Hello there, I've finally got around to grading. As I read I will occassionally scroll down here to leave my comments. Before I began reading I checked for use of propmt, thanks for underlining your line by the way, and you passed in that regard. that being said, I'll start reading now.
In the second sentence you left out the word 'her'.
When James is running to the library you put put a period instead of a comma. I gave you the benifit of the doubt, figuring you did it to add emphisis. No points were docked.
Lillies isn't supposed to be capitalized.
When he calls her Lily Flower you didn't capitalize the f.
Lily asked her eyes menacing, should have a comma in it. It should be between 'asked' and 'her' by the way.
Remus jumped in faking concern should also have a comma, between "in" and "faking'
You have no more possible points in the grammar catagory,and I don't have alot of time. so I won't point out anything else there.
It did not outwardly express character traitsso here are the ones I read into it: out-going, in love, scheming, persistant, thoughtful. I didn't add mishchievious because its synonimus with scheming.
Your over all score was 20/25,

This story is so good! Please next chapter!