PLZ! I WANNA SEE MORE! :D

Great update!

Good story. are you going to update?

Wouldn't Nemmy dear immediately draw a connection between the mainline Tamrielic pantheon and her native Elven pantheon as she would likely wouldn't put down them both having Nine deities as a pure coincidence and would probably try looking for similarities between them.

Great update i hope you get them to Skyrim extra quickly the Thedas bit is dragging on a bit to long. Also Are you going to be crossing Elven and Elder scrolls and elven DA deities as that would make Solas an aspect of one of the nords most revered gods Shor/Shezzar/Lorkhan/Sep/LHKHAN XD!

This is okay but there is one massive plot hole i noticed: The stormcloak rebellion only truly started after Torygg was killed by Ulfric. Even more incongruous is that from all accounts Torygg respected Ulfric so i would not expect him to call someone to deal with Ulfric if unless there was an all out war going on. So is this just a lore failure on your part or are you altering the story of the skyrim civil war?

This story has good promise as your writing is good and you handle characterization well. There are just a few things that are letting you down. I hope I can point them out so you can edit and deal with them better in future chapters.

The most obvious issue with this story is how you handled the crossover. I just can't see why the Inquisitor would be petitioned for help. Given the issues going on in Thedas, Torygg would have to be crazy to welcome that into Skyrim. There is also no reason why the Inquisitor could help as she has no authority in Tamriel. If anything, she would increase political tension, particularly since she's an elf and there is nothing she can really *do* as a freelance hero. Smite Ulfric? Prone to backfiring. Put the Dominion to the sword? Well, sure, if you want another war. You need to build a logical premise for bringing her to Tamriel. I strongly suggest editing the first few chapters to give your story a more believable foundation.

Other issues that muddy the waters are the differences between the two world. You're not really explaining them but rather hoping they'll go away if you ignore them. This needs to be slowly explored and developed as you write from the first chapter. For example, what about lyrium and the Fade? Why aren't these issues in Tamriel? How about the mage/templar war? Why hasn't Thedas launched a March on Tamriel for being foul polytheistic heathens? Why hasn't Thedas heard of the Daedric Princes? Differences in dragons? Essentially, you have a lot of plot holes to fill for the crossover to work.

The next issue is the size of your chapters. They are tiny. Tiny, tiny, tiny. It is good practice for a chapter to be at least 5 typed pages long. Shorter than that it's stuttering, stopping and generally breaking up the reading experience. Add in that chapters are uploaded one at a time and there is barely anything to read. Expanding chapter length is also good for you as a writer, as it encourages you to deal with detail and add some meat to the bones of the story.

Finally, you have a tendency to swap tenses and there are a few other grammatical issues. Find a beta to help you proof before you update. They are all silly, minor errors but that just draws attention to them because your writing is otherwise good.

You need to put a little more thought and polish into this story. The outline of something really great is here- it just isn't quite there yet. I hope my comments haven't discouraged you. I wouldn't spend the time reviewing if I didn't think they could help you and you couldn't put them to good use.

Great story i hope you continue it.

Great update!

Great update!

Great update!