Do you plane on continuing this story?

What next it is getting good

OnO I demand a new chapter.

Right meow.

You don't even understand. I need this in my life right now, worse than Wholock. Please post another chapter soon! I'm loving this!

This is absolutely amazing. I read the version before this rewrite and I loved it. I just read this one and im completely obsessed. The use of words are much better and it makes more sense how things play out. Alex seemed to touchy in the other one. Im going to both follow and favorite this story and you. Keep up the amazing job.

Gaah! This is wondedrful! Your style has changed, but in a good way. :D Can't wait to read more!

Ok, in your rewrite I feel that you loose some of the natural flow of the first version. I'm not saying that the first version was perfect (It had its own issues, lack of telling detail being one), but the new version is not as fluid and harder to read. Here is some specific points that may help you fix this:

Your new version feels clunckyer to me, the first line for example: "Desomnd dabbed his forehead with one of his slevels before he rolled both up his forearms untill he was satistified, gently tucking them in so they wouldn't fall back down". Not much is happening in this sentence but it takes a long time to read. Something like "Desmond wiped the sweat off his brow and rolled up his sleeves." gets the same idea across in less words. This isn't a perfect sentence either, buts it's starting to cut the fat. (It also should be noted that the first line of your story is a place of honor, save it for a telling detail and/or a something to hook the reader).

"Surreptitiously" in the first paragraph also stand out. When writing it is important to focus on clarity so that no one stops and wonders what you are trying to say. Here is a good way to check if something stands out- imagine one of your characters in the story speaking that sentence in normal dialogue. Is it something your character would say? If not, then the tone of your dialogue and narrative are not matching up, something that will confuse the reader. Try expressing "Surreptitiously" in a different way. "He sneakily glanced around the room" is a bit better. "He kept his head down as he washed the bar but his attention was on the patrons in the corner of his eyes" is a bit better than that, as instead of saying he was sneaky, it shows exactly how he was sneaky. Still not perfect, but moving in the right direction.

I am also a fan of the line "He was sleepy, and He wanted to lie down goddam it" In the old version as it started giving a sense of character. Mixing in how a character thinks or feels into the narrative makes the story come alive.

Hope you found this useful.

So. I decided to stop reading Avengers fics for a while and was going to read some Harry Potter stuff but at the last second decided to read AC things instead. Read some old things, found some new things, realized a bit awesome time-travel fix had been updated and reread that, then decided to see what Proto-Creed fics were up. I found your old version of this, which I found ages ago and loved to bits, and saw that you were rewriting it. At first I thought that you were simply just revising a few things and decided to reread the fix, only to find no changes. I thought, "Hug, that's odd," and then I continued onto your AN about posting the rewrite as a new story. So then I found this.

Can I just - can I just say that I really like this? It flows so nicely, much better than what you had, and Alex is delightfully weird. And this definitely makes Desmond's fatigue much clearer. Can't wait to see what else you've changed!

Update soon, please!

Awesome start.

Also it's kind of ironic because the Templars already exist in the Prototype universe. They're basically the cause of Redlight and Black Watch/Gentek and Elizabeth Greene. And by extension Blacklight as well. And Alex Mercer unknowingly helped them. Then released Blacklight.