First off, never heard Five Finger Death Punch before and holy Fucking Balls it is the best! I am just getting more into Metal so I would appreciate if you dm'd me any other metal bands you dig. Secondly, you didn't really hint at any kind of tactical training or experience in his past so I have a hard time believing he could handle himself in a gunfight against overwhelming odds...but whatever I still love this story already. hahahah XD

I apologize for not reviewing at chapter one, but i have to say, i really liked this story, it was awesome. I can't wait to read the next one.

To be honest this one was one of the more frustrating reads I had on this site. No, it wasn’t hard to follow or mind boggling stupid and the characters of Black Lagoon were within acceptable bounds. The story was frustrating because I can see a really good story buried under a lot of problems.
Let’s start off with the protagonist. You weren’t lying when you told me that characterization is not your strong suite. So I’ll start there. The problem begins in chapter one. Since Otaku is our only point of view character and happens to be an original character it is important that you establish a rapport between him and the reader as you cannot rely on the reader already having prior knowledge of the character.
The simplest way to this is a morning routine scene. I know that it is a bit cliché but it is useful because it establishes an immediate connection with the reader and allows you to begin adding subtle characterization. How does he get up? Where does he sleep? Are there bottles of alcohol lying around? A weapon on the nightstand or under the pillow? What books, show, games, ect. does he have? Why is that picture frame face down?
This also gives you the added advantage of allowing for a physical description of your character. Something that is desperately needed in this case. There is no need to get gratuitous in your descriptions mind you, but you can give us an idea of age and profession with just a few lines. Instead the reader doesn’t have a good grasp of what Otaku looks like until chapter eleven and even then it a pretty generic overview.
Put them all together early and the reader begins to build the initial character in their minds and sparks their interest.
Example:
Morning sunlight lazily filtered through my apartment’s tiny window. It irritated my eyes and I reflexively tried to swat it away. I accidently dislodged myself from my couch, inadvertently sending my body to the floor. I was up.
The impact sent a few bottles flying off the coffee table. They seemed to land on my head just to spite me. Yep, I was definitely up.
I picked up one of the glass containers hoping for a quick pick me up to dull the migraine starting to fog up my mind. It was an empty, much to my chagrin.
I tossed the bottle aside and put my hand on top of the coffee table and began to feel around. I past over plenty of metal cylinders until I felt a familiar pistol grip. My hand wrapped around it. I yanked off of the table my trusty nine mil. With my weapon safely holstered at my side, I forced myself up off the ground. The world was spinning a bit. A nice splash of cold water would put it in focus again. I had to take a step over a small mountain of dirty laundry to get to the bathroom. My apartment was small, but exceptionally cheap. Yeah the power went off occasionally and the bug problem hadn’t be resolved since I moved in, but it wasn’t that bad. Mostly.
In the bathroom I splashed some mostly cold water onto my face. I gave myself a once over. Clumps of my jet black hair were sticking up and a layer of black and red stubble had appeared on my face, ruining the whole goatee thing I had been trying out the last couple of weeks. I pulled out my razor and shaving cream and took care of the intruding fuzz.
My bloodshot, brown eyes caught sight of the myriad of tattoos that I had acquired on my arm. The ink on my arm was like a passport, each one a mark of where I’d been. Ten years of traveling summed up for the world to see.
After I finished with shaving I ran my hand over my face to inspect how I did. My fingers retracted a moment when they ran across a large white scar the dominated my left cheek. It too was around ten years old and it still bothered me on some level that it was still there.
End Example
Then through Otaku’s interaction with the world and the people in it you can delve into where he gets all his weapons and where he was trained and by who. This isn’t the only way to introduce a character but it is quick and
Next will move to the more internal aspect of motivation. This is the simplest and most integral part of the reader’s attachment to the character. Otaku’s motivation is…he’s bored and looking to alleviate it. Okay, not exactly the Count of Monty Cristo there but it can work. The problem is the reader doesn’t know thing one about Otaku so the opening reads more like a parody of the situation.
The best way to get rid of that dissidence would be to slow down and go through a day in the life of Otaku. Show us how somebody could possibly be bored in the city of Roanapur. Once that is established, you bring in someone from Black Lagoon and get the plot going from there.
Next there are character flaws. It’s certainly not something we like to think about when it comes to original characters. Don’t think of them as just your character’s weaknesses, also think of personality glitches. Remember Roberta? Her loyalty to the Lovelace family may have been her redemption, but it also drove her insane and nearly killed her.
But don’t focus too much on the flaws. They should be there, and be noticed but not the character’s defining traits. Unless you are going for tragedy.
Finally, character interaction. It’s important to figure out where your character fits in to the web of relationships. Who is he honest with? Who does he lie to? Who does he bear his soul to? Who does he always display a brave face to? How your character interacts with others is key to adding layers to your character. When they act the same to everyone they become stale and predicable.
The next major issue is the structure. Now you seem to be dividing up the whole story into little vignettes. This is in and of itself is fine. The problem is the pacing. You go from assignment to the action in a matter of paragraphs.
Maybe slow down a bit. Build up the tension by the act of going to complete the assignment. Give the characters time to breathe and think. Considering how short your chapters are, I’d suggest a sort of three act structure broken down by chapter. The first act should be getting the assignment and planning to take down their mark. The second act should handle the plan’s execution. The third act is the final battle and falling action to take us to the next story. This is by no means the best way of doing this or the only way, but I feel that by adding some structure you’ll be able to maximize your potential.
I won’t spend too much harping on the action scenes because they can be hard in a written medium, but you should add some variety to your set pieces. I’d suggest drawing out your scenes before you start typing.
There is a lot of potential here but it is constrained. Hopefully this has been of help.

No. No. Just no.
Never thought that I would have to give this kind of review but it looks like this needs one. This is just bad. Of course to no disrespect but you need one. This is no bomb. I'm just handling you a chisel so you could fix this up and other works because so far, I am disappointed.
Writing is good and all but its the character and plot development that needs work. This is all a big mess. Also, dont make personal reasons an excuse for you're writing. It's old fashioned and not helping anything or in this case not working for your story.
No. Just no.

Strong sexual content my ass! At least put more effort into the lemons dude!
Still, this is am awesome story. Keep up the good work.

Where is Otaku going and I'm surprised Revy would talk about having a kid.
and how did Rock and Eda get the money and stuff to start a crime syndicate

Well it's over triads beaten their boss dead now balalaika can be the top One in town now
So now they can rest good fight

man Chang is loosing people left and right if he don't get help he is dead he has just lost his fortress great chapter can not wait for more.

Awesome chapter! : D

Glad you used my idea and to be honest I thought they would fight and it would end with otaku shooting that guy not poison him but it was all good and the last line was funny real good

Nice chapter! : D

Looking good so far keep it up and I hve to wonder why dose balalaika care about Eda and her child I get her caring about Rock kinda as he has proven to be useful to her and stuff and were are Rock and Eda gonna go to have the kid

I love the song you chose! It's one of my favorites! : )

Rock knocked Eda up did not see that coming tho I'm surprised Otaku dud not knock Revy up once she reacted to this better then I thought. And I feel sorry for Otaku losing his friends like that.
Gloves are now and forever off.

real nice not sure which one I like best real good