I may be a simple guest commenting on this fanfic, but DAMN. I never thought I'd find such a well written story that displays the struggle of adulthood so well. You wrote the characters perfectly (something that's difficult to do btw). I hope you write more long stories as well as finish any other fic you've started because I'm sure you would make multiple amazing stories.
I don't know why, but something about the way this was written makes it so realistic yet surreal. I can't verbally describe how much I love this story! Thank you for posting!

Nobody ever told me a ff could be so well written and at the same time well estructured. black Star's portrait was spot on and believable, quirks and personality whatsoever was more than perfect. Pluperfect, I really needed something like this. The way you glued everything together made BSs journey relatable to how life can be and that stuck feeling I got wouldn't have been the same if your pen was any different. Great lyric throughout the whole story. I can even pour into words what I mean to- that's how good it was.
Excellent pun with McMorties also and kudos for perplexing me with pairings I've never thought about. I hope I read anything else from you anytime in the future. I'll check your other stories for now

Good stuff to have Black Star in a normal setting, and you are right, with his brashness and personality and general abrasive distractiveness he really would not have done well in school and he would be working in fast food at 24. Or completely unemployed from pride. Heck, I've a friend like that. There are very few who can tolerate him, and none of them are employers. Black Star is lucky to have Stein looking out for him. Good stuff.

I don't even know where to start- why haven't you been writing longfic this whole time, dude. I'm just saying.

There is a lot of humor to be had here and also a lot of seriousness and you kept it going back and forth without any one thing dragging on too long. Black Star's various internal struggles are on point: even while steadily sliding towards the climax of conflict, he still has his bright moments, and that yo-yo effect of trying to overcome one's own battles is balanced just right. Actually, Black Star's mental fortitude and self pep-talks are comforting to me. I missed seeing him in the original series and your version of him is believable and brings him back to life.

Really the whole portrayal of life is accurate here, despite the strange circumstances. Kudos to that entire worldbuild of living in a shithole glued together by busfare and friends- nailed it. The prose is sometimes blunt and frank and othertimes occasionally approaches Douglas Adams levels of analogy, and then othertimes is subtly lyrical and I am here for all three.

All the characters had me wanting to see more of them just for the sake of seeing them. Soul is so painfully awkward that I'm wounded by seeing such an accurate reflection of myself. I'm so glad Stein and his sudoku exists. Stein essentially nullifying Black Star with a hand on his shoulder MEANS things to me. Also bless Death the Kid and his... everything. His telling Black Star that everyone at McMorties has Black Star's back is so important, and I thank you. And later on, Black Star admitting a maybe-crush on Kilik was exactly what needed to happen. And Kilik is just a GREAT FREAKIN' GUY god damn. May we all have understanding, patient Kiliks in our lives to call us out when we're being impossible.

Criticisms: not... really... anything? Not plot-wise or characterization or flow or anything substantial. I guess I was kind of hoping for Black Star to finally look at his phone at some point and read all his messages- not that he needed to, seeing as he resolved things face to face most the time- but just as potential comedy or something on the bus ride home from prison or who knows. NOT AN ACTUAL COMPLAINT. Occasional grammatical/typographical errors, usually around dialogue. Just some missing commas or misplaced end quotes or what have you.

I will no longer be able to look at Giriko and not blurt 'Biceps McHairgel'. I would also like to say that scene with Justin and Giriko beating the shit out of each other with everyone at the windows watching was reminiscent to that last scene where all the corporate buildings explode at the end of Fight Club, and it was strangely satisfying.

A great read, would rec 100 percent at any time of day. Thank you for writing this. I hope you continue to write things for the rest of your life.

I'm still laughing at that STO sign.

I remember reading this before I got my own account and now that I do I wanted to tell you your writing style is awesome there's not alot of mistakes so I don't feel like I have to revise the whole thing to better capture the characters personalities good job

A somber finish, and a satisfying one at that. Despite being given very little dialogue in the source material, I like the callous indifference (yet still left with a slightly paternal instinct) portrayed with White Star's character, and Black Star finally overcoming a hatred that haunted him for a good half of his life was really cathartic.

There's something oh-so comfy about the mix of melancholy and comedy throughout this.

Holy shit, this is good. The writing style in general is pretty fucking hilarious, and the characterization is spot-on, especially for an AU, not just boiled down to simple traits like "Kid's a symmetry addict" or "Black Star is boastful".

By the way, is McMortie's supposed to be a death pun or am I reading too deep into things?