Hooboy, what a trip. Congrats man, you should be proud! You've written one hell of a great story!

Take care, and hope you have a good one!

Awwww! So glad I kept up with this. x3 Such a good ending. Can't wait to see the epilogue now.

aw, poor day, will there be a sequel?

wow this story is getting so great! keep up the stories. you just got yourself a new follower.

Oh dang that got serious real fast! Can't wait for more!

whoa.

Wonderful writing. On one hand, I want you to hurry, but on the other, I want this story to be perfectly written, and that takes time. So, as one side wins.
Take your time, and keep writing! :D

I'm not sure what the point of this story is yet! It's just retelling the game with some added details and a few things shifted around. What makes this Day so special that we need to see a story with her that we're already familiar with?

Idk how im already going to read chapter 16 :p - btw i like your puns and thanks for repliying to me last time

Im on chapter 12. This is what is happening in my head: PUN OVERLOAD TO MANY PUNS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PLUS I WANT TO TASTE PAPS SPAGETI NOW AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH XD - P.S. Good story im liking it so far :)

Very interesting, and it brings up a fair amount of questions. Can't wait for the next chapter.

I am not very good at commentating over fights, so bare with it.

Calm down little Froggit, geez it's almost like someone stole your Candy or something.

Okay Frog, I doubt anyone can and would tell the truth to Toriel about leaving the room, don't judge us by a little white lie!

Oh, she stepped on the Frog? Kinda need to put a bit more hint to it than "Her next skip resulted in a hideous croak." I had to reread the part before the Frog's first Ribbit before actually catching that little bit.

Speaking of Candy at the top... That was nice for the Frog. 'Take one'

The rocks got to be a bit... big for a 9 year old girl... I feel bad, wish I could help :(

Poooor Day...

At least she said please.

Dammit Loox! Give her back her only means of weaponry!

A handful of candy... Maybe 3-4, depending on how big the Candy is? I thought the sign said 'Take One' though.

Loox, come on! "Don't pick on me!" Hypocrite.

Napstablook!... Such a saddening MONSTER.

Glad Napstablook is happy, even if it wasn't a mini boss battle...

Yea, she is hurt a bit...

Don't tell me she didn't have a home on the surface! That poor kid :(

Good chapter, looking forward to the next.

Yeah, be careful. The ruins really are dangerous. Speaking of, I wonder WHY the Ruins are that dangerous. It would make sense if it was protection for something, but protection of what... Either way, if a child fell through and Toriel wasn't there, either the child would NEED to act in self defense from monsters, or would be hurt from some of the spike traps...

9 years old... I feel bad for all the, at least I assume, innocent children that was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and they deserve to die for wanting to return home... Imagine entering a new world full of monsters, you make good friends and suddenly you meet the king and... it is self explanatory from there. They're just children :(

I am pretty sure it is clear from here, but I will say it nonetheless. She is so shy, and adorable at times, but that is to be expected from a 9 year old girl... I don't hate Asgore, at least his reasons were good enough, but to kill innocent children... that makes me sad... I know everything will work out in the end, but I can't help but to imagine...

You don't seem annoying to be around. Hell, if you came out of Undertale, you'd be one of my new best friends. Respect :P

You somehow made such an easy task make me wonder if something would have been in the middle of the hall, waiting for a fight or something like that. We all knew Toriel was watching, but a few seconds is all it would need like Flowey. 19 damage per hit...

I thought the cellphone was old and out of date. I would have imagined a brick with two... (Eh-tehn-eye(1)) on it...

I know you purposely had this set up, but I can help myself to point it out.
'I will never get tired of this!'
...
'I am very tired of this.' That made me laugh a little.

Toriel should have called in the 10 minutes she waited, and I mean twice. Each 5 minutes, she would call to check on the child. I don't think a lot of people know about that little secret, but you learn something new every day :P

That IS a good point. Wait 10 minutes, and you should see at the very least one Monster start wondering around the Ruins. Not sure if she is lucky she didn't get in a battle, or she is unlucky because she is about to die from boredom. If the Monsters don't kill her, boredom will.

A Monster.

You won't be to surprised at the end of the hallway. Toriel wasn't joking when she said the ruins were big. Despite only really having one main path to go on, with a bunch of mini paths, it is still quite long.

And that ends us at the end of the Chapter. I finished this chapter at 3:00AM, but I couldn't bring myself to review, pretty sure you can understand why. So I practically reread the entire thing for this big review, hence the length of this. The thoughts I had from yesterday and today kind of built up, even if half of the things said in here isn't really about the story itself. Not even sure if you enjoy reading reviews, but here is one long one :P

Also, Toriel never asked Frisks name at the beginning of the game, although that would ruin the small surprise at the end of True Pacifist, so I am only slightly curious why she asked this child. Of course I am only joking, but I can't help but to wonder :P

Good chapter all around, interested to see how this will develop. Reading next chapter!

(1) Kind of embarrassed to say this, but I have not once spelled that word, not once. Google can't even auto correct me, so I had to type the syllables of it so you would understand which word I am trying to say, instead of something like Intenei (closest I can get.)

It's a wonder she hasn't broke anything. Those flowers has to be like the worlds softest pillows or something.

Hello our loving Flower friend.

Oh wow, definitely didn't see that twist coming.

Hmm, new Dialog? I haven't seen someone who does that for a little while now...

And Enter Toriel!

Calm down, just let the talking goat heal you. Although, I admit, I would be just as scared, if not more scared, than the little girl.

Kisses heal woulds eh? Funny.

Toriel is the kindest creature I know. In Undertale anyways. Papyrus can be both the second Kindest and the most innocent.

That's sort of a sad comment Toriel...

Not much to say about this chapter either. Cool little chapter though, I enjoyed it.

Character named Day(s) huh? Hmm, a bit odd, but I can work with it.

I wonder what this quest is... A better question is, I wonder what numbered SOUL she is... It would only make sense that she was the 7th, but we don't know that for certain.

Flowers? Is that the quest? An odd quest, but great things can come out of something so little.

The loud roar was a frog?

Weeeeee~

The frog isn't very nice, is it.

Not much to say about this chapter. I will attempt to review each and every chapter. Keyword is try, I tend to either ignore the reviews and jump to the next chapter or I am left on a cliff hanger and I can't bear it.