Loved it!
I love this pairing so much! :D

Awesome story! It was super cute!

NEED MOAR RIGHT MEOW

Oh my lord I am in love with this short fic of yours! 3 tbh I think this could have been the perfect beginning of a Deathshipping chapter fic if you were ever interested in continuing it. :) I think it's kinda sweet how Mariku seems to be fascinated with Ryou and sort of stalks him _ and now he has a chance to get to know him better by the end of the fic after saving him :3 I also love all your art work too! :D yes I have definitely been on your Tumblr and I always look forward to seeing more of your cute sketches _ I'd like to see a sketch or a mini comic with Yami Yugi or the Pharaoh Atem in it along with Theif King Bakura and Marik (something along the lines of Citronshipping with the Pharaoh wanting duel with one or both of them but Bakura and Marik are too caught up flirtting with each other) 3

Nice chapter

This is adorable and I love your characterisation of Ryou. Given the anime’s penchant for merely dismissing him as a damsel in distress as the series went on, it’s easy to see him as a merely weak character so I like that he shows strength in his determination to keep possession of his body and maintains control of his interaction with Mariku.

One little thing I noticed was that you have a tendency to switch between past and present tense in your prose which should generally be consistent throughout. Writing tenses is tricky though, I still get called on it to this day. Just something to keep in mind for future stories (which I hope there will be more of).

This is a wonderful first piece of fanfiction, and writing, and you’ve paced it well. You avoid the easy trap of ‘info dumps’ and long exposition that can often trip up first time writers and I like how details are threaded throughout the story. The little touch when Ryou first sees the men and describes them as ‘figures’ only categorising them as ‘human’ after he has gotten a better look is a nice touch, particularly given the world of shadows and spirits that he’s encountered.

I really enjoyed this. Good luck for the competition. : )

This is super cute, I absolutely love it! How Ryou was planning his escape route and calculating his chances, how he refused to let Yami Bakura take over and distracted Yami Marik from finishing off the thugs. He's perceptive and strong as hell, that's Ryou Bakura!

The detail with Yami Marik's map is great as well, especially since it reveals both his artistic talent and his interest in Ryou. I love the way that Ryou didn't panic at the reveal, but just invited Yami Marik to walk with him rather than follow from afar.

3 3 3

I like how you wrote their characters :)

I also like the detail of the hand drawn-map and how Ryou's first thought was (Monster World) lol.