I'm not sure I really find the romance between Teddy and Scorpius believable. I suppose it's possible given Scorpius age, but still... I think the story would have been much more interesting if you had explored a sibling reltionship between them, or even a father-son think, since Teddy is so much older .

I defnitely liked the first part of the fic way better than the second. Your characterisation was good, and I love how you had Narcissa and Andromeda meeting in good terms after the war. I would have liked to see more of Cissy's reaction to Teddy, or of their own conversations (how did they get close to each other again?) But I suppose that's not what the story is about.

Overall really good job, keep writing

It seems a bit odd to start the story with Teddy meeting Scorpius as a baby when this is a romance between them. I think it would have still worked fine is his fascination with him started the first time they met after that, when they were both older.

Their second meeting was cute but seems to be headed more toward a familial relationship than romance.

lol why does he keep tripping over Scorpius? It still looks like they're only heading toward a familial relationship, especially since Teddy is dating Victoire.

Wait, so Teddy married Victoire and they're having a baby, and he's still only kind of like a big-brother/pen-pal to Scorpius, but he kind of has a crush on him now? I'm so confused about how this chapter went based on what the summary said.

As you can probably tell from my last review, I wasn't expecting Teddy and Victoire to start having such terrible marriage problems before Teddy and Scorpius got together (more the opposite order) so that was a nice surprise. Although, man, Victoire is really unlikeable.

I really liked Teddy's musings on whether he was actually in love with Victoire or Scorpius; it adds a nice layer of depth, since normally in romance fics I would expect the main character to very clearly know who they're in love with.

Scorpius committing suicide was a nice bit of angst, and I can imagine how terrible that must have really felt for Teddy. Although, as a whole, I actually find Teddy to be a relatively unlikeable character in this, given how little he seems to care about his kids and how he doesn't even given them a second thought when he lives.

My main piece of concrit is that I think I would have enjoyed this piece a dash more without Nymphadora's sections at the end. They feel a bit extraneous since no new information is being revealed; she's just giving her opinion on stuff the reader already knows and probably already already has their own opinion on.

Anyway, overall this was an interesting, poetic painting of Teddy/Scorpius. They're all very clearly characterized, and I can clearly visualize their fiery relationship and how they flamed out.

This is an interesting way to set-up a Scorpius/Teddy. I do generally like fics that build up to relationships more slowly, so I like that you show them meeting/befriending each other over the years. (Although as someone who doesn't like large age gaps or cross-gen, I admit the earlier scenes especially squicked me a bit, since those scenes especially emphasize the age gap between them).

Other comments: wow, Victoire is touchy. Also, as concrit, it strikes me as a bit odd that she's throwing random French phrases in, given she would have grown up fluent in English.

I was expecting Scorpius/Teddy to happen before Teddy/Victoire got married or anything like that, so finding out they were expecting akid was a nice little twist.

Re: your A/N and what I think is going to happen next: I'm betting Scorpius and Teddy will get together, breaking up Teddy and Victoire's relationship, and then something will happen to end Teddy and Scorpius's relationship too.

Oh those poor kids! Parents fighting in front of you is never fun to see, and it hurts to see my favourite next-gen couple fighting like that. I suspect Victoire’s going to drive him into the arms of Scorpius?
Side note, I how they named their daughter after Nymphadora. I wonder if she hates her name just as much as her Grandmother did.
It’s so odd and formal to hear Scorpius call Teddy, ‘Edward’.
I liked the reference to Scorpius’ eyes being cracked, especially after you gave so much detail about them the last chapter.
Oh Teddy, your daughter is not going to be the same person as your mother, even if they share a name. I also feel like she’s not a happy child because her home life isn’t that great if Teddy and Vic continue to be unhappy together. That’s so stressful for a kid.
I guess the children take after Victoire and neither have inherited his metamorphagus ability.
Interesting he hates his name now and prefers the more ‘grown up’ Edward. That’s probably more because of the person and not the name itself.
You have a typo, when Teddy’s describing what he liked about Vic he says [how good (s)he was at snogging]. I wonder if they were a case of getting together too young, they seemed like they were just out of Hogwarts.
WAIT what did you just do?! Scorpius kills himself after that?! Congratulations on completely throwing me off there. I loved the surprise but poor Scorpius, it was just one heartless comment by Teddy in a moment of anger, but that’s all it takes.
I’m really disappointed that Teddy didn’t bother trying to see his own children after Vic left him. I wonder how much that was Vic keeping them away and poisoning them against him, but I feel like he could have exercised some paternity rights there. I think that choice bothered me the most, since people break up all the time, but still make things work for the kids.
I liked seeing your take on Teddy/Victoire and thought the fall-out and the reasons they didn't work together were very realistic. Even in that meeting on Kings Cross, you could see the cracks in their relationship.
Good job!

The imagery of Teddy’s eyes turning bright yellow is so creepy because it’s a bit unnatural, even if yellow is usually a very cheery colour. I like that it’s his eyes here, normally it seems to be his hair colouring that reflects his mood.
Oh poor Teddy, that’s so sad when he was worried that Andromeda wasn’t home because she was dead. And it’s really morbid for a six year old to jump to that conclusion, but there’s so many dead relatives that it makes sense.
Interesting, Andromeda and Narcissa are forced to keep their visits secret? I wonder who they don’t want finding out, Lucius? The separation before was because Andromeda married a muggle-born, but you’d think they’d be over that, especially with so much of their family dead.
Teddy’s got some surprising deep thoughts about inner/outer beauty and the eyes.
Lol, was this the 2014 World Cup were Teddy and Victoire were separated for kissing?
I liked the run-in between Scorpius and Teddy here. Scorpius is probably what I imagine Draco was like as a child, especially with the line [my father will pay you back handsomely for helping me]. It’s a little sad that Draco’s teaching his kid no one’s good and no one will help you unless you’re family. I loved how Teddy mentioned they’re cousins after that.
I think it’s a little weird for Victoire to be inserting French words when she’s fluent in both and (I’m assuming) raised in England and probably just speaks French with her immediate family / mother’s family. Unless she’s purposely showing off.
[Father will have a conniption] Why can I so easily see Draco having a conniption?
As for what happens next, I suspect there will be a messy romantic affair between Teddy and Scorpius, with Teddy feeling incredibly guilty, meanwhile there’s a pregnant and jealous Victoire.
Good job! :)

My favorite thing on this was Teddy's curiosity and reflection about internal and external beauty when he meets Scorpius for the first time.
I really liked how you developed Teddy and Scorpius' relationship throughout the years... With the younger always "bumping" on his cousin.
Victoire seems to have foreseen said relationship before even Teddy was aware of his own feelings, I think, that's interesting and well thought.
I'm not that much into next gen, but I liked this. :)

This is one of the saddest, most beautiful love stories I have read. Seeing the characters grow up, grow together and separate was one of the most heart-wrenching things that can happen in life. The poem is tragically beautiful and brought a tear to my eyes. You should be proud of this piece.

This is certainly interesting. Scorpius falling in love with Ted throughout all those years. It's funny how they kept meeting. Poor little Scor always fell down after running into him one way or another hahaha. I wonder what will happen now though after that kiss and those feelings are revealed. Victoire certainly noticed before Ted, I wonder how she'll take it when she finds out what happened and that Ted likes him to (I think anyway, or he's at the very least interested).

I like the opening of the chapter. The quote - unsure of whether it's a poem or a a line from a play or song - but it sets the mood of the story and it's a nice touch.

I also like how you write Teddy - even mentioning his turquoise hair - especially his innocence when he's looking for Andromeda. I liked his train of thought - weaving in the deaths of his parents and grandfather and how he equated that to disappearance because he could find her. It seems like a really childlike thing to do, even thinking about it afterward as gross with the banana metaphor was a nice touch.

The part you wrote about Teddy willing the baby to open his eyes was pretty poignant too as was the part when they reunited years later on the Platform. I like how Teddy is to Scorpius and how Scorpius is relieved when Teddy tells him the bit about the Sorting.
And the end was lovely as well. The exchanging of the affections, the 'I love yous' and the kiss on the forehead were a good add because I doubt Scorpius receives any of that with the Malfoys.

It was a good first chapter.

-Jaded Epiphany

Hi,

It's been a while since I read this. I really enjoyed all the dynamics you had going on in this one chapter. So much interesting material. From unstable relationships, marital discourse, affairs and Scorp's unhealthy attachment/psychological difficulties, to grief and Dora's appraisal towards the end. There was a lot of great stuff there. I absolutely adored the ending it just pulled together the strands of their stories/love (Ted and Scorp) so nicely. Great, great idea!

This chapter on its own covered so much. You really had a lot of emotionally heavy stuff and I really think that at times you could've pushed the emotion even further for some scenes. I got bits of sadness, anger and the emotional whirl wind that was Ted and Scorp's complicated relationship through the thoughts and story-telling, but maybe a bit more focus on the confusion and conflict would have really brought out some of those underlying emotions. Maybe even a bit of poetic descriptions here and there. Even if you did shorter chapters with the individual scenes and given them a bit of room...wow, this could have been such a powerful piece.

Honestly though, I was so astounded by all these complex issues you brought into it. For me that's what I enjoyed most about this fic.

Nice work! Well done!

I have to say that I prefer the first chapter over the second. The poem at the very beginning is a nice touch and I think it always adds some depth to the piece being shown, and gives the reader an idea of the theme. It has a very sweet and innocent tone to it, the way Teddy wanted to be a good figure for Scorpius was incredibly cute, I especially like how, when they first met to break the ice Teddy morphed his hair to look like Scorpius', it was a subtle and unique way to show how friendly Teddy is. The progression of their friendship has a good pace and you get the feeling that Scorpius has always been awed by Teddy and probably never lost the way he idolized his cousin.

As for the second chapter I felt that the events were a bit rushed, going from Teddy's separation from his wife to Scorpius committing suicide to shortly after Teddy passes away, though this is meant to be a two-shot which should be taken into account. It was interesting to see how his daughter had grown up, the way she had always been lied to about her dad, though I thought that he would have been a bit more interested in their lives. Also I'm not sure how well Scorpius' suicide meshed with the rest of the story, there were some hints that he was a fragile soul in the first chapter and he had been sent to St. Mungo's so it is fitting in that respect.

There aren't TOO many SPaG issues, I had noticed a few but none are all that distracting, but I would still comb over it again just to make it as clean as possible.

The relationship between Scorpius seemed very genuine (especially in the first chapter, the whole thing was just so charming!) and I could tell without having to be told that Victoire and Teddy wouldn't get along, not how Victoire demanded Teddy's full attention and he just wasn't giving it a 100%. Also there is one question that has been nipping at me while reading, just out of curiosity;

Which house had Scorpius been sorted into?

I mean I know there's a high chance he went with Slytherin despite what Teddy advised him but I'd really like to know if he got sorted into another one. I feel like, in the context of this story, he'd be a great Hufflepuff :D

I really love your writing and description in this story, as well as your others. You never fail to deliver a well-written story. Aside from a few grammar issues, it was virtually flawless. However, I'm not sure if I can get on board with this premise. I really wish you had explained how nobody knows Scorpius and Teddy are second cousins, people knew Tonks and Sirius were cousins so basic logic tells you the rest. I found it difficult to get past that despite the interesting relationship you've created with the two cousins. That said, I really do like the dynamic you've created and I appreciate how Teddy has taken on a sort of paternal role.

Four lovely parts to this chapter – and I could not decide which one is my favourite.

Part One about Teddy as a seven year old meeting Scorpius for the first time was just adorable. So many thoughts found their way into this one: first Uncle Harry and his family, then the reflection on death and, before meeting his cousin, the “tragic look of not being who she wanted (him to be)” – which was a lovely way to weave the memory of Tonks into the story.

I wondered about the “He feared for his cousin”- part, though, because he’s seven and that thought was very mature. However, it didn’t interrupt the flow too badly. It just made me wonder.

The beginning of Part Two was a little confusing. I caught on to where he was and what he was doing only when Scorpius ran into him. I’d suggest adding information to the first line, for example “…back with her uncles and cousins (at the stands). He wished she could have come with him (in his search for ice cream)” or something like that. Though, that’s only my two cents, so feel free to disregard it all : )

My favourite line in Part Two was: “Scowling, Scorpius stuck his pointy chin out and proclaimed with quaking bravado, “NO!”” :D How you portrayed him was really cute, and I also liked you referring to him as slate-eyes.

In Part Three – is that me or does “smooched his eighth-Vella girlfriend” mean that Teddy had eight girlfriends that were all Veelas? If not, maybe you might want to take a look at that line and make clearer what you meant. Or it could be just me.

It’s hilarious how Scorpius keeps (literally) running into his cousin.

Final note on Part Four: You ended it perfectly! That kiss on his cheek and Teddy’s thoughts about it – such a clever, funny, and sweet ending to this chapter! Definitely made me curious ;)

So in conclusion: Very lovely piece! I really like the idea of it, as well as its execution. You managed to characterise your protagonists very well (would like to mention here the paragraph on Scorpius’ looks in Part Four about insomnia – very nice for picturing him!) and generally the story’s flow was very smooth. The only thing I can recommend is taking another look at the descriptions that help setting the scene and make clearer where exactly something takes place. Though I have to add that you did a fantastic job on telling the reader the approximate age of Ted without just plainly stating it. That’s a sign of good writing!

To conclude my conclusion, thank you for sharing! I enjoyed reading and reviewing Dimmer Love.
Have a wonderful day,
Citty

I SHIP SCORPIUS AND TEDDY FROM HENCE FORTH AGH I CANNOT THIS IS TOO MUCH I LOVE IT

Victoire seems like such a bitch. I really do not like her when she's like this.

I love how you've developed the connection between Teddy and Scorpius since the time they were very little and made it so that they only barely see each other through sheer coincidence at first, and then start corresponding quite regularly, and then coincidence again and then AGH WHY DID HE JUST LEAVE LIKE THAT WHY

WHY IS SCORPIUS IN THE HOSPITAL

That description of Dora...being the wrong kind of star... nowyudunnit ugh -sniffs noisily-

The Malfoys seem like they haven't gotten over the War... I feel bad for Scorpius... and frankly Victoire is just starting to piss me off now

I really like the Scorpius in your story because he seems so frail and delicate both on the inside and out; much different from how I've portrayed him in my stories. I've made him suffer, but still portrayed him as a strong character, while you've portrayed just his weakness and I like that.

Woah, you can't give a woman a blow job unless they have the parts that can be 'blown'

That last bit where Vic left was painful for me. He "couldn't" stop her. UGH WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME FEEL THESE FEELS

...He just died. Oh my god. OH MY GOD I CANNOT

This. Was. Absolutely. Beautiful.

I need a moment.

Oh my god I am just.

I love this so much.