Let's see here: First and foremost, what an oddity of a pairing, I've never seen Natsu x Millianna before, I almost never see her period. You had Simon survive, A for that, Simon was someone I wish we got to see more of, and would like to learn more about. That being said, I feel compelled to unleash my inner Chinese Parent, Racial Stereotyping ho! First and foremost, why is Wally acting like that? I don't like the guy that much, he looks like he came from the Roblox Mafia, I'm really glad we never see him anymore. But there is no rhyme or reason for him to conduct himself in such a manner. In the canon, he started out somewhat evil, but even then the only evil thing he did was look ugly, and try to shoot Natsu in the face. He aided in kidnapping Erza, but he was mostly a poor lost soul who was mislead, and misguided, having lost years of his life in service of the actual arsehole, Jellal.

Yet here is portrayed like he enjoys having baby-flesh steaks and likes submitting footage of the Siege of Leningrad to America's Funniest Home Videos. Now, I've seen a lot of AU stories portray characters differently, different settings will cause characters to change somewhat. But this is the same universe, but branches off in the Tower of Heaven. Wally was the one who tossed Millianna Happy, so why does he out of nowhere want to kill Happy? Plus, that isn't even bad enough, he has to hammer that point home, call Millianna a bitch repeatedly, try to assault her, and threaten her as well. Seriously, the entire thing just felt unbearably out of character and try-hard, Thy Art is Murder or Anaal Nathrak try-hard and awful. If you want to make Wally more of a bastard, wunderbar, but you should find a different way of doing so. Maybe he has some kind of feelings for her, whether romantically, or some kind of extreme protectiveness over her considering he lost his brother, and they'd been through so much.

If love, jealously and contempt. If he is over protective, then he wouldn't want to see her get hurt again, and lose another person he cared so much for. He would have noble intentions, but they would be corrupted and twisted into something more malevolent. Or even go into Oracion Seis, and have Nirvana change him. These are all possibilities, but should come later down the line. One last possibility, have Happy do or say something continually that pushes him to his limit, and makes him want to turn Happy into warm fluffy boxers. Even then, I would still make him act more like a pissed-off adult, rather than a pissed off 12 year old whose mum drinks more than Lemmy Kilmister. It's a stretch, but it still works better than making him the way he is now. You could even have Jellal or someone else do it instead, having Wally act like this just seems like poor character-bashing as bad as the ever so lovely Lisanna's a bitch stories.

The swearing is also rather out of place, Natsu calling Jellal a smug-cunt hit that nail right on the head, but other examples could've been retconned out, since they didn't really add that much to the story. For example, the line 'some fag called Zeref' should be removed completely. Throwing around the word fag harkens back to the fun times of Call of Duty, where retarded 12 year olds would throw it around like an insult all the bloody time, in every server. I could give some spiel about how it's also insensitive, but that would be delightfully hypocritical coming from me, given how I make references to Chinese Parenting, and used the word 'retard' like an insult. There are some grammatical errors, such as using 'your' instead of 'you're. It's not as bad as other stories, you at least have solid formatting, whereas some stories would compress everything into two giant walls of text three pages long. I would recommend looking over everything though, and jotting down any errors you see, so you can correct them later on. Seen far worse though.

I would recommend slowing down on the pacing some. Let's see Millianna possibly having a crush on Natsu, and her being integrated back into society, and into life at Fairy Tail. If she says she might be in love with him two chapters in, and they're already dating by the fourth chapter, any kind of romance or love there is, is immediately killed harder than a handful of weeds subjected to an Agent Orange carpet bombing. There are other stories that do this, but I wish they didn't. Rushed pacing can detract from a story to the point of making it unbearable to read. It would work to the benefit of the story to flesh out the instances of the Tower of Heaven more, and show Millianna signing on with Fairy Tail.

Maybe we see her starting to have a thing for him, and possibly asking Erza for advice about it? Or even those two reconnecting after so many years? Then again, this is just the first two chapters, so maybe I am jumping the gun pretty hard. But for the future, please do not have them dating or fucking in four or five chapters. A good romance should have genuine, organic development and chemistry. We should see them interact and become friends, then more, instead of cutting all of that out, and getting to sex scenes. A ton of stories do this, and usually to the detriment of the story, in my opinion, especially when it's trying to portray genuine romance.

All in all, if you ever decide to continue this story, I would highly recommend re-writing and remaking the first two chapters to iron out some of the issues I brought up. More specifically, some of the unnecessary swearing, and Wally being as sympathetic and likeable as an Angler Fish in an SS Uniform. I usually don't give a rat's taint about shipping, but I do like it when stories can pull off weird, unusual pairings, and make them work. The idea is there, I've never seen a story where Millianna and Natsu are dating, except in those wretched Natsu x Harem stories, but this could use some real work before continuing.

It may seem like this is the worst thing I'd ever read, given how I'd written so much for just two chapters, but that is not even remotely the case. That title belongs to garbage like 'A Dragon's Pain', a story not unlike being devoured from the inside-out by Giant Space Wasps. I am mostly just direct with my criticism, but I do mean well, and I do think this has potential. I just also think that it could use some work to fix the problems I laid out. All I gotta say, good luck with this story, and other stories you produce.

-Svane Vulfbad

More updates for this story please! As you know there are little to none natsuxmillianna stories out there don't let this one die please! I'll be waiting for it

WHATS UP FUCKERS

Next is the fighting festival. Maybe have Millianna compete and turn her to stone?

Updated this story

Me like me want more...me favorite story me follow story...more...

Please continue this story! Love this paring and how you're writing it!

Please update soon there aren't many good stories of this pairing and I want to see where this story is going.

Please continue this story it is really good and I like this airing even though no one writes it.

Update

Update! update! update! update!

Sometimes people just know what they want.

Oh that's delicious:)

Very nice story, glad im not the only author who ships this pairing! Keep up the good work! Crack ships forever!

Wednesday April 15, 2015.

I'm so happy to see that this has been updated.
Great development going on between Natsu and Millianna.