I'm a person, as far as you know. I write things sometimes. Some of them are worth showing to others, so I'll put them here.

Hopefully people will find them amusing or interesting.

Most of the stories were written and posted to SpaceBattles and Sufficient Velocity originally, usually involving feedback, ideas, and a lot of arguing for no good reason. I'll bring them over to here as I have time and inclination.

Anonymous reviews will be deleted, except in the rare case where I believe there is a good point made. I have found that the vast majority of them are flames or insults, which I don't have either the inclination, time, or ability to respond to. So away with them it is.

While we're on the subject, demands for me to write the story the way you want it will also be ignored. Sorry, but if I pander to that sort of thing it's a never-ending spiral to the bottom.

That's it. No more from me right now!

Update status below this line...

14th of March, 2017 - posted the first 24 chapters of Taylor Varga. Around a hundred and fifty to go currently :)

15th of March, 2017 - just been informed that the scene break markers didn't make it for some bizarre reason. I'm reinstalling them...

OK, I've now gone through all the chapters and fixed the formatting. Annoying FF for eating things randomly when the documents are imported! Bad FF! Stop it!

I'll try to fix this on the fly for new chapters, rather than after the fact. Sorry for the inconvenience of needing to work out where the scene breaks were manually :)

And now another 6 chapters as well.

And five more. That's enough for now, more soon.

16th of March, 2017 - added another 10 chapters. Enjoy.

17th of March, 2017 - added another 5 chapters, may add more later.

Also added the first part of one of the two other stories I started when I got into doing some Worm fanfic. It had promise, would have been much shorter than Taylor Varga, but I never did much more than a couple of chapters. I may well come back to it some day...

18th of March, 2017 - added another 10 chapters.

19th of March, 2017 - added another 5 chapters. Snowed under with work at the moment, so updates may be erratic!

21st of March, 2017 - added another 5 chapters.

23rd of March, 2017 - added another 8 chapters.

24th of March, 2017 - added another chapter.

And another one.

25th of March, 2017 - added Tuesday :)

And 4 more chapters

27th of March, 2017 - added another 3 chapters

4th of April, 2017 - as is often the case, life got in the way recently. However, another 7 chapters added.

5th of April, 2017 - added another 5 chapters

16th of April, 2017 - finally had some more time, added another 5 chapters. Probably more to come later

18th of April, 2017 - Added another 6 chapters

27th of April, 2017 - Posted a new story :)

10th of May, 2017 - Been up to my neck in work recently, hence the lack of updates. I'll get right back onto that as soon as I can! I've also finally got around to getting my half-complete Wordpress site off the ground, where I will post my stories in a format that's closer to what I originally intended than can be done here. It's lagging behind even here at the moment, though, for the same reason of not enough time!

Added another 8 chapters. I have a second batch of 8 uploaded, but they need to be formatted since the uploading breaks a few things that need to be manually fixed afterwards. I might get them done today, but if not it'll be tomorrow. Only about... (x=many) to go :)

11th of May, 2017 - Added another 8 chapters, ran out of time yesterday. More to come as time goes on!

12th of May, 2017 - Added another 10 chapters

13th of May, 2017 - Added another chapter. The next one to come is a PHO interlude and reformatting them for here is a pain, so it might be a day or two before I have time. I'll get on it as soon as I do! Thanks to everyone for the reviews :)

21st of May, 2017 - Added another 10 chapters. This means that AO3 and here are now synced up. I'll be posting new chapters to both from now on, slowly but surely. There is another 300 thousand words already written, and much more to come. So many words! Keep reading, I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do :)

And a couple of bonus chapters, just because I'm that nice!

1st of June, 2017 - God, is it half-way through the year already? Wow. Anyway, had a gap in work and added another five chapters. Still lots to go!

5th of June, 2017 - Another 8 chapters added for your delectation...

As always, thanks very much for the reviews. And to people who get all bent out of shape about the Omakes, bear in mind that they're clearly marked as such, so you always have the option of not reading them. Feeling 'let down' is a slightly weird thing to say considering you're getting free entertainment.

In my opinion, anyway :)

7th of June, 2017 - Added another 4 chapters

12th of June, 2017 - Added another 6 chapters

19th of June, 2017 - Added another 4 chapters

20th of June, 2017 - Added another 5 chapters

And another 5 chapters as a sudden 'I'm at a loose end' bonus!

28th of June, 2017 - Added another 5 chapters. That breaks the million word boundary in FF terms!

15th of August, 2017 - Been really tied up in other things for a while, but I finally had a chance to add 3 more chapters. More soon as I have the time. Enjoy!

17th of August, 2017 - Added 7 more chapters for your perusal

And 2 more, just to take it up to the next non-omake chapter, which is an PHO interlude. Enjoy your bonus!

19th of August, 2017 - Added another 6 chapters. PHO interludes are a pain in the ass...

20th of August, 2017 - Added another 7 chapters, including... some omakes! Fear them...

Amusingly, there's still about 50 chapters to go, so while I'm catching up to where the story currently is, I've only gained 100 chapters in five months. Xeno's Fanfiction Paradox at work, possibly :)

I also added a new story, or rather story fragment, one I worked on quite a while ago. More details in the authors notes at the start.

Edit: Damn, scene breaks got eaten again. They're back now!

21st of August, 2017 - As an eclipse special treat, I've added another 4 chapters! I probably won't have time to do many updates for a little while due to work, so that will have to hold you all.

22nd of August, 2017 - Since it wouldn't leave me alone once I started thinking about it, I've posted a possible end to Insect Outside.

23rd of August, 2017 - Found a little time to add another 5 chapters. Including the dreaded Omake :O

People of the Antiomakian faith will be pleased to note that following this there aren't any of the horrible, horrible things for several chapters. Praise Kaiju! :D

24th of August, 2017 - Just 1 chapter added today, too many other things to do!

25th of August, 2017 - 1 chapter added during a brief hole in my otherwise busy schedule :)

26th of August, 2017 - 1 chapter added, again I found a short moment of free time

29th of August, 2017 - 3 chapters added, policy on anonymous reviews updated

5th of September, 2017 - 3 chapters added. It's nearly six months since I started posting here, I notice. Hurrah. Thanks to everyone who reviewed my various writings, I hope you continue to read them as there is a lot more to come!

7th of September, 2017 - 2 chapters added

8th of October, 2017 - 10 chapters added. Sorry about the delay, nearly a month this time! Too many other things to do :( I will attempt in future to have real life make way for hobbies, instead of the other way around... :D

10th of October, 2017 - 4 chapters added

24th of October, 2017 - 15 chapters added.

As I have noted in the first new chapter, a question has come up a few times about the omakes, so I thought I'd take this update cycle to address it.

This story is posted first on Sufficient Velocity, and while it obviously has its detractors as is invariably the case, it also has a fairly active fan base. Many of them are authors in their own right and have come up with some very amusing omakes for the story, which always pleases me. I also have the occasional sidetrack which turns into an omake of its own. Now, some people have suggested that these should all be collected into a separate section, or series of separate postings, so as not to interrupt the flow of the story itself.

There are, mainly due to the way this site works, a number of problems with that. The most obvious one is that this would produce a lot of spoilers for the main story, as well as confusing people since there wouldn't be the background information that they'd probably want if they read them before reading 'Taylor Varga.' Another issue is that some of these omakes, mostly mine, although in a few cases those of others, have or will eventually become canon parts of the story. As and when that happens, I would either have to move them over to the main story line out of sequence, or delete and repost an enormous number of chapters to get them into the right place. Neither option appeals.

The end result is that the current method, while admittedly non-optimal, is still better from my point of view than the alternatives. If you truly don't care about the omakes, all I can do is suggest you simply skip them. They're all prominently labeled and this shouldn't pose a problem. I'm sorry if you feel this isn't ideal, I tend to agree, but we're sort of stuck with it now :)

The current rash of guest omakes dies down soon, since a couple of people were quite inspired for various reasons at that point in time.

31st of October, 2017 - 14 chapters added, the main story ones suitable Halloween-themed! Just under 60 thousand words to entertain you today. Enjoy!

13th of November, 2017 - 6 chapters added.

24th of December, 2017 - 10 chapters added. Merry Christmas, or other non-denominational holiday period of your choice. Sorry for the long gap in posting, I've been horrendously busy for the last month or so. I'll try to put more up before the New Year. But in the meantime, enjoy!

4th of January, 2018 - 10 chapters added. Wheee! First update of 2018! I was a little too busy with the holiday things over the holiday period to put anything else up, so sorry for that. But you get more words now to start the year with. Rejoice!

2nd of April, 2018 - 10 chapters added. Sorry about the ridiculous delay in updating. Work picked up like mad around the beginning of the year and I've been up to my armpits in urgent things. You know how it goes :) Anyway, around 55 thousand words to share and enjoy this time!

6th of April, 2018 - 1 chapter added. I thought I'd make up for the long delay between January and April with another chapter for you all, a nice long one this time :) Just over a year since I started posting here, but we're up to 326 chapters so far. Much to go yet...

And we're nearly at one million views! That I find quite pleasing.

28th of May, 2018 - 9 chapters added. Another long delay, I'm afraid. Way too many other things to do, but never fear, I'm still at it and will be until I finish, one way or the other! :) And we're past 1 million views by a comfortable margin, well over 1000 followers, and nearly at a thousand reviews too. This makes me happy.

30th of May, 2018 - Added a chapter to the BOLO/Worm cross. I didn't expect to do so, but it crept up on me :)

5th of June, 2018 - As an experiment, and because it's become more or less a standalone story, I've moved the four HP universe omakes to their own story file, and added four more chapters to that. They've been removed from the main story file and links to the new location put in their place. I really wish one could put real URLs in files on this site!

Anyway, griping aside, enjoy the chapters and new sidestory, and feel assured there is much more to come yet :)

1st of July, 2018 - The BOLO/Worm cross now seems to be a thing, with four chapters so far. I expect more will be added in due course! More Taylor Varga to come too in the near future.

5th of July, 2018 - Two more chapters added to the BOLO story. Don't get too used to this pace of updates, I've just had a few ideas wanting to get written down :) I need to get back to the lizards very soon. They're starting to do weird shit again...

6th of July, 2018 - One more chapter for the BOLO story. This will probably be the last for now as I have a lot of work to do, but I'll be back... :)

20th of July, 2018 - Time flies, doesn't it! And I'm busy, busy, busy. But I bring you two more chapters of the BOLO story, and a pair of omakes, since I know how you all LOVE omakes ;) The story unfolds gradually...

More Taylor Varga shortly, most likely.

28th of July, 2018 - Another BOLO chapter, a long one this time!

15th of October, 2018 - Wow. Long gap, right? Life being life, unfortunately. Anyway, I've posted a long Omake to the BOLO story, after various friends suggested a crossover with Mass Effect would be interesting. Hopefully it is :) More to come...

25th of December, 2018 - Merry Christmas! I bring the gift of words! Enjoy! Or a lizard will cling to your ceiling and grin at you all night long... :)

1st of January, 2019 (barely) - Happy New Year to everyone! I decided that you'd all been good little readers and deserved four more chapters. Don't read them all at once, you need to make them last until I return again... ;)

16th of January, 2019 - Hope the new year is so far going well for everybody! One short omake and one long chapter added to Taylor Varga. That's all this time, but more will follow :)

One more thing though; Recently I've had quite a few guest reviews that are basically just either (1) complaints about the story not being to the reviewer's taste, or (2) picking minor nits about a perceived spelling or grammar error, a fair number of which are due to differences between usage of Canadian and US English rather than an actual error, or (3) complaints like 1 or 2 about a different story of mine that isn't the one being reviewed. Or any combination of the above.

Please don't bother doing this. It's a pointless exercise for both of us. If I could turn guest reviews off completely I would, but unfortunately that's not possible. 95% of them are merely bitching exercises in the first place, and without an account attached, I have no way to reply to them anyway other than here, which is a waste of time, or as an author's note in the story, which is also a waste of time and also a useless waste of space. As I've said before, I will delete almost all anonymous reviews on sight, with rare exceptions if they make a valid point or are not just complaints. If you don't like the story, fine, nothing pleases everyone and that's entirely normal. Accept the fact that tastes differ and other people DO like it and move on to something more to your personal liking.

As the saying goes, "Don't like, don't read." Pithy, but valid :)

Mini rant over.

Peace out, dudes, and more words will be along in due course.

21st of January, 2019 - Added a new story I've been working on. It started as an Omake of Taylor Varga but grew rather larger than I expected in the week or so I've been fiddling with it. It'll probably top out at roughly 100k words, at a guess. Considering it told me it would be in the 10k range, I feel used... :)

23rd of January, 2019 - Added one new chapter to the giant Omake O'Craziness.

25th of January,2019 - Added one chapter of SuperGiantOmake!

28th of January,2019 - Added one chapter as above.

1st of March, 2019 - Already two months through the year! Have two more EnormOmake chapters :)

7th of March, 2019 - Added one chapter to the Huge Omake that Ate the World!

8th of March, 2019 - Added another one! Hurrah!

11th of March, 2019 - And another. Only four to go now. Enjoy

13th of March, 2019 - Added the obligatory PHO interlude. Those are SUCH a pain to format, especially here as the editing is very restrictive :(

14th of March, 2019 - Next chapter added.

15th of March, 2019 - Last two chapters added. The huge Omake be done! I hope the readers liked it, but it was a lot of fun to write regardless.

More Taylor Varga soon...

16th of June, 2019 - Added another chapter of The Long Slow Lizarding of Hermione Granger

23rd of June, 2019 - Added a short omake to For the Honor of the Regiment just to keep my eye in :)

27th of June, 2019 - Added another chapter of For the Honor of the Regiment! Yay!

Quick note while I think about it... If you don't like any of my stories, fair enough, but please don't waste either of our respective lives with constantly complaining about it. Especially in guest reviews. Those just get laughed at by both myself and some friends, then deleted. Go find something more useful to do, OK? :)

28th of June, 2019 - Added another, rather short, chapter of For the Honor of the Regiment! Purely because it wouldn't leave me alone.

1st of July, 2019 - Added another chapter to For the Honor of the Regiment.

3rd of July, 2019 - And another!

4th of July, 2019 - And yet another, this one with explosions! Yay!

5th of July, 2019 - Yet another one. Probably the last for a while, since I'm getting back to writing more Taylor Varga.

19th of July, 2019 - Looks like I had another chapter of For the Honor of the Regiment after all :)

28th of July, 2019 - Added another 10 chapters of Taylor Varga! Finally! Sorry about the long wait, life has been complicated...

18th of August, 2019 - Added the first three chapters of a new story designed to cause severe problems to the Mass Effect universe for reasons of amusement... Incompatible System has landed!

23rd of August, 2019 - Added another chapter to Incompatible System

31st of October, 2019 - Added Halloween Omake to For the Honor of the Regiment

1st of November, 2019 - Added followup to previous omake :)

11th of November, 2019 - Added another chapter to Incompatible System. The plot... advances!

24th of November, 2019 - Added a new story. Taylor Goes to Hell Mars! She's none too pleased about it...

27th of November, 2019 - Added another (short) chapter of DOOMed

6th of December, 2019 - Added another chapter of Incompatible System

8th of December, 2019 - Added another chapter of Incompatible System

9th of December, 2019 - Added stealth chapter of Incompatible System

23 of December, 2019 - Added Christmas Words! Another chapter of Incompatible System

31st of December, 2019 - Added another chapter of Incompatible System. This is probably the last time you'll hear from me this decade :) See you in the next one...

7th of January, 2020 - Whoo! New Year, and kind of a new decade if you ignore the problem of the actual numbering... :) So I start it off with a little omake for Incompatible System. More to come on this and many other stories this year!

10th of January, 2020 - Added another chapter of DOOMed

11th of January, 2020 - Added another chapter of Incompatible System

15th of January, 2020 - Added another chapter of Incompatible System

27th of January, 2020 - Added another chapter of DOOMed

1st of February, 2020 - Added another chapter of DOOMed

2nd of February, 2020 - Added another chapter of DOOMed

4th of February, 2020 - Added another chapter of DOOMed

14th of February, 2020 - Added another chapter of DOOMed. Feel the Love!

24th of February, 2020 - Added another chapter of DOOMed

5th of March, 2020 - Added another chapter of DOOMed

24th of March, 2020 - Added another chapter of DOOMed. Stay safe, everyone, and keep away from other people. You don't know where they've been...

8th of April, 2020 - Added another chapter of DOOMed

16th of April, 2020 - Added another chapter of DOOMed. Hope everyone is staying away from the horrible, horrible people!

29th of May, 2020 - Doesn't time fly when we're all inside? A chapter of For the Honor of the Regiment appears!

26th of June, 2020 - Finally got around to adding another 10 chapters to Taylor Varga! Rejoice! Also an omake to The Long Slow Lizarding Of Hermione Granger. More to come, stay tuned, don't let them breathe on you, and so on ;)

3rd of July, 2020 - Added another 5 chapters to Taylor Varga. Stay well, everyone :)

5th of July, 2020 - Added small omake to DOOMed just for fun ;)

22nd of July, 2020 - Still alive! Hurrah! Have another 5 chapters of Taylor Varga :)