more please

please continue

You've got a good story line going. Keep it going.

Yessssssss

I think your biggest issues are as follows;
1)Editing
2)The fact the Bella said that she had a crush on Jake at the beginningthis was never a storyline in the books or the movies, she always struggled with their relationship because she knew that he wanted more but she didn’t feel that way about him and felt guilty for not being able to be what he wanted.
3) the foreshadowing in the first chapter about how she needs to see him, and even though she’s mad she can’t seem to stay away, and how when he looks at her it’s like a blind man seeing the lightreally, cool it just a tad bit here.
4) The fact that Bella immediately knows how to use the mind link and how accepting/welcoming of everything she is. I know that she can stay level headed in a crisis, but she didn’t grow up hearing the legends like the boys did, and even if she did, this is before Leah phased in the books, so she’s the only girl, and now there’s yet another thing to alienate her from all her friends, and possibly eventually school and the rest of her life. No one is that easy going, especially not Bella.

I think that you had a great premise, and a great idea, but I think you got so excited to write it and put it out into the world, that you rushed it, A LOT, and didn’t properly plan anything or review anything. I personally couldn’t make it past the second chapter and I didn’t finish it. Not because the story was bad, it just wasn’t executed very well. It’s a little rough around the edges, and a little choppy to read at times, but it has potential. I’d love to see you put in the time to revisit it and edit/plan/properly organize/rework it. If you ever do decide to do that, let me know, I’ll definitely come back, but until then, I guess that’s all I have to say.

Continue please

9.
Chapter 9.
Bella pov CRAP CLAIRE YOUNG AN D ALL BEST FRIENDS B ITTEN THEM HARDER THEN vOlturi found out Blown but Assaulted b eaten then Markedb y them with him with his three with them witrthe both DRAINEDOF Blood fire were into were both plan etary take them here then screaming found guilty Shell-shocked elerctictied as all infected with both from dead creatures hair shaven then too laed then Destroyedfrom here then too late Broken then brought to the Morgue dead b ut too late failing heart skin/bon e then they came then to save us then were n ext with us/them POPPEDFreelybrought the corpses with his screamed of as allm azillions of the v enom traveled to our hearts died freely with both sib lings with them you broke this law Isabella die Blazed with them burst from here then had them KILLEDWith the bodies of us/best friend more guards then drained AlicE SHE'S Turning into a m ix so they they are attacked then myself felt no fire orpain flew open my Brand-new eyes then hated what Become a mon ster so bitter with them Nukedfreely brin g the corpses you are Cullens the nuked but popped then Snapped freelyb rought them then it was too late became a supernatural being with them then glowing BETAZED CRYSTAL POWER! MAKE-UP! Then a blinking gust of energy then the others yelled trilling more gloriously then Stood Guarded by Betazed the planet of Telepathy the soldier of the Mind SUPER SAILOR BETAZED IS HERE! Will punish you in the name of my protector world will SCORCH YOU! That had a power released so they then blownbut was unable to die anymore the hair with bangs grew long Alice they totured them but they are guards of us both then recruited then too late as all od animals killed drained first hunt for us were as all of murdered CRUNCHED Blazed freely thenbrouht here reported a sailor team is destroyed with them good they converted as a race hold as allm ore members blew apart snapped freely bring them now as all found Extinct from here then brought here then wiped out then were as all of them murdered then killed as all of the names killed a very hugest holes as all more guards as all of them suddenly bodies were into glass coffins dead aged by years then too late were exploding five nuked then more members were undead beings with looks of us/them destroyed now were Immortal beings suddenly news of us/them were not dying or aging living long and prospering were in our thirties by now or more were young-looking had gained yellow eyes were on a very strict milltary diet of both existing caused us to stop aging full time was parament Clamped brought here then too late killed then murdered now unable to be killed then granted a Betazoid magical sword then was a swordswoman in my previous life was reincarnated n ever be human had to fight to slay to train harder was too strong but was athetic but very fit stronger but powerful oh my god what a woman CLANG! ow my head there we are with kids from help followed blown with us the orphan ed animals aged but bown freely were immortal as all of the witnesses were next as well now myself was more toned was on a Vegetarian crash diet looked well but regained then never had more kids you ok allergic young lady you changed them as Vegetarians then Broken freely then brought here but never seen them but too late killed from here now as all of them blown freely more than as all exploding now came too late the bodies buried then decaying more then removed myself felt from here unable to be murdered were cursed.

Please finish this story it is really good

continue this story plez

please keep going!

Please continue the story

Yes please continue this story

I LOVE IT! ADD MORE PLEASE!

I believe that you should continue the story. I want to know what happens next. please update soon

Please please continue this story. It us soo good.