Update?

Please update soon

Omg! I almost forgot about this! And then you updated and it's as amazing as ever! YAY!

(Also I got an account!)

I'm so glad you still update your stories! And I'm hopeing for your sake that your favorite going on 5 years since it was updated story updates... WITH A SUPER LONG CHAPTER!

May the LORD be with you, always! ~Midnight Luna

great job

Plz update soon! I'm in love with this!

-There’s no absolute way to write thoughtstreams, but the use of italics and quotation marks together makes the latter feel redundant. Also, the thoughtstreams are basically the equivalent of Ezra talking to himself. Not literally talking to himself mind you, but with the opening lines/paragraphs, the writing is…basic, I guess? Intentionally or not, it feels like it’s skewing towards a younger audience. And I guess that’s fitting in a sense, since ‘Rebels’ is a cartoon, but, well, yeah.

-It’s iffy structure to have the bulk of a chapter take place as a flashback. It’s also iffy to simply have the word “FLASHBACK” appear. It’s a clunky means of establishing scene and timeframe. Ezra’s also in the habit of thinking to himself again, and as established above, it has the same clunky feeling of a character talk to theirself, even if that isn’t literally what’s occurring.

-So, the gang members are basically chewing the scenery, but I guess the story is flowing.

-“Will he make it out alive?”

Replace “Will” with “would.” The use of “Will” is a shift to present tense in a story that’s been in past tense up till now. Or otherwise, it feels like author’s voice seeping in.

-“It is torture to know you are marked.”

Again, slipping into present tense.

-Cut out the “also end of chapter.” I can live with “End Flashback,” clunky as it is, but the “end of chapter” is redundant, because barring anything else, you’ve got an author’s note under it.

-So, the chapter as a whole. It’s…okay, I guess. The issues above still stand, but they’re less of an issue here then they might be in other stories, given that as mentioned, the tone of the writing skews younger. I will say that as a first submission, there’s far worse debuts out there. This story is at least legible, and at least has the beginnings of a plot. It isn’t fair to complain about tone at this point (see the younger audience comments), but at the least, keep the writing tight – the tense slips are noticeable.

*pats your shoulder*
Just write when you want but I really like it when you update :)

FREEDOM

FREEDOM :)

First of all, FREEDOM!

Second, look at all that glorious Blueberry Whump! You have made my day with all the Whump!

I do wish you would update just a little quicker, I know life gets in the way, (I take forever to write things too) but I love this story and I can't wait to read more!

May the LORD be with you, always! ~Midnight Luna

please update soon

yea! (plz do it soon tho i am adictied to this fanfic

Lol true... It's hard to get motivated to write something even if you have an idea of what it's gonna be... ;-; I'm curious to what exactly the "mark" is, and if it's like contagious or not... I guess I'll find out soon. Can't wait for the next update! :)

Awsome

I love this story. I can't wait for the next chapter. Update!