wow...after reading all this all I can say is...wow.

Oh, poor Corvo, he can never catch a break now can he? The last part was so sad...

As before, I notice a more bare-bones style than what I've seen from you previously. Not complaining :) (though now I do miss a few more dreamlike, description laden moments where Corvo goes through a world of whimsy, rainbows, and rotting souls). Also, the action has an urgency to it throughout, even (or especially) during the stand-off. I think, therefore, that the way you approached this, style-wise, you intended to fit what's going on- Corvo isn't surrounded by dark whimsy, may be addled by poisoned darts, and the focus is less on world building at the moment, and more on the stand-off.

It seems to me though your heart isn't quite in the dry style approach. The paragraphs in the beginning, where Corvo describes the time-stop ability and compares it to what the Outsider might do, have a few too many "and"s even for an "and" afficionado like me. Then the way Corvo says the Outsider could effortlessly stop time, then continues to say that the Universe would not be stopped forever even then, ends up feeling a bit incoherent.

But that minutiae aside, I'm intrigued by Daud letting the big baddies (not Big Baddies as I don't know who those are ;) ) live, and await to see how that will come back to bite him. Intrigued by Corvo saving Daud- though poor Corvo never struck me as a decisive sort, and he doesn't seem to have a wealth of good options anyway, so his constant vacillation between helping one side or the other has some consistency to it. He's not really helping anyone, he's preventing irreversible things from happening. He fears going to where you cannot turn back from.

And most of all, I'm moved by Jessamine's death. Now, I don't know the game character, and poor Jessamine hasn't had much of a part in this story. Technically, she's at best a damsel in distress, trapped in a box to be a carrot (or pressure point) for the hero. BUT.

One of your great talents is the creation (or great use) of some striking imagery. I commented about this on the Wesker story with the Lamias. There's all sorts of power plays and fantasy nooks hinted at in that story, all done with that kind of soft light that blurs things and leaves the reader's own darkness to provide the shadows.

And now Jessamine. Yes she's a damsel in distress, but there's a reason tropes work. And there's nothing wrong with using readers' instincts (like this idea that one can ride in and save the day for a lovely lady). Here's this character, trapped just out of reach of a character she loves (I believe), and who loves her. A character who has gone through more than most mortals in her universe, and who would return with the wisdom(?) of the void. A character who could be powerful, if released- and the particular kind of containment, into a small and fragile artefact, seems to be an image that resonates with me for some reason. (Maybe from the SF stuff, where storing someone on a memory chip isn't uncommon).

Then you kill her. So this is what GoT readers feel.

So yes, you still got it. You can get readers invested in a character with just a few strokes of the metaphorical brush, and if you wanted to test that and experiment in fanfic, consider the experiment a success. When the equivalent thing happens in Pathways of Loehr, I would suggest you postpone this moment a bit though, to rely less on fan knowledge (Jessamine's canon) or fan idiosyncracies (souls-in-talismans fetishes).

Cheers!

Oh man, poor Corvo; everyone wants to use him for some purpose or other :P

It's hilarious, in a gallows humor sort of way. For the first half of the chapter, there's tension maintained by the thought "will Corvo escape Daud?" I soooo rooted for Corvo to wiggle out of his bind and one-up the "rescue" party. There were moments where I thought, wow Daud's an ass (based on some hints of their past history). There were moments when I thought oh gosh, is Corvo actually getting away? Impossible, the story can't work that way, it would be too easy for him, surely he's fated for more bags on head and being a passive protag- but nope, he does escape. Yay!

And I was hoping Corvo would find Arella and outsmart Daud, and what do you know, it happens, and then it feels like nobody, least of all Corvo, knows what's the lesser of two evils :P

In other words, a lot of manipulating the reader into rooting for something or other is going on, so you haven't lost your touch after the hiatus. I was thinking, as I read this, that while the style is very much "you", it seems a bit less painterly than before, less interested in description, and more focused on moving the plot; or maybe it's just the contrast with the utterly surreal granny chapter. Not complaining ;)

And if I did feel a gripe with the plot, the chapter itself addressed it mid-way through. Basically, I was getting concerned that Corvo is too passive, or too much of a victim. He's been chained up for quite a while now, and then these other buggers show up to put a bag over his head and take him to some different cage. I get that a big theme is how obscure forces beyond mortal ken toy with us mere people, but the little bug could at least make an effort to swim against the stream. And as it turns out, he does- he wills himself into an escape, at least from one band of pursuers.

Ah, well, there was a gripe the chapter didn't address. Too little Hawke :P Dude's awesome, needs to romp in a story sometime.

Welcome back to posting here! I guess it's my turn now.

Cheers!

Love the writing. So complex! Arella and Hawk are starting to be my otp..., lolz. wierd, right? The Outsider and corvo will meet again I hope soon. Dauds okay, but reading for O/C mostly. Update soon!

I can't hold a candle to the other reviewers, and tend to be short but simple. Your story is hauntingly, beautiful and utterly, entrancing. Especially so with your fourth chapter when Corvo is within the Void. Gave me a few chills imagining the scenes you've so vividly painted.

This chapter is my favorite so far. The contrasting imagery with the two dances going on - one beautiful and light the other sort of nightmare-ish and dark- just amazing. There's definitely a lot you can pull from this and I love thinking about the philosophical and psychological connotations that it has.
How you write the Outsider himself is really cool. It's a different take then him just having a human touch and feel. You really captured his God like qualities in describing how just a touch felt like bone cracking. He really holds this dark other-worldly, actual god like quality to him that people don't appreciate enough, I think.
And Daud is here! Yay. In the last chapters when they mentioned Daud I thought, 'Yup that's who needs to go save, Corvo since he's in a jam'. The last line is just an awesome way to end this chapter. I can't wait to see how things go next chapter. Thanks for the read! :D

Ah, the title for this chapter is very fitting.

Here we see Hawk's and Arella's true colors! Manipulators T_T

You know, even if Corvo didn't have the mark, hearing that blasted music blaring in your ears all day, every day would drive anyone mad.

Something else that I love that you're doing in this story is Corvo's dislike of the Outsider. How there's this battle going on inside of him to reject his own power's and the god's interest but at the same time he kind of likes it. Which I see more of in the next chapter and will continue to talk about in that review hehe.

You can definitely tell (or at least people with brains can) the amount of research that went into this. That's one of the things that make this story so amazing, or any really, is when the authors commit themselves to it.

I think the imagery with the tiger and Hawke's obsession with it is very interesting. The Heart sounded spot on with her voice, I could hear it in my head. Corvo's distress about it being in the hands of these manipulative strangers was palpable.

Also, this chapter has lots of dialogue. I'm a dialogue kind of person :) The back and forth between Hawk and Corvo kept me on my toes. I don't like Hawk or Arella- they just want to use Corvo like everyone else does T-T Poor Corvo

Thought I'd leave a review each chapter ;)

I just want to start off by saying how much I admire your work. I aspire to write like you. The detail and description used for this story is like a movie in my mind and I'm swept away by it. This story draws out some interesting feelings and thoughts as well especially in regards to Fairchild and the corruption that was taking place under the Abby's nose.

And I love your portrayal of Corvo. How over the years he's just been more worn down by the world and he now has anything but mercy in his heart, especially for men like Fairchild.

The scene where Corvo uses his magic to slay those two guards outside the door and the last scene where he finally (cruelly) kills Fairchild are two of my favorites and I think two of the strongest.

Thanks for the read!

I read your commentary and completely agree with you about Lady Boyle’s Last Party. I loved that mission, the contrast between the rotting streets of Dunwall and then the pretty and clean party was a strange one in that it made you feel almost safe, despite a bunch of guards hanging around (and the overseers protecting the jelly…) but it also held something a little sinister. It even felt a little bit desperate – one last decadent hurrah for the wealthy. I think that sort of contrast is something you’ve captured well in this chapter, especially with the creepy alternate-but-not-really world through the mirror. Bland’s review on is definitely right in calling it dense, but as long as no one’s skimming, I think it’s pretty clear what’s happening.

I know I gush all the time about the details, but seriously… I love the little details you put in. Like some of the petals of Granny Rags’ magic fan floating into the mouth of one of the frozen partygoers, or the ‘Gristol white, Tyvian red and Morley pink’ wines flowing up towards the ceiling. You say you visualise things you write as a movie and it really shows.

I have to be honest when I say I didn’t feel too much for Granny Rags while I was playing the game. It was just a kind of ‘hey, this lady’s good for runes so I’d better do stuff for her’. Even though I never let her kill Slackjaw. But with this chapter, you actually managed to make me feel so very sad for her. She might be somewhat of a lunatic, but being completely devoted to some four thousand year old god must be tough. (Especially if said god likes another one of his little babies just as much/even a little bit more.) I liked her and Corvo’s little back and forth. Puts a nice dimension on their relationship, as messed up as it already is. I just got the image of two siblings bitching at each other while the exasperated parent rolls their (black) eyes.

Speaking of, it’s always nice to see more of the Outsider – let’s face it, the few times he pops up in the Void and at shrines it always leaves you hungry for more of his… oddness. Corvo seems to have that longing, as much as he doesn’t want it. Really eager to see what’ll happen that eventually leads to them doing things together. Knowing you, I bet it’s some pretty insane stuff. It’s nice to see him pretty much in character as well. And even with that edge that really shows a dark side (like his ‘paternal to predatory’ expression.) I think some people have a tendency to write him as too… nice? Like he’s just Corvo’s rather deadpan boyfriend instead of a deity. A little glimpse into the potential of him being something more than just what we’re shown of him in the game, the expansion of his character rather than the subversion of it, gives him a lot more depth.

I’m sort of glad that Billie got her wish of being marked, not just because I love her and want good stuff for her (yeah, I’m a total fool…) but because, like with Outsider, it shows us some more of her character – another ‘what if.’ And now I really really want to know what her powers are (it doesn’t seem like they vary hugely between Marked, but it’s still interesting. I love learning about new stuff characters can do!) And I like how she wasn’t really up for taking any of Corvo’s crap. You’ve kept her pretty in character as well in that regard – she was strong in Knife of Dunwall, and she’s still strong here. Oh, and Daud. Yeah, he might have to restrain Corvo. I don’t even know what to say about that. Yes, good. Chain him up, er, chain him up some more. Nice.

Daud is also IC (maybe I should just write a big ‘you did everyone in character’ over everything so I can stop mentioning it?) and I like how you’ve managed to mix his sadness and pity with his tough side. He doesn’t drop it and go to pieces in guilt in his DLC, but it isn’t really a passing thing either. Also, his (and Billie’s) change of wardrobe? Fuck yes. Very assassin-y. Practically verging on ninja. Though I’ll miss the Whaler masks, got a bit of a thing for them, I get that a different climate calls for different clothes. It’s a good way to add to the world that’s been built up in the game as well, a nice twist on something already established (river krusts) and using it for something in your own story.

My favourite part surprisingly isn’t to do with Billie or Daud. It’s the paragraph where Corvo’s stumbling over himself while talking to the Outsider, trying desperately not to sound like a ‘jilted lover’ or ‘wanting and needy.’ I love the little cracks in a character where there is that element of desperation, or madness. It makes them so much more human, so much more relatable. Who hasn’t been talking to someone they hated (or loved) and thought ‘fuck, I am saying completely the wrong thing here’? Anyway, that was the thing that really stood out for me. I’m envious of how well you can write dialogue (I still can’t make mine long enough – it just all seems to be short statements.)

Just some little bits of description I also liked were: ‘…whales dragged the decaying ballroom by chains through a lavender gray sea, their song of doom vibrating the soles of his boots.’

Entirely surreal, but at the same time very vivid without going overboard and drowning in words.

‘The hulking animal sat on its haunches and groomed its large paw with the languid half-lidded contentment of a housecat.’

I nearly forgot to mention the Tyger – that would have been a terrible oversight. Looks like the heart was pretty spot on when she said that Hawk sees the cat in Corvo, since it manifests as his soul in this chapter, and after making Corvo stalk over rooftops and pounce down on people, I have to say it fits him. At least it’s not some giant crow, lol. I must have said a dozen times already that I like the sort of alternate versions of creatures from our world (like the whales, wolfhounds and, here, the Tyger) so I hope his soul-Tyger makes a reappearance sometime!

Anyway, awesome chapter again. Looking forward to Daud making Corvo a nice cup of tea when he eventually gets him into the catacombs. Hey, he’s the guest after all.

:)

Sticks and stones etc, I'll begin with a comment not quite about the chapter, but you'll know where it's coming from. I wish this, perhaps post-conversion into a stand-alone, original story, would be such a ravaging success that it single-handedly makes publishing look like a still viable business.

Sadly, that won't happen- but that's because unlike that book everyone loves to scorn, this is fundamentally Weird. (And well written, so it's not like it's going to get a cult following on youtube made up of people reading it "ironically") But don't let that discourage you. Stay Weird, stay as-close-to-unique as one can be in a world where several billions of us have lived.

Enough of that, let's get to the chapter.

I wonder whether you've been reading those Requiem comics I sent ya. Perhaps Dishonored is sufficiently broad in visuals, but there were parts where I thought, this looks like you took something from Requiem and ran with it and made it even stranger. I'd approve :) Heck, I'd be interested to see this chapter in particular turned into some kind of comicbook issue, and in my dream you'd get a hold of Olivier LeDroit and make him illustrate all this. Yes, I know you're an artist yourself, but poor LeDroit's been tortured by Requiem for years now, he has experience with multilayered, rich imagery.

Indeed, if there's a nit to pick, is that this would imo work better as a graphic novel. We've had this exchange before, I think :P where I'd say a chapter is a little too dense on description. It's imaginative, it's strange, it's interesting, but it's constrained to trickle into the mind one sentence at a time, and I often have to read and re-read, get a piece of the setting in, then go back to get another, slowly assembling a jigsaw of what the Void is like. Were this a picture the punch would actually be a punch, all at once. Either that, or comics made me soft and unable to tackle difficult reads :P

For a lot happens here. Poor Granny. Even without the backstory being present she shines as a pathetic, even tragic figure. She's definitely not the sort sensible people would like to hang out with, but even so I cannot help but feel, like Corvo, pity at just how deluded she is. The screaming witch lives her defeat forever, and Granny is aboard the same train, just unaware of it. Will the delusion remain to take the sting off?

The plot moves on as well, though I don't believe the Outsider for a second, even when he brings gifts, as they say of the Greeks :P The Outsider wants to die, he claims ... not sure whether I buy this, but the plot hints at powerful cards kept hidden before play. That segment also addresses something interesting about Corvo. He's been, at least to my impression, a bit too fickle, too undecided and undecisive, unsure of what his place is. Wouldn't I know it, the Outsider noticed that of Corvo too, and noticed great potential in that- potential for chaos, for who knows what such an unstable agent might end up doing in the end. Maybe even topple a god. Maybe.

(On another front, even if they barely get mentioned here, I'm still very interested in what Hawke and Arella are up to. Hawke with his can-do cunning, Arella and her mystic mission- compelling characters the both of them, OCs even. They deserve a story of their own at some point; they've outgrown Dishonoured.)

You mentioned in a PM some concern about James Bonding it. I didn't feel like this was happening. Instead, it felt like a genuine confrontation between two, then three characters, in which nobody got saddled with the role of exposition fountain while the other[s] got saddled with captive audience. We had Granny's great love, Corvo's ribbing of her delusion, the Outsider being all outsider-y and secretive, and Corvo again being almost a duplicate of Granny, but still seeing the strings.

And the bit about the dream kneecaps and dream bruises was a nice comedic touch ;)

Lovely chapter. A tricky read, yes, requiring imagination to piece the puzzle of your imagery, but it's imagery that sticks once assembled. A morbid ball of demons dancing among emaciated corpses; a screaming witch turned to a tree; another witch putting glamour on her aging body for a lover who probably cared about nothing, and certainly nothing human.

And a protagonist whose wants are so inscrutable to himself that he might even be unreadable by the omniscient.

Okay, let me first say that I very thoroughly apologize for not commenting sooner.

And then let me take a moment to fucking fangirl incoherently over here. I have been such a huge, huge (seriously huge) fan of your Resident Evil fic for a really, really long time, and I am unbelievably excited to see you writing for Dishonored.

And this fic is beautiful. I just-I can't! I cannot even.

Seriously. Everything that happens has me super anxious for what's coming next. I NEED TO KNOW.

I have always thought that you've incorporated your original characters exceedingly well into your stories, where most times I give the side eye to stories that have a plethora of OCs. I don't know how you do it, but you make them fascinating and multifaceted and I am as invested in them as I am in the characters from the source material.

This fic is no exception. I am very much sitting on the edge of my seat, biting my nails with worry for Corvo. I don't know who to trust, and I have to say, I rather like it.

Anyone who loves fandom wank, grab a chair and some popcorn. We'll be here a while.

You know, any normal, rational individual would have saw a baiting tactic for what it was, but not you. Then again, I imagine you were simply too eager to vomit your hate in public view that you didn't think clearly.

So what I have now is a Smaug's treasure trove of backpedaling, repetition, contradiction, and deliberate misinterpretation of story content. Your hysterical wailing about FBI (lol whut?) and copy pasta of the wiki copyright rules are fucking priceless. Screaming about copyright on a site whose very existence is violating copyright is like a vegetarian bitching about meat on a meat lover's forum. It's asinine.

Where do you see "you must follow original canon" in that copy pasta? What I see is legalities about profiting from another's work. Taking their characters and claiming them for your own - which no one does unless they want to be sued. I have a disclaimer on my profile. I don't profit from this material. Understand? No money, honey. If I make no money, and make no claim on said material, then yeah, I can do what I want. And until Arkane studio lawyers (or the FBI, lolz) come a knocking...then you'll have to be content with ranting about shit you can't control.

But hey, let's talk about this so called canon I'm violating, kay?

The Fox says: Corvo and Daud aren't gay!

Maiafay says: It's all interpretation and can't be proven either way. That was the dev's intent from the very beginning. To create a game that could be played a variety of ways, and interpreted in a variety of ways. Head canons non withstanding, even if the dev's suddenly posted that Corvo is flaming hetero, it wouldn't matter because again, what you fail to understand is that I can always do an alternate universe. And I can always deviate from the source material if it suits me. Again, no profit, no claim. You're SOL.

The Fox says(paraphrased): The Empire is gone. The Overseers would be powerless, blah blah, that ending isn't canon.

Maiafay says: Actually, the devs confirmed that all endings are "canon" via twitter. The Empire "falling" is up to interpretation. Technically, Serkonos, Tyvia, and Morley are independent from Gristol (again, confirmed by Harvey himself). They have their own governments and are in alliance with Gristol by force or by choice. In my story, Dunwall falls, but Gristol hasn't been obliterated. The Overseers cleaned up the mess. This is implied through my chapter one by dialogue and Corvo's thoughts. I don't need to spell it out to you.

The Abby of the Everyman religion, to me, is tantamount to the Catholic religion. All because the Pope dies, doesn't mean the entire religion goes with him. There's the Circle of Ascension consisting of Elders. The High Overseer is a living EXAMPLE of the strictures, but I don't think he runs everything. Like Bishops and Cardinals to the Pope, these Elders probably take care of other business. Use fucking common sense.

The Fox says (and now I'm suddenly reminded of that stupid ass song on youtube by that weird group with the Fox making those freaky noises...fitting, I suppose.) If the Outsider wants Corvo, he needs to go after Granny Rags, Daud, and the Unknown Child.

Maiafay says: Um, slippery slope much? And it makes what kind of sense? If I have a thing for someone, why the fuck would I go after anyone else? I don't get this weird logic of yours. Same with Daud killed pedophiles so he isn't gay. Since when does Pedophile gay? The last I checked, pedophiles liked little girls too. Logic fail again.

Ahem, anyway moving onto my story itself where I don't name the Duke. Actually, I do within the first few paragraphs. Gerald Armas. I guess you missed it, huh? Same with Corvo getting hit in the face with the mace. Never happened. It thunked in FRONT of his face and turned as if displaying itself for him...but that's the extent of it. Same with Arella being a slut. No, she doesn't fuck everyone. She wants Corvo. Hawk never touched Corvo in that manner. Fairchild did, and that was to display how corrupted he was. Notice how I have Corvo kick his ass. No titillation there, no matter how hard you squint. So...not sure where you got everyone was doing everyone from...or this so-called porn. Where?

The Fox says: Corvo is a hypocrite.

Ah, takes one to know one, doesn't it?

Corvo isn't perfect. If he was, it'd be a boring game and boring story. Yes, he has the flaws. Yes he blames shit on people. Yes, he got himself caught. Did you play the game? High levels of difficulty have the music boxes taking more than your magic. They fuck up your health. He had several playing to subdue him. And I suppose Corvo in the game was only pretending to be duped by the Loyalists, and only pretending to fail at defending Jessamine. Yeah, so inept.

You seem to make it a point to bring up my blog. Why? I don't explain anything there that I don't reveal in the story. The Corvo character thing was an exercise for myself and for another writing blog group - and that can be edited. Anything here, and there, can be edited. Nothing is written in stone. I left what happened at the Lighthouse vague for a reason. It can be changed any time, and at my discretion. It's my story. My right.

Speaking of which, you seem to keep insisting my writing is shit. Are you expecting some sort of response to that? Because I'm secure in the craft not to be intimated by some harpy who can't decide if she flamed me, or critiqued me. Make up your fucking mind. Was it a crit? Was it a flame? Can't be both. And I have yet to see how you would reword any sentence, or correct punctuation, or where to create more tension, quicken or slow the pacing, or anything of value besides bitch about the slash.

And that's what this come to. Slash. Your hate and intolerance of it. But guess what? Not my problem. That's your problem. I'm writing what I love; you're reading and rereading what you hate. Which of us is the sick one? Which of use looks more the fool?

You reviewed a story you admit to hating multiple times. How fucking idiotic is that? These long, weird, mentally unstable rants that make no sense because you make no sense. You must realize that the majority of people despise you and don't find you amusing at all. You're tedious, egocentric, arrogant and narcissistic. You think the world must adhere to your version of canon, even when refuted several times that your version isn't the right one. You are not here to enforce anything. You're fucking blight on any fandom you disgrace, and yes, I will continue to offer encouragement to those authors you bully. No one should have to read your hate propaganda. No one should have to deal with your twisted ideologies.

If I can keep one author writing after your harassment, then I've ruined your fun. And nothing makes me happier than fucking up your plans.

By the way. Go ahead and report me. There's nothing in the future that won't exceed the rating...and you can't report for slash. You can't report for so-called canon violations. FFNet staff is MIA. The reason I know this is you're still here.