake Blizzards, size small? Um.

Anything I'm forgetting? Too much information?

Thank you for taking the time to read all this! ;)

Ships:

Naruto:

Legal Drug:

Tiger&Bunny:

D. Gray-Man:

No. 6:

X/1999:

Tokyo Babylon:

XXXHolic:

Harry Potter:

Tsubasa:

Kingdom Hearts:

Rise of the Guardians:

La Corda D'oro:

Cardcaptor Sakura:

I am an avid yaoi fan, so most of my stories will be about that or include it. (I'm just warning you.)

However, I do not write anything rated higher than a T for this site. Try AO3, if you're desperate for my smut. It's terrible, terrible smut. And poorly written to boot. Just saying.

A white man said, " Colored people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood. He then said:

"Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK,

when I grew up I was BLACK,

when I'm sick I'm BLACK,

when I go in the sun I'm BLACK,

when I'm cold I'm BLACK,

when I die I'll be BLACK.

But you sir, when you are born you're PINK,

when you grow up you're WHITE,

when you're sick you're GREEN,

when you go in the sun you turn RED,

when you're cold you turn BLUE,

and when you die you'll be PURPLE,

and you have the nerve to call me colored?"

The black man then sat back down,

and the white man walked away.

(Post on your profile if you hate racism.)

Why is your mouth so open if your mind's so closed?

Funny Stuff:

I got fired from the M&M's factory for throwing away all the W's.

A true idiot climbs a glass wall to see what's on the other side.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. But a best friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Let's do it again!"

You say I'm not cool. But cool is just another word for cold. so if I'm not cold, I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Boys are like Slinky's. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. (though some are cool, but its still fun to watch them fall down the stairs)

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend/girlfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed.

I used all my sick days so I called in dead.

Life isn't trying to pass me by; it's trying to run me over!

You're just jealous because I'm the only one the voices talk to.

The extinction of the dinosaurs was no accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

When in doubt, make words up!

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you!

Don't worry about the end of the world coming today- it's already tomorrow in Australia.

Kids are the future. Be afraid, Be very afraid!

Welcome to the dark side. We have cookies! Oh, that red stuff leaking out of them?...That's cooking oil.

An idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire their work.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss!

I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly.

Warning! Lost kids will be sold at the circus!

If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead. So SHUT UP!

I don't have a dog. I eat my own homework.

WARNING- stop throwing your cigarette butts on the carpet! Seriously, the cockroaches are getting cancer!

There are three kinds of people- those who count, and those who can't.

Welcome to the internet! Pants optional.

If I throw a stick, will you go away?

If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off.

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, the rest of our lives they tell us to just sit down and shut up.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

My imaginary friend thinks you have some serious problems.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

Love comes in many colors.

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Love your enemies! It really pisses them off!

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it annoys enough people to make it worth it!

The voices in my head don't like you.

Even if the voices aren't real...they have some good ideas.

A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."

Some people are like slinkies...they're not good for anything but it's fun to watch them fall down the stairs.

You can't make somebody love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope for the best!

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!

The statistics of insanity is that 1 of every 4 people have a mental illness. Look at your three best friends, if they're ok, then it's you!

Growing older is mandatory. Growing up is Optional.

Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it.

"You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never have."

When life gives you lemons squirt the juice in your enemies eyes.

Break my Heart I break your neck.

Flying is easy just throw yourself at the floor and miss (Not responsible for any injuries sustained from throwing self at floor)

You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

You're intoxicated by my very presence. INFATUATED! :p

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the titanic...

There's nothing wrong with talking to random objects, its when they start to talk back that you need to worry.

Who ever said that words never hurt obviously has never got hit by a dictionary.

Who ever says 'as easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried to.

I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

When in doubt, push random buttons!

You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

It's ok to argue with two characters on your shoulders.

Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty, I say, "Are you gonna drink that?"

The trouble with life, is there's no background music.

Do not walk behind me for I may not lead, do not walk in front of me for I may not follow, do not walk beside me either. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

I don't get even, I get odder.

If being an idiot hurt, then you would be in constant pain.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then throw it back at life and steal the oranges you asked for!

Light travels faster than sound. That is why...some people seem bright until you hear them speak.

An optimist is someone who falls off the empire state building and after 50 floors says "So far so good!"

Never drink water...if it can rust iron, think of what it can do to your stomach.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium, my work here is done.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Can I get caller ID for the voices in my head?

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!

Officer: How high are you?

Me: No, Officer, it's "hi how are you"

IDIOTS, RETARDS, AND MORONS:

this is this cat

this is is cat

this is how cat

this is to cat

this is keep cat

this is a cat

this is retard cat

this is busy cat

this is for cat

this is forty cat

this is seconds cat

(nOw ReAd ThE tHiRd WoRd In EaCh SaYiNg! iN oRdEr!)

How to get kicked out of Walmart

1: Wander through the store dressed in all black with a fake walkie-talkie humming the Mission Impossible theme. When someone asks what you're doing, scream "LOOK OUT!!" and push them behind a shelf

2:Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one.

3:Buy 350 packets of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" once the cashier tells you the price

4: Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can find some "musical devices"

5: When the announcer-thing comes on, throw yourself on the floor and scream "THE VOICES!!THEY'RE BACK!!"

6: Start a fish stick fight

7: Walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then scream "I MISSED YA, MAN!!"

8: (this requires a friend) Jump in a cart and have a friend push you around screaming "The British are coming!!"

9: Walk up to an employee and murmur "code red in aisle 3" and see what they do

10: Slip a bra and a lacey pink thong into a really macho-looking man's cart (just make sure he doesn't have any girls with him)

11: Attempt to fly off a high shelf

12: Throw confetti on random people walking into the store

13: Whisper "I know your "little secret"' to people in the checkout line

14: Stand inside the freezer at the frozen food section

15: Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...They want me to take you away...to aisle 8..

16: Buy 4 pigs and number them 1,2,3, & 5. Let them loose in walmart and watch security try to find the 4th pig.

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART (or more ways to get kicked out of walmart...)

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Fun Things to do in an elevator:

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space".
3. Grimace painfully while smacking you forehead and muttering: "Shut up, darn it! All of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. Greet everyone on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning at an other passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now -- motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracks to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "Oops!"
23. Show the other passengers a wound and ask if looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp and then say, "mmmm...tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-a-long.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the harmonica.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
45. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"
51. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
52. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
53. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
54. Call a bondage 900 line from a cell phone.
55. Hold the doors open and say your waiting for your friend, after awhile let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
56. Cat basket and take a nap in the corner.
57. Bounce a superball around the elevator.
58. Light a cigarette and tell people "Smokey the Bear doesn't know what the hell he's talking about."
59. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, scream "That's mine!"
60. Stand in the corner, reading a telephone book, laughing uproariously.
61. Bring a camera and take a picture of everyone in the elevator.
62. Move your desk into the elevator and when ever someone gets on, ask if "they have an appointment."
63. When the doors close, use duct tape and work furiously to tape the doors together. Ask for help.
64. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they want to play.
65. Bring a hammer and nails and hang pictures of yourself on the walls. Ask people, "Isn't that a good picture of me?"
66. Leave your 12 foot long python alone in the elevator.
67. Turn off the lights in the elevator to "conserving energy."
68. Leave a box in the corner and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
69. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
70. Clean your gun.
71. Ask, "Did you feel that, I felt a rumble?"
72. Dressed in coveralls, get in a full elevator and when the door closes, push the stop button, post an out of order sign inside and go to work on the access panel, saying "This may take a minute."
73. Push the call button, when the voice answers ask, "God?"
74. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
75. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open up again."
76. Push your floor button with your tongue.
77. Stand alone, when the doors open, tell anyone trying to get on that the car is full and that they should wait for the next one.
78. Swat at flies that don't exist.
79. Shoot rubber bands at everyone.
80. When the doors open, pretend that you bounce off a force field when you try to leave.
81. Ride Naked.
82. When people get on, ask for their tickets and check that they meet the "height requirements."
83. Push the top floor button, and announce that you tried to kill yourself yesterday, but the other building wasn't high enough.
84. Talk to people about "the golden age of elevators in the 50s." Explain why modern elevators can't compete with "gas-powered lifts."
85. Borrow small items from other people in the elevator, then shout "Weee!" as you drop them through the crack in the floor when the elevator doors open.
86. Jump Rope.
87. Bring a shovel and try to dig a hole.
88. When the doors close, menacingly announce that "it's going to be a bumpy ride."
89. Tell people that you can see their aura.
90. Call out, "Group hug!" and enforce it.

Do all this on the elevator of a retirement home, and then post how many people didn't look at you funny.

You see a kid abusing a puppy with a baseball bat.

97% of people would yell "STOP!"
2% of them would cheer,
1% of them would take the baseball bat and hit the kid then take the puppy to the Vet.
Post this on your profile if you are that 1%...