~Review of Chapters 1 – 5~

As far as PMD fics go, Power Trip is one of its kind for sure. It doesn’t rise to the goofiness of Silver Resistance, but doesn’t display the grim realistic nature that PMD: Rebirth and A Home Far Away show either. Instead, it settles for its own unique feel in between the two extremes, offering something that’s a bit on the simpler and goofy side, but has its own charm all the same.

Right from the start I notice two things about this story: One is that you’ve got some nice imagery going on, and despite the first three-or-so chapters being spent amidst a strange storm in relative danger it still feels cozy to read. The second thing is crap that’s a lot of words. Or rather, I guess it’s where the words are going that makes me think that. For instance: in the middle of Chapter Three, there’s a section where for several whole paragraphs the prose is just going on about the differences between Quil’s and Squirtle’s bodies. Which is great, and there’s some really good imagery there, but that also means that for five whole paragraphs the story just stopped. I remember this as being the low point where I basically almost put it down because nothing was happening for so long. I feel that this is because the explanations and imagery in prose isn’t being blended very well with what’s going on. It’s not that these things are boring to read as of themselves, but more that we’re being pulled away from more interesting things to read about them. When faced with the decision of knowing how different the contrast between Quil and Squirtle’s bodies are and learning what happens next, I choose the second one by default.

Most of the things that I have to say focus on after they reach Karprest, to be honest. Most of the canyon trek was used for basic exposition and setting up things that are going to either pay off now or be revealed for earnest. One thing that I will comment on, though, is how after Quil and Squirtle defeat the zigzagoon, it bows to them and allows them to pass like it was a gatekeeper. Which makes me wonder about the state of ferals in this world. Are they just like uncivilized pokemon? Quil *says* he was raised in a forest, but East Steppe has to be a settlement of some sort. When the Paras shows up it’s also stated that it has ‘the wild in its eyes’, and I’m not sure whether to interpret that as it falling back on its instincts or it just genuinely not being capable of higher thought. I kind of feel like it’s the first one since they weren’t really in a dungeon, so I doubt it’s dungeon madness or something similar. Assuming it’s the first one, it makes that scene like a ‘you are a worthy opponent’ sort of thing, and if it’s the latter, I wonder if it’s some sort of twist you’re setting up for later. Not sure yet.

“That would be like a Mudkip named Kip, or a Charmander named Char!”

SR burn

Something I liked was the unique culture that this world seems to have. Pokemon greet each other with headbutts, trust others fairly blindly, perform strange rituals to evolve, and are completely lax about being called by their species name. Very not-human. But they’re also above the common animal too – they aren’t peeing on things to mark their territory or sharpening their claws on other pokemon’s houses. It makes for a very interesting alternate culture to take note of, and it’s one that feels very real – I could actually see pokemon having this sort of culture. Names like ‘wets’ and ‘grounders’ help seal the deal and make it into something that’s very not familiar, but also not too out there either.

I also wonder about Squirtle’s character development thus far. Namely, he has not been taking his yeeting into the PMD world very well. He seems to be terrified by the fact that he has instincts and a non-human body, but at the same time that’s leading him towards almost psychopathic and unhealthy tendencies. For instance, I can understand being cramped, but I think that his reasons for not staying in the Kaprest refugee center are just a bit paranoid. It’s like, he’s taking it way into overdrive, and I can already see things to the contrary popping up in the story (like his fight with the zigzagoon). I imagine this was completely intentional.

I think it’s pretty obvious from the moment we read about lightning striking that tree that this storm is the product of electric-type meddling (What are they called in this universe, anyway? Thunders?), whether by accident or on purpose. Although it’s not immediately clear to me what purpose it could have – unless someone wanted to destroy or damage Karprest. The immediate suspect who comes to mind is Luxio Stolt with the intent of creating a crisis that Biba couldn’t handle and taking over in her stead, although I doubt his ability/courage to do something like that and he could very well end up being a red herring later on. And if it IS the case, then I question the characters for not catching on sooner. Quil and Squirtle get a pass because one is basically uneducated and the other got mindwiped, but it feels like at least some of the civvies in Karprest should have gotten a clue.

So, overall, what I’ve read so far is interesting. I assume the bulk of the plot is going to be a trip to the volcano of Iryodenin (Which is gonna suck for Squirtle, being a Wet), but honestly it seems like things are being set up in Karprest too so I don’t imagine this is a one-off location either. I feel like this is a very elaborate and interesting world you’ve set up! It looks like this is the end of the setup (Or at least something close to it), so things are going to kick into gear soon, instead of just being exposition. Looking forward to reading and reviewing again soon!

~SparklingEspeon

Listening to: Enterprising Young Man – Michael Giacchino

This coward sequence I setting a bit (a lot) old already. It's just waaaay overdone. I mean C'mon man, it's not like people don't fight on occasion, this indecisiveness is a bit much.

Well, crap. I don't believe half of what he said, but even lies are better than nothing.

That's a problem. This is now a world emergency. Unless the next few months equalize the types the same way.
Also, congratulations on that monstrous stealth pun with The Resistance.

I hope Squirtle knows enough diplomacy to make sure there's no anti-Zapper racism coming out of this, dooming them to be cast down out of fear.

Rousing the proletariat is always a good strategy.

Well, there's a power trip. I see where the title came from.

Hey Talgoran! Hope you had/are having a good Christmas. Apologies for the somewhat tardy nature of this review. I gave your opening two chapters a read, and I can definitely say that it was time well spent. For reviews, I like to keep things more or less a list of different points, most relatively independent of each other. So, without further ado…

-If I had to pick the main thing that caught me with this story’s setting worldbuilding, it would be the various differences between pokemon and human society highlighted both in Squirtle’s reaction to his new body, and Quil’s own actions. For example, here’s a little quote that stood out to me.

”He was exerting himself, no doubt. But his body was barely more tired than when the two had first started out.”

Things like this, and him immediately noticing his lowered center of mass and reduced height, inclination to go on all fours, increased ability to take hits, Quil tackling Squirtle as a traditional first greeting. They’re small things in the grand scheme, but they all add up to make the pokemon of this world seem unique and alive. Not to mention, they add to Squirtle’s feeling of isolation and helplessness placed in a foreign world.

-Quil also struck me as something unique from the traditional pmd partner. He isn’t afraid to battle, but seems to prefer avoiding conflict when able, even if that means running away. This stands somewhat in contrast to the Cyndaquil’s seeming inclination to have to prove himself, getting mindly angry when Squirtle calls him ‘small’, and being told by his parents that he can’t accept any strong help. I wonder… what exactly is Quil trying to prove in his pilgrimage? Is he trying to impress his parents? Apart from his pride, Quil’s empathy also definitely defines his character, even if he’s not quite the best leader yet. Between tackling Squirtle, jumping for joy when he accepts to travel with him, and sticking by Squirtle even when he had the chance to run away, the ‘mon seems like a big bundle of sunshine.

-“That would be like a mudkip named Kip, or a Charmander named Char!” I don’t know if that was an intentional reference or not, but… nice touch. Perhaps there’s another connection in the introduction of literal pokemon hidden in tall grass.

-Your prose is definitely very concise and direct. I never had any trouble telling what was happening in the story, and that’s something to be proud of. As a small complaint, with Quil ending his introduction in chapter one with him running into the tall grass, and Squirtle waking up in the tall grass, it… took me a bit reading Squirtle’s introduction to figure out that it wasn’t a continuation of Quail. Overall though, small thing.

-The main conflict that seems to define the introduction chapters is the storm, and pokemon’s reactions to it. As another small grievance, the fact that the thunderstorm occur without a drop of rain, while definitely a cool mystery, leaves the question of whether dry thunderstorms are unprecedented enough to warrant the repetition it gets. From the bit I’ve researched, the majority of wildfires are started by dry thunderstorms, though one could simply chalk its foreign nature to the pokemon simply with their setting having no experience with them. Again, small thing. As for the nature of it in the story, I’m curious… from what’s been said, it seems like it has electrical origins. Zapdos? Thundurus? Squirtle is right in that his appearance at the same time as such an unnatural storm is an improbable coincidence. Perhaps some of the legendaries have a beef with the poor former human?

-An interesting bit too, the attack of the ‘feral’ pokemon in the woods that Squirtle and Quil face. From what I can garner, the pokemon that attacked them weren’t feral, moreso driven out of fear for their homes and the chaos of the storm. Still, perhaps how that could be one of the morals here, how when things get chaotic, pokemon are as quick to turn on each other as humans are. Nonetheless, one has to admire Quil’s empathy in how quick he forgave them. Something to keep tabs on.

And… that’s about all I have for this review. You’ve definitely grabbed my attention! I’m certainly gonna keep this story on my reading list. Thank you for the read, Talgoran, and happy holidays!

So I know that you commissioned Scythe to read this story, but I tagged along because I like to read with him and we can often bounce thoughts and opinions off of each other. He's going to leave his own thoughts in another chapter, but I wanted to write a review after reading your first five chapters since I usually give a story five chapters to hook me.

I'll start with the positives. For one, I really like how you've made an effort to give this world a culture of Pokemon. Way too often I find that many PMD stories humanize the Pokemon world too much and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. To me, if you're going to write from the perspective of Pokemon, you should write a culture that would revolve around their customs. If they all act like humans, then what's the point of it being pokemon in the first place? I like how Pokemon in this world greet each other with headbutts and that they like to sleep together in groups (for warmth and security I imagine). I like how certain Pokemon have rites of passage to evolve, like Cyndaquil needing to get to a volcano in Quill's case.

Another thing I like is the talk of instincts. There's some problems in how you go about it, like how Pokemon should react with these instincts, but you at least acknowledge that there are instincts and how they help Pokemon survive in their world. I just hope that Squirtle finally realizes that himself since it's starting to get grating watching him resist change so much when it's obvious that he'd have an easier time and happier time if he allowed himself to act like a Squirtle.

Now then, onto the negatives.

Your prose is questionable. I suspect this might just be because these are the early chapters and you improved over time, but as of right now, the writing is very weak. Too often I'll ask myself why a sentence exists, such as "His crinkled eyes crinkled". Other times the sentence structure just doesn't work. Adding onto that, you have a problem with pointing out the weird anatomy of some Pokemon that proves to be extremely distracting and throws me out of the mood. For instance, you mention multiple times how Quil has stubby paws. Now if the mood was comedic, I would say that works. But most of the time it's not, so I'm constantly reminded me how stupid a Cyndaquil looks. Another example is how you described Swanna folding her wings so that it looked like arms on her hips. Again, it looks absurd to me, so instead of focusing on the conversation she's having with Squirtle and Quil, I think "Man, I forgot how perverted they made Swanna. She literally had bird tits."

I'd suggest not drawing so much attention to the strange body parts of Pokemon, that way I can conveniently forget about it and take the story seriously. Unless the story doesn't want me to of course, then by all means go ahead and tell me how ridiculous Pokemon look sometimes.

My next problem with this story are the characters. There is nothing that makes them all that special. Quil is bland as can be, and he actually spelled out why in this chapter; because he has absolutely no aspirations in life. Because he doesn't have goals, he has no drive to do anything, which makes it borderline impossible to have a personality. Squirtle is a little better since he has an active aversion to his new body and behaves weirdly thanks to that, but he's also not proactive in his own choices. He may want to know what happened to him and why he's a Squirtle, but he does nothing to bring himself closer to that goal. He only thinks to himself are there any answers, and that's it.

The side-characters also lack depth. They do mention backstories and exposition, but it feels shallow and they only seem to say it for the sake of the audience's understanding.

I think what my main problem with this story though is that there is nothing actually exciting happening in this story. There is no hook that isn't that standard "human is a Pokemon and doesn't know why". There is nothing to hold my attention and make me care about the characters.

A way to fix this is to introduce an interesting character or make an interesting plot point. Something that makes the audience go "Oh wow, so this is how this story is different from other PMD stories. I want to see how this goes". One way you could do this is by revealing something about Quil that might be unexpected, something that wouldn't be standard for a PMD partner. Though, you have finished this story already, so maybe you've done that.

Overall, I'd say that you have the enthusiasm to make a good story, you're just a bit rough around the edges with things. But hey, you completed this story already, so maybe you've addressed everything I've said in this review already. I'll be finding out since I was going to read some more regardless.

First off, I'd like to say I appreciated the shorter chapters. Lately, I've been running into fics with 10k words/chapter, and honestly, long ones like those fatigue me more than anything (esp. since I'm a slow reader). I think these are just the right size to move the plot along without tiring the audience.

Funny thing, I only thought I'd have time to review the first chapter, but you did such a great job with hooking me in that I just had to read a second haha

As far as wordbuilding goes, I love how you employ figures of speech and elements of as "a Farfetch'd without its stalk", and other details of pokemon culture (an example of which I'll mention later). The setting so far seems familiar in scope, yet rich in detail—something I look forward to learning more about in future chapters.

The "wait, I'm a human" scene was well-executed in that it was a realistic depiction, but did not dwell on it for too long. We had a nice break with the comedic relief from Squirtle falling on his back, but the chapter gets right back into the action with little to no time to waste, and it plays well on the anticipation you've built up until this point.

It seems like Squirtle's transformation has left him with pokemon instincts. I think it's a nice touch that you might be able to use to justify his acclimatization to the new world. Interested to see where you'll take this idea.

Maybe it's just my quilava bias, but I love Quil's character. He's got an interesting contrast between his quiet, seemingly meek voice, and his enthusiastic spirit. It's nice to see a partner pokemon that's just as enthusiastic as the ones from the games.

I also like how you take opportunities to use him to demonstrate certain aspects of pokemon culture and worldbuilding—especially with the "pokemon can't do handshakes" scene (I really liked your take on the customary greeting, by the way, though I do wonder how this would work with more ethereal pokemon, like ghost types).

I find it interesting how Quil's quils (ha) seem to be constantly ignited. The only game I've seen where that's the case would be the HG and SS mainline games. Not to say that's a bad thing, I think it's a detail you integrate well into the prose to display contrast in sound ("No part of him moved except the silent flames on his back."), or Quil's emotions ("his eyes crinkled even further, and the spiky flames on his back flared incrementally larger for a moment")

Between these, the character development he has with refusing to leave Squirtle behind, starting the story focused on him, and the journey he's on, I'm starting to think Squirtle isn't the real protagonist here. Although we get to see a lot more of Squirtle's introspection, Ch1's focus seems to be heavily on Quil. That said, this seems to change a lot in Ch2. Squirtle seems to be "the one holding the camera" so-to-speak.

All told, I think the main characters are well-balanced, though I do hope to see a greater focus Squirtle's character in the future, as Quil seems to have completely surpassed him in character development at the moment.

I like the change of pace in Ch2, and how you slow down and bring in more details in your prose. Especially in this paragraph, "The pair listened to the wind outside during the break in conversation. It had died down considerably. Now that the noise outside was quieter, Squirtle found he could actually hear Quil's flames. The air burned and crackled in the flames extending out of Quil's back, emitting a barely perceptible roar. The sound of a bundle of dry sticks spewing streams of flame into the open, limitless air."

All told, I find very little—if anything—wrong with the first couple of chapters. So… sorry, but there's not much I can offer in terms of how you can improve. If anything, there's Squirtle's character development, which I'm sure later chapters already address. This was a genuinely entertaining read that I might just read to completion. It's rare that I fav and follow a story. Well done!

I just finished reading this FF and Overall I really liked it. I didn't like the ending, becouse I don't a sad ending dosn't feel complete to me, it leaves me wanting more (I want them to meet again). That's also the reason I really liked the ennding in the PMD games, it has all the emotions of a sad ending, but also feels complete becouse player and partner meet each other agian after the credit. Basicly a sad ending just leaves me feeling sad and wanting a sequel, while a sad ending turned into a happy ending makes me feel happy becouse of the reunion (A regular happy Ending just feel normal with no great emotion invoved.

While there won't be one, I would still really want to see/read a reuinion.

Why have you stopt responding to my reviews/PMs after the first one? I'm asking this becouse this happend with multiple FF I'm reading the first review/PM get's an answer but then there is complete silence after that.
It might be the case, that you just havn't read my second review/pm yet. I would really apreciate a answer to this review (and my other review/PM that you havn't responed to yet)

Overall I give this FF a 6/7

Thanks for answering my last review, since you answered my review I will now write another one (the whole reason I write reviews most of the time is to get answer so I will keep writing reviews as long as I get answers)

I really liked the FF so far, and it's been getting better ever since Squirtle told quil the truth, altough I still think he should tell others on his team. I'm really intrested on what was going on with that victini, why didn't Squirtel tell quill about that? Also they should free that Charizard in the prion (can't rembeber the name) and bring him to the psychic therapist (can't remeber the name) in Cave Town (or bring the therapist to him) becouse that could potentially fix those fits he has and he could be a REALLY valuable team member (maybe somthing like this will happen later on?)

Squirtle not teling ayone is so stupid! How does he expect to find out why he is there and his past, if he is not telling anything to anyoe who could help him with that?

Why do fanfic chracters always need to keep it a secret that tey are from another world, even if it makes no senese/no sense anymore? Most of them rather loose somthing important (a fight/operunity to get somthing) the to thell their best fried/some else they trust that they are from a diffrent world. WHY? To me it seems like they only do this becouse they are fanfic characters that got transported into another worldand thats what all of them do

What sort of advage does knowing that he used to be human give squirtel? I can see none so logicly he sould at leat tell quil

So, this is in the context of having read these chapters at scattered points, typically before going off to sleep.

For the most part, if I had to describe the fic up until these last couple of chapters I've read, I think I'd call it "cozy." In contrast to the other PMD fics I've read, you're not introducing mystical, high-fantasy elements. The settings are, excuse the pun, fairly down to earth. Forest lands, mountain ranges, a prairie. Even the communities themselves feel, on the whole, small in scale. As far as original PMD fics go, this is about the closest I feel like a fic has come to matching what the towns of the canon games are like. Not overflowing with pokémon. Just scattered collections of small buildings with a few business sprinkled in between.

What adds to this is the, uh, culture of your world, for lack of a batter description. PMD fics have loads of battles strewn across them. But they're typically in the context of controlled training or a desperate struggle for survival. With this fic, you've had multiple instances of Quil explaining to Squirtle how a drive for battling is just *ingrained* into a pokémon's psyche. That fact has stuck with me despite the battles themselves blending together, so to speak.

I apologize, but prior to Squirtle, Quil, and Bein fighting a geodude and Bein hurling Squirtle like a living discus, the battles didn't really offer much for me. I think part of it has to do with the fact that Squirtle and Quil don't do very well with the bulk of the skirmishes. I think that's supposed to be the point? Perhaps I haven't reached the part where they really come into their own on the battling front? Dunno. The only other criticism that springs to mind is that it feels like Squirtle's knowledge of Pokémon is... kinda inconsistent. Sometimes he can identify things and other times, like with the geodude in this chapter, he draws a complete blank.

Guess the last thing I'll touch on is the whole electric-type power boost thing. This is, at this point, the closest there is to an overarching conflict in the story. I imagine it *is* the main story conflict, given the title is "Power Trip" and, well, electricity powers stuff. At the moment, it's only really started to creep into the narrative spotlight thanks to the events in Blindhollow. If I had to take a guess, given that victini is a pokémon associated with energy transfers (for some reason) and also victory, I would not be surprised if its involved in this conflict somehow... like it's being used for nefarious purposes or, maybe, *is* causing the problems. Bonus points if it's tied to Squirtle in some way.

Anyway, that's all I got. This is a complete fic, so I don't know how much help this really is. XP