Was sesshaumaru a virgin?

Oh shit! K-Pop reference! I fucking LOVE K-Pop! 4Minute, SHINee, Super Junior, Jay Park, Brown Eyed Girls, Infinite, BIG BANG, Exo, U KISS, etc.. love it!

lol. Such a sesshomaru kind of ending.

Okay, that was super cute. Not so overly so that it was silly or stupid. It was just the right amount. :-) I really loved how you incorporated Naraku and Kagura into the story. I haven't seen that. Usually its Naraku is really nice then evil at the end so thus switch was refreshing and awesome. Thank you for writing it like that. In other words, I LOVED THIS STORY! I di wish there was more but thats just me being selfish and not wanting it to end. Lol

Keep Writing!

-S

oh wow love it love it wwwooowww

ok that was good too

I loved this short story, and I'm glad I read it again!

Alrighty m'dear. Pull up a Chair.

First and foremost, I appreciate the fact you revisited this story. Read it when you posted the original way back when, and I hope you can appreciate when I say this, but I found it difficult to like it because there were varying OOC moments. It wasn't bad, just really messy? So to keep this review on topic, I'll list out three strengths, and three opportunities :)

Strength:
1. Of course, your sense of humor! It keeps the story light and moving at a good pace. In some people's writing, (mine included!) a story gets so serious and so bogged down that the reader gets bored and skim reads for 'gosh when does this pick up again?' You know what I am talking about here for sure. This story does not have that issue. It moves at a good pace where you can explain the plot, and not bore the readers. Good balance, it works very well here! I especially loved when Sesshoumaru cuts Kagome off when he's explaining to her mother that she can live with them 'just as casually as if he were talking about the weather' I was laughing hysterically because I can totally see that happening :)

2. Well balanced details here, which I personally enjoyed seeing growth in. Its hard to put in the plot details, and balance it with the details of 'what color of shirt is she wearing today' details that don't always impact the story. I know for you it can be hard to find that balance, and I was GREATLY impressed by your work here. I think it was a perfect. I didn't find myself getting lost, or filling in holes that I would have liked to know, but at the same time, wasn't swimming in useless details that don't matter either. Great great job here as well!

3. Use of characters. I enjoyed that for the fact there was a small cast in this story, that it wasn't as boring as 'Kagome said 'bleh' Seshoumaru said 'Hn' and then Naraku said 'heh' (Rinse and repeat x20) There was a lot of dynamic, various scene changes - and that was very refreshing when compared to the first version where I feel it was a very cut and dry, stayed in the apartment with just those three characters the entire time. I ESPECIALLY loved Jakotsu. That was super refreshing with adding him in, and I think you could have gotten away with even more appearances, but I don't know how much you wanted to drag out or not. None the less though, very fun characters to interact with for sure!

Opportunities:

1. Be really careful with what characters say what, to ensure they are kept in character. If there is a reason you are allowing them to break character, make sure that is elaborated in the story as to why they are stating things the way they are. The biggest example I found in this story was when Sesshoumaru is talking he says, "We're dating, you can tell me stuff" Opinion here, but when Sesshoumaru is frustrated, he becomes even more precise with his words, so I can't see him saying 'stuff'. For other characters as well, really make sure you are keeping true to their original characters. I know in this story is AU so they CANT be the same as they are in the manga - but explain WHY in your story. That's what allows you to have 'OOC' moments, pretty much, defend your case. Is it because he's young? Inuyasha died at age 5 so he lived a life of bliss and knew no misery? (Haha He wishes, right?)

2. Be careful not to force an ending. When I read this story, I feel you fought tooth and nail to bring the story to the fluffy, 'I love you moment'. When I read it, it didn't feel to be a natural progression, nor a cute 'awww' ending where my heart melted. The stories that have that emotional payoff have a fluffy cute vibe, throughout the entire story, making it a complete wrap up at the end with a pretty bow. For your story here, it was mainly humorous with a bit of drama thrown throughout, so looking at it in terms of math comedy drama magical love moment at the end? It, to me, in my opinion, didn't fit. As girls, it feels right to end a story (especially a one-shot) with the new couple confessing their feelings, but as a writer, we have more freedom to end it before that stage. They could have had a fight or obviously, many different things, but the 'I love you' felt forced forced forced to me, and because it wasn't set up throughout the story, I didn't feel special or joyful about it, it was more, okay the story is over now.

That's petty, and my opinion, so its 100% okay if you disagree. I at least wanted to challenge you to look at it, and see maybe if you can see that too? It may be as simple as preferences as well, I am quite a picky reader ;)

3. This one is minor, but I don't want to say picky, because its important. Scene breakers. When you upload your Fic, when its uploaded to your library, there's a breaker button you can press that inserts a line to cut away one scene from another. It makes a huge difference to have that line there, because for this story there were times where entire days/characters/circumstances changed, and there was no warning. Made my head spin while I was trying to figure out what just happened. I know that you usually type out a line, so I think this was more uploading error than a true error error, but none the less, it is noticeable. Please add the little lines for my sanity :)

And thus concluded my review! On the whole, very fun and light hearted, and great fun use of the characters. I hope you enjoy looking at the two as a side by side to see where you've improved! Always very encouraging as a writer to see that growth! Keep at it and thanks for the read!

Midnight

you did an amazing job on this story

This story sounds interesting, keep it coming. Happy Easter!