This is just like canon XD It's possible ñ.ñ

I love it.

Kisses from Argentina!

this was perfect describing their relationship in general and of course none can let the other take control

great and sexy

Not only am I a fan of that song, I'm also fan of this pairing and so I enjoyed it. Cheers!

that was hot and i also loved the song

nice job

CRAP-A-TASTIC HARRY POTTER FEN

AND WHO TO AVOID WHEN

NEWT GINGRICH

Special edition with a foreword by

DAVID HASSELHOF

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Newton ('Newt') Muchamis Fido Gingrich was born, alas. His interest in crazy bitches was sparked by his mother, who was an enthusiast breeder of bite-first, don't-ask-questions mongrels. Upon graduation from the kennel, Mr. Gingrich joined the gun-lobby.

FOREWORD

Is this not Germany? These aren't my fans. Where are my wrinkled puppies? The Wiener is not for publication. I support the gun lobby. Shoot these bitches! They aren't my fans.

INTRODUCTION

About This Book

Crap-atastic Harry Potter Fen and Who to Avoid When represents the fruit of many years fanning and research. I look back across the years to the fourteen-year-old fanboy who spent hours in his room writing Gary Stus and I don't envy him the flames to come: from "this sucks! kthnxs" to "die asshole! Hermione and Harry do not have a son called Cactus!", from "this fic is a cum rag!" to "a waste of valuable webspace", that Stu writing boy would wade through, as he hadn't found the delete option, his review board. I have read WiPs, forums, mailing lists and blogs across the world wide web, observed the curious habits of barking mad fen in a hundred wanks, witnessed their backstabbing, head-desked at their delusions and, on occasion, flamed the crap out of them.

This introduction is intended to answer a few of the most FAQ. The first of these is that most fundamental question of all, what is a 'crap-atastistic fan'?

What Is a Crap-Atastic Fan?

The definition of a 'crap-a-tastic fan' has caused controversy for decades. Though this might surprise some first-time students of fanology, the problem might come into clearer focus if we take a moment to consider three types of crap-a-tastic Harry Potter fan.

Aja spends most of her time as a normal person. A few times a year, however, she transforms into a shrewd, sharp-witted gay rights activist of essayist intent and crack Harry/Draco shipping.

Heidi Tandy's habits are not fan-like; she is a lawyer, refuses to think, prefers to bully the fandom and yet consumes as much smut as the rest of them.

Cassandra Claire has a fan-like appearance, writes crap, plagiarizes, may get a few laughs and yet is more popular than the most well known Snape shippers and unable to pay for her own hardware, except for what she skims of her fans' backs.

We now ask ourselves: who among these three is a 'normal person', a person with a real life and common sense, and who is a 'crap-atastic fan'?

Early attempts at deciding which normal people should be called 'fans' were extremely funny.

Henry Jenkins, Professor at M.I.T. since last century, decreed that any woman of the slash community who typed with three fingers or more would henceforth be granted the status of fan, all others to remain 'normal people'. In a spirit or horniness he summoned all 'fans' to meet with the academics at a circle-wank to discuss new positions for Kirk and Spock and found to his intense dismay that he was slashed. The auditorium was crammed with women who had brought with them as much adult toys as they could find. As Joanna Russ tells us in How to Flee Women’s Strap-Ons:

Little could be heard over the moaning of Henry, the groaning of Henry and the relentless, smelly farts of his assistants. As academics attempted to consult the S/K scenarios before them, rubber-clad dominatrixes and lesbians whipped their butts, laughing and whistling. A dozen or so Bones fans began to poop the party with their dry wit, while Scotty fans looted the place for spare parts. Professor Jenkins stood up to finish the wank, slipped onto a broom and ran screaming from the hall.

As we see, the mere typing with three or more fingers was no guarantee that a person could or would take an interest in fandom. Not defeated, Henry Jenkins swore to integrate all slashers into polite society.

Jenkins' successor, Lee Goldberg, attempted to redefine 'fan' in the hope of creating close ties with other circle-wank communities. 'Fans', he declared, were those who were barking mad. All those who could not make themselves understood to normal people were therefore invited to join the next circle-wank. Once again, however, there were riots.

Chan-slashers who had been taught a few polite idioms proceeded to shock society at large as before. Fag hags lingered around Lee's chair legs, trying to suck up. Meanwhile a large delegation of Mothers for America (who had been barred under Jenkins' leadership on the grounds that they were not sane, but ranted) attended but left in disgust at what they later termed "Liberals' insistence that Jesus was flamingly gay as opposed to just joyful". The RPS-ers, who under Jenkins had been classified as 'fans', refused to attend the circle-wank in protest at the exclusion of the Furries who were unable to converse in anything but woofs while in costume.

Not until 20 were definitions found that most of the fandom found acceptable. Condoleeza Rice, the newly appointed Q, decreed that a 'fan' was "any person who finds Bush funny enough to be going on with and perhaps slashes our opponents with less grammar mistakes than my boss". Anime cosplayers were questioned in the absence of Furries and judged not to understand anything that was being said to them; they were therefore classified as 'normal people' despite their crazy outfits; tinhats were invited through translators of Elvish to become 'fans' for the first time; bandnerds, stalkers and junkies, despite their nerdy appearance, were placed firmly in the 'normal person' category.

Naturally, the matter has not rested there. We are all familiar with the extremists who campaign for the classification of minors as 'fans'; we are all aware that the stalkers have refused 'normal person' status and requested to remain 'fans'; tinhats, meanwhile, have been shunted between the Fans and dl_anon divide for many months; at the time of writing there is a petition to ban the tinhats from fandom whereas real life doesn't want them either. Several highly intelligent persons are qualified as 'fans' because they are incapable of overcoming their own petty petpeeves. Bit of Earthers are capable of intelligent speech but are on the run from the law. Maybethemoon couldn't run a FQF to save her life, and is violent when critiqued.

...perfect...

I am positivly shivering. This was wonderful. Just wonderful.

x x x Oo. 0 wow... that was... mm mm sexy! that was great! violent lust - Ron/Draco perfect! u shud so do a sequel or a fic from the same universe. i wud love to find out what happened later! x x x

that's that's great...

I listened to Closer when I read this. That was the most brilliant use of lyrics EVER! Trent Resner, fuck me like an animal. Yes, please. Thank you for that moment of...happiness. Thank you vvery much.

ehh,that made no sense at again,nothing in life ,yet i enjoyed.I've lost well

OOh... This is good, too. Ron/Draco is wonderfully interesting, complex, and not to mention *hot*; there isn't enough of it out there. This is great. So charged; edgy and exciting. Love it.

You wrote this when I didn't have my computer and couldn't review, but God.

This takes my breath away. If I could reccomend a fic to someone describing the dynamics of a Ron/Draco would be it. All of it is written so *well*.

Oh. My. God.

That is one of the best slashes that I have ever read, right up with "I'm Not In Denial". HANDCUFFS! E! I love that. kiinky. This story. agh, this story is so perfect. Violent lust good. Violent lust with Ron and Draco getting nookie Purr.

Good work! Luved it! More of your fics, please!