Great Job with this Chapter

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That was a Great Job all the errors I pointed out are fixed I look forward to the next Chapter

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Ok, you got my interest into this. Are the group going to have Starrk, Harribel, Grimmjow, Nelliel, Dordoni, Cirucci, Szayel, Gantenbianne, Baraggan, and most of all the other Arrancars we know join force to fight Soul Society?

Well that was a Great Chapter I'm going to look forward to your next Chapter

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Great Chapter Now we are One Step closer to the Real Fun

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Hey! So, this story is quite amazing, especially Zera. However, her mentally that Hallows aren't all evil kinda hits a nerve. And I'm sure that not ALL Hallows are evil, but whenever the Soul Reapers try to kill her, that's not really their fault. The Hallows they've encountered so far aren't good ones.

Then there's Ichigo and his sisters, I don't know what to say about them... Karin and Yuzu are cool and all, but it just doesn't seem to...fit. Like Ichigo worked so hard to become stronger to protect the people he loves. The people that, although they're strong, they aren't SUPER strong. Turning them badass and strong doesn't seem like it'll motivate him like it really should. Because seriously, how much harder would you work if you knew that your friends and family could take care of themselves without a hitch?

What I'm trying to say is that, right now, he doesn't have a real goal. The cannon Ichigo's goal was to become strong enough to protect his precious ones from all types of enemies that might see them harm. This one? I don't know yet.

And I'm not sure who the main character is, but if it's Ichigo, you should write his interactions with his friends. Write a part about how he and his friends met, how they became friends, what it entailed and all that good stuff. You don't have to write a scene for each friend, though. If the main character is Zera, you probably have to make her character more detailed. For whatever reason she thinks hat not all Hallows are bad, that needs more light shone on it. Because if she's as old as you say she is, then she'll see first handed how hallows act and it's not pretty. But if there's a certain event that caused her to believe in her kind, put it out there. All at once or in segments, that's up to you. It caould even be something subconscious, but readers need to know why she thinks the way she does. And it can't just be because some people are good and some are bad and that also applies to Hallows.

If any of your readers have seen the anime of read the manga, then they'll know the how, the what, the why Hallows are formed. If you're gonna go ahead and put in a different reason, they start to hint at it.

This story certainly has potential, though. I think that you and your partner in crime just need to work out the kinks. Make it more realistic, if you can. The readers have to be able to connect or feel for your characters. And the story is too fast. Pace it. Like grab an event, write it out and put some attention to it. Like when Ichigo's mother died, that was a good one. It would've been better if you focused on the emotional aspect of it also. What you did kind of made me feel like they got over her death too quickly. It matters little if they'll get to see her soon or not. A death is a death.

Sorry if you found this offensive. If you don't agree with what I reviewed then you are free to ignore it.
T
The good things to point out are that there were very limited grammar. That's great! The story wasn't very confusing. I was able to follow it quite well. The introduction of Ruka was smooth and that was kind of important, so good job. The way you write is also good. I can almost feel you slaving over what words to put to make it flow. So, yeah. Hardworking! Then Ichigo fighting...I always wondered how the orange haired boy was so good at fighting when he only faced bullies and his dad's unpredictable attacks. Those two reasons were not enough to make him a good fighter. Especially over people who've lived and fought for thousands of years. If all else failed, the older veterans would've at least one through experience. So, good job for throwing it out there that Ichigo has a sensei who trained him how to fight. I like the fact that he didn't suddenly just got strong and good at winning just because he had a hallow hidden inside him or because of his overwhelming aura. There were plenty of people who had a stronger and more honed aura. Good Job!

So, yeah. I'm done. I feel like it probably wasn't what you wanted to hear so sorry. I hope you found my review helpful and not demeaning cause that was not my intention. Don't give up on this story, ok? It just needs to be straightened out, not abandoned. And this IS a good story. Waaaaay better than some others out there.

Thank you and enjoy the long read.

Hold on so he know kido,hado and his history so does this mean he or his sister weild or ja e bankai?

Its weird they weren't aigjt the dangers soul reapers pose to them or how to hide or disguise their powers soul reaper pose to them? Do they know that their shibas and are consider kill on sight or the children of a criminal. After seeing so e of their power she thought it was okay to attack hon and take him from school?

She seems kinda weak for an arracarr which should be the peak of hallow evolution that's over a thousand

Zera is a lot softer than she should br

They must have never heard if the firlce of life they need to watch lion king

Great Chapter

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Great Chapter I'm Looking forward to the Next Chapter

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Great Chapter I can't wait for the next one

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Love the story and it has an interesting twist to it (the whole being hollow thing) can't wait to read more!