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Sans is just so great. And Chara will kill you if u don’t put them in a dress apparently.

...but as the story progressed, Chara redeemed herself as a person and now the relationship has progressed to a point where they're genuine friends and partners again. This fluff chapter was honestly really satisfying to read, full of heartwarming moments. Probably my favorite was their hug and everything leading up to this moment:

"They threw themselves at Chara, and Chara embraced them in a way the ghost Chara could only ever do in their dreams. Now it was real. It was reality, and it made them feel so much. All those resets, all those re-tries, just for this moment, and it was worth every single one of them."

This brought a really big smile to my face, seeing them happy like this. :)

In general, I enjoy where you're going with the Charisk romance, and I look forward to seeing what comes next. It's heartwarming, smoothly developed, and really gets me to root for these two.

(Side note: "I don't know because I never watched a PG-13 movie. And it's an important job to classify movies. I don't wanna accidentally watch something that's gonna scar me for life." from Frisk is a REALLY funny line, considering Chapter 3 and that they've probably done a Genocide Route.)

I don't have that much to criticize about the relationship between Frisk and Chara, but one issue does come to mind: I find Chara constantly referring to Frisk as "the child" kind of strange, and a bit awkward in the context of a romantic story. This is also where the inconsistent maturity I mentioned above causes a problem, and it makes Chara's attempt to mortify Frisk in Chapter 8 feel a little awkward, especially when she follows it up with the "snot nosed kid" comment. However, while it's awkward (I think due to the unclear direction as to where the story is going with their relationship), it's not strange to the point of being creepy, because Chara is a child herself, they're around the same maturity level, and Frisk is kind of a happy balloon bursting with positive energy around them, etc. I get that it's also supposed to be a tie-in to Chara's background as a protector of all children, and I think it does that well - but I think that the story would be more effective if after that scene in Chapter 13 where Chara goes to the effort to call Frisk by their real name (which they respond to positively), she continued to do so thereafter. Continuing to call them "child" creates distance between the two which undermines the connection between them and the romance element of the story. Perhaps it should continue with less frequency, or in her internal thoughts but not when talking to Frisk - something like that. Maybe this is an intentional barrier that Chara puts up to distance herself, but the story never really says or implies this as far as I can remember, and she calls everyone else by their actual names. As of this chapter they're genuinely making an effort to be nicer and closer, too, so it feels a little jarring to see. Overall, I enjoy reading about the bond between these two characters, however, and I can't wait to see what'll happen next!

Your story doesn't really have plot holes overall, but I did find some potential one in the most recent chapter. How does Toriel get the Royal Physician to examine Chara without tipping off Asgore & co. as to Chara's existence and location? We see that she hid her identity on the way to Sans's house, and we aren't told anything about the Royal Physician's identity...so I'm not sure how this makes sense. I might have missed something, but I can't find an explanation for it. Furthermore, if Papyrus has been in house arrest for a week or so (and it's stated that he was previously kept there by guards), why don't the guards return to guard him after the explosion, and how do Toriel, Chara and Frisk manage to stay in his house without arousing suspicion? I mean yeah, there's the disguise when they go out, but it's strange that the guards would bother to take away Papyrus's communication devices but not keep an eye on the house or the people in it - or check on him at all? And why didn't Undyne show up at all during this time period, being Papyrus's best friend and boss? You might want to explain this better.

My final criticism of the story relates to its diction, i.e. word choice, which is generally not a problem in the majority of the fic, but odd word choices pop up in a few events. Aside from the "child" thing, I have to agree with a previous reviewer that the use of British words like "arse" and "storey" as well as the use of typing conventions like "Mr" instead of "Mr." are distracting, because Undertale uses American English everywhere, as do the characters. I was wondering if your version of the story was intentionally set in Britain or something, but a quick Google search reveals that the only "Collingwood" I can find (which must be near Mt. Ebott according to Chapter 1, although it's possible Chara moved to another country at some point) is in Canada, which uses "Mr." like the United States does. It's not a massive issue, but I think it pulls some readers out of the story a bit, including me.

Chara's frequent use of "dear"/"dearie" actually got annoying to me at first since she says it a LOT (at least in the early chapters), but I eventually got used to it. That said, I think it could be toned down a bit as this is also distracting; this isn't Animal Crossing, where a character's catchphrase is used in every other sentence. :)

Chara is also frequently described as a "monarch" which bugs me. The word "monarch" is, to my knowledge, only used to refer to a supreme ruler, and while Chara as a princess is royalty, she's not the queen and does not rule the Underground - something the story makes VERY clear - so it's an inaccurate descriptor. I think that could be replaced.

Finally, a one-off issue in Chapter 7: Frisk is described as "pallid" which doesn't feel like the right adjective to use, since "pallid" has the connotation of frailness/sickliness. Their face is just pale from concern!

This concludes my issues with the story's diction, which is largely very good. I also noticed a few typos here and there, and I'll point out the ones I caught but I'm sure there are others:

Chapter 1: "Mt Ebbot" should be "Mt. Ebott"
Chapter 8: The first sentence has a subject-verb agreement error.
Chapter 8: "a simple hanging lamps" should either have no a or no -s"
Chapter 8: "appear a sibling" should be "appear as siblings"
Chapter 8: "vile little things" should be "vile little thing"
Chapter 8: "For keep trying." should be "For keeping on trying." - you might want to revise Chapter 8 grammatically :)
Chapter 16, Part 2: "i mess up, didn't i?" should be "i messed up, didn't i?"
Chapter 18: "i plea not guilty" should be "i plead not guilty"

In regards to Sans and Papyrus speaking in all lowercase letters and ALL CAPS respectively, I don't a strong opinion on this, but when reading a story rather than playing a game, it has an effect similar to writing out an accent by cutting off words with apostrophes. Because the characters are speaking, not writing, the presentation of the words is more reflective of the writer than the characters. On the other hand, the letter casing is well established as Sans and Papyrus's schtick, so although my preference is to use normal letter casing, I don't really have a problem with it.

I've done a lot of thinking about this story, as you can probably tell, so to conclude this VERY long review, I'm gonna attempt to piece together mysteries of the story from the hints, foreshadowing and intrigue, because I'm very excited to see what'll happen next and am wondering if I'm correct.

Chara's backstory is hinted at several points. The obvious implication with the sexual assault scene is that she and several other children were held captive at some kind of - prison camp/brothel, and she often endured abuse to protect younger children from suffering the same. Yikes. Based on her flashback along the Snowdin Forest path and her conversation with Dreamy Asriel, we can infer that she protected other lost/endangered children before, and failed at doing so repeatedly. Frisk gives her a sense of security in that she feels protective but can actually save them unlike the others, and previously the time powers gave that sense of security about them too - which I thought was a nice touch. Chara also apparently has voices in her head? I'm wondering if it's a mental disorder or actual people in her head - it could be either, given that Chapter 13 establishes she has a lot of suppressed memories and that Dreamy Asriel is able to command the other voices into submission.

Based on Frisk's conversations with Sans, it seems clear that what Frisk did to revive Chara, which he feels really bad about, involved a Genocide Route. I can think of no other reason why Sans would have such an instinctive desire to destroy the two of them. Additionally, Flowey's memory has been wiped, but Frisk is aware that he's the key to a happy ending and mentions having broken the barrier before (the memory situation is indicative in canon of either a True Reset or a completed Genocide Route) and furthermore, Chara only gains physical form in canon through the completion of a Genocide Route. Yeah...I can see why Frisk would both feel bad about that and not want others to know about it.

It's worth noting that in Undertale canon, a normal reset wipes characters' memories but leaves them with "déjà vu", but Flowey's memories are always left intact by this due to his determination. The True Reset/Genocide Route option is a complete wipe and leaves characters with no sense of familiarity. This could be a divergence from canon (Toriel also has déjà vu in this fic), but I find it strange that Flowey remembers nothing - as far as we know - but other characters retain their familiarity. My suspicion is that the True Resets made Flowey forget about the pacifist endings, but the Genocide Route which occurred to resurrect Chara happened most recently and was not a complete wipe. It's clear at any rate that SOMETHING went wrong with Chara's resurrection, based on her kill count, Sans's inability to read her stats and the shrieking aura.

Also worth noting is that Chara can remember resets, which means that either she has determination or her psychic link with Frisk allows her to retain her memories.

It's unclear how Sans's severed hand ended up travelling through time and appearing in his lab. There's the question of whether it's Sans's hand at all and not say, GASTER'S. Dun dun dun! But assuming it is his hand, Sans does express uncertainty that the machine would work as designed. I've considered the idea that it wasn't sent from the future at all, but was sent from the past (or maybe it's a previous future that was destroyed, and that qualifies timeline-wise)...the point being, I think it was the Sans killed in the Genocide Route who sent the hand through time as a warning to himself. He does go offscreen when killed, after all...and there were no other options left.

The last mystery is Dreamy Asriel. What is he? It appears that he's some kind of figment of memory or stored personality, but he was able to absorb a SOUL fragment, command Chara's body and apparently gain control of her magical aura (but not without a struggle), unless I misinterpreted those events. I'm not sure that he's a manifestation of ghost Chara because the flashback with Frisk in Waterfall and Frisk's general description of ghost Chara is positive - on the other hand, Frisk says in Chapter 1 that he was expecting Chara to be "better" upon resurrection, so that's not a guarantee. Maybe there were several ghost Charas? And this leads me to wonder what ghost Chara(s) thought of the whole "Genocide Route to revive her" thing, if I'm correct on that theory. Honestly I'm very intrigued by this idea, and I'm interested to learn more.

Given what the aura/demon creature says during the fight with Sans, it killed Papyrus and is very clearly related to Chara on the Genocide Route, so I think there's some definite connection with ghost Chara, even if it's not them exactly, and the red eyes and black tar also point in that direction. That's as far as I can really go with this mystery, but like many elements of your story, it's been really fun to think about!

Lastly, I'm really rooting for these characters in their struggles to come, and I'm hoping for Frisk to achieve their happy ending, mend what's broken and for Chara to regain the use of her arm - I know that might not happen, but Chara losing her arm is just really sad, and the latest chapter showcases the difficulties well. :( But it looks like from this point forward, they're partners again and they'll always have each other, whatever hardships they face!

No matter what happens, I know I'm going to really enjoy it when it eventually comes, because you're an excellent writer and your talented plot construction makes the story extremely enticing to read. You have earned yourself a favorite. :)

Once more, take care and I hope you're doing well in these difficult times! Good luck with your other projects as well!

MaximizeCharisma

...but I especially liked this most recent chapter with her learning about movies and watching Toy Story, reacting so emotionally and sharing some of her past with Frisk. That was exceptionally well done characterization and a heartwarming series of moments, and I want to point that out. :)

(Side note: According to Wikipedia, Japan's forcible reconstruction by Allied forces took place between 1945 and 1952. Chara is stated to fall into the Underground in 1954, and her age is 13 at death, one year after falling into the Underground, meaning she would have been born in 1942 or thereabouts...which is an acceptable time frame for her to be concerned about the Nazis - defeated in 1945 - making a reappearance sometime in the next 60 years; and I mean, the alt-right has in recent years, so she's not entirely wrong in those worries. But her description of Japan as more or less a nuclear wasteland, while a good joke, would not be quite accurate in 1954 in my opinion, because at that time the reconstruction had made major strides and international perception of Japan had changed. To be fair, it's implied that Chara didn't exactly have perfect access to information due to her circumstances and the technological limitations of her time period - I have a friend who lived before the internet, and it's kind of crazy how it revolutionized our access to information.

Plus, despite Japan's rich cultural and military history, it still took time for their economy to really boom after that point and to become the country it is today. I think it's logical but could be explained a little better. This is a nitpick, though.

On a related note, Chara's description of computers is well-researched. No problem here!)

At the start of the story Chara is an absolutely selfish jerk and wow, is she ever cruel. But despite how sadistic she is at first and how that tendency goes away fairly suddenly, I think the progression is justified well through her conversations with Papyrus and Dreamy Asriel. They feel really genuine, and I can see the line from point A to point B through Chara's mindset.

And while her background hasn't been covered in detail, you can see that as a character she's suffered a lot at the hands of humans, and her reasons for suspecting Frisk make logical sense.

Chara undergoes some very meaningful character growth (heh) throughout the 19 chapters posted thus far and I enjoyed every minute of it. Chara's speech to Frisk in the dream world and Frisk's response to Chara at her bedside were two of the hardest hitting emotional moments in the story for me, and both of them were done perfectly. I can't think of how it could have been better, honestly. It was that good.

(Although that surprise twist with Dreamy Asriel at the end of the first one did give me a big shock. Again, well done.)

While I did see one reviewer who thought Chara was too violent to be relatable, I think that in the latest chapters she has redeemed herself for how she treated Frisk, and I actually like her arc to redemption quite a lot. And oh boy, has she ever suffered for her arrogance and bad decisions. If her bad behavior had been rationalized or ignored, that would be a big problem, but it's dealt with and she genuinely feels sorry, redeems herself and grows to trust Frisk in the end. Again, this feels real. I'd go so far as to say this is one of the very few stories which does "enemies to more than friends" right, and that's saying something since it's exceptionally hard to pull off believably.

She's also honestly pretty funny in many parts of the story with her deadpan style of humor (the two times she attempts to eat spaghetti come to mind), and she's an intriguing character in the way she thinks and acts. I think her interactions with Papyrus are some of the best examples of her character development, as she grows from being annoyed with him to genuinely considering him a friend in a really natural way.

Chara is undoubtedly my favorite character in this story, and since the premise of the story is mostly about her interactions with others, I think you've done a great job.

I do have a few criticisms, however. The first problem is that the story, through Dreamy Asriel and Chara's flashbacks, uses Chara's past protecting human children as justification for her protectiveness towards Frisk. But her protective instincts don't truly begin to shine until after Frisk is kidnapped, and in Chapters 1-4 she had no problem torturing and killing them. The story justifies her paranoia well, but doesn't do a great job of displaying Chara's internal conflict. I have significant trouble believing that someone who had such strong protective instincts towards younger humans in the past would not feel more troubled or hesitant about her actions.

This isn't really justified with a good reason, either. She does try to stay strong in face of a potential enemy to a fault, yes, and she has reason to worry about her family, but even so one would think Frisk's actions and innocent resolve would have appealed to the protective part of her sooner than it did.

Additionally, the lack of internal conflict about the morality of her actions makes her difficult to relate to during these early chapters, especially since these actions are the first the reader sees of her.

I actually ended up buying into her protective nature later in the story; to me, the problem lies in her behavior near the beginning.

I feel this problem detracts from her character, from the relationship and from the story as a whole - this strained my suspension of disbelief more than any other issue. Not enough to break it, but enough to test it, and I can see where that reviewer who said Chara was too violent to be relatable was coming from. This is my largest issue of mixed feelings relating to characterization.

On the other hand, I didn't actually have a problem with Frisk's reaction to how she treats them - it's established early on that they're not an unbreakable wall of merciful kindness, and I could believe someone going to such great lengths to try to fix a relationship with someone who they were partners with for such a long time and cared about them enough to resurrect them from the dead. Even moreso since they're a time traveller.

Getting fed up after her actions in Snowdin was likewise a believable limit to their drive to repair things. I can see how the slap there was worse to them than what Chara had done before, especially with how selfishly Chara was behaving at the time. Honestly I think this is done well, particularly when Chara eventually realizes how she's acted and promises to earn a second chance from them rather than simply expect one. The abusive behavior is forgiven, but not excused or ignored, and she actually suffers through hardship for how she treated them and learns from it. So I don't think the relationship between the two characters is unhealthy as of this point in the story; as I've said, the story does a good job of redeeming her.

Admittedly, redemption only works this well because Chara is a child herself, and her maturity level is not far from Frisk's (much as she'd like to pretend otherwise). If Chara was more mature as a character this would not have been as successful. And speaking of that, it's time to talk about Sans!

Sans in this story is a character I have a lot of mixed feelings about. But unlike my issue with Chara, the mixed feelings here are an enhancement to the story.

First of all, Sans is one of my favorite characters ever, and in terms of portraying him accurately you do a fantastic job. Nothing about him feels contrived or unbelievable, he's genuinely smart and perceptive, he's a skilled and extremely dangerous combatant with lightning reflexes, he's infuriatingly nonchalant to Chara, and his motivations make sense even when his actions are cruel.

This is also the first time (in a competently written fic) where I've seen Sans's nonchalance get shattered in a display of actual unease from him to the point where he completely breaks down. It made sense and it was a cool change of pace as well as a source of tension and excitement.

Having your severed hand sent to you through a time machine as a warning, confirmation of a timespace anomaly, and seeing that the anomaly appears to be a demonic murderer with a huge kill count that's "befriending" your brother, combined with a vague memory of what's implied to be a Genocide Route...on a logical level, Sans's motivations are 100% understandable and fit well with the context of his character. He's tired of being toyed with by fate, but as Chara points out, that does not give him the moral high ground.

That being said, I HATE Sans in this story. Not as a character (he makes a great and intelligent antagonist), but as a person. This is probably because emotionally, I'm in the same position as Alphys is, rooting for Frisk and Chara to reunite and have a happy ending. And I think this juxtaposition and the complexity of my feelings about him is wonderful writing on your part.

Sans, despite his understandable motivations and overall desire to do the right thing, is beyond cruel in this story. I would even argue he's nastier than Chara is at her worst, because Sans doesn't have the excuse of being a child, knowingly locks up and torments someone he isn't sure is guilty and hasn't done anything to them based solely on intuition, goes far out of his way to cause harm, dismisses contradictory evidence to his prejudice that he should really analyze, and is mocking and hurtful to both protagonists overall at times when they're only trying to protect each other.

It's believable drama, and through his behavior towards Papyrus we can see that his cruelty derives from feelings of despair and brokenness. But I still hate him for it, and his behavior towards Frisk is understandable but not at all justified on a moral level.

I find it fascinating how this story has made me hate a character I normally love without breaking my suspension of disbelief, and again, I think your writing deserves credit for making me see things from different points of view like this.

Additionally, your story doesn't fall into the common trap of having Sans be an unstoppable badass (and therefore boring). His battle with Chara was truly epic because neither side felt overpowered, they constantly had surprises for each other, you could feel the heightened emotion and desperate tension from both combatants, it's clear what's at stake for both of them if they lose, and he tried his absolute best to win the fight even when the tables turned against him, all of which admittedly made me feel some sympathy for him. His jabs and attempts to frustrate Chara to make them sloppy were also completely in character for him. And Chara's transformation didn't come off as a deus ex machina because it wasn't an instant win card by any means, the transformation ends up being seriously harmful to her, and her unusual abilities had been previously established throughout the story through several means, including in her lower stakes battle against Toriel.

This was a fantastic action scene, and my eyes were glued to the virtual page the entire time.

As upset as I am with Sans in this fic, I'm still interested to see what'll happen next from his point of view, which I'm sure will happen sooner or later. What is he THINKING? What could possibly be going through his mind? I'm intrigued.

...Also, I'll admit that despite my despising him, his jokes and jabs during the fight with Chara were pretty funny nevertheless.

Papyrus feels entirely in character and is one of my favorite characters in this story. He's kind and naive, but he's not an idiot - in fact he actually does a better job than Sans does of discerning Chara's true nature at heart. I appreciate that he does this through his superior emotional intelligence, and it says something about the limitations of Sans's coldly analytical approach. Especially when Papyrus is able to catch his brother so off guard and sees through him twice. He has hidden depths, and his kindness towards Chara is what causes her to truly begin to become a better person. He also, as in Undertale canon, provides some much needed comic relief.

The choice to not have him be in focus during his first appearance was interesting, but ultimately I think it helps the story overall, since Chara's initial dismissal of Papyrus helps mark and solidify her growth as a character later on, and her behavior in this scene is a major contributor in her conflict with Frisk. Furthermore, it flipped the typical script on its head by having Papyrus be the first to truly make a connection, which I enjoyed.

I also enjoyed that even Papyrus, the relentless optimist, had a very realistic and sad reaction when it came to Sans and Chara, even helped in Sans's defeat, and was very genuine in how he treated Frisk thereafter. This was excellent characterization and satisfying to read.

Toriel is presented uniquely in this story; I don't think I've seen this kind of portrayal done before, another unexpected aspect of your story which I found very interesting. She's another character that I'm not sure how I feel about.

I like how we get to see several sides of Toriel: as a person, as a mother, and as a queen. She's not typically given this much character depth in fanfics, and seeing things from her point of view felt authentic and molded her into a stronger part of the story.

The moments where she shows her vulnerable side and ends up breaking down in front of Frisk, despite knowing she shouldn't, do an excellent job of showing her as a person.

The fight against her was also a surprise, and fun. You'd think there'd be more fics where she actually succeeds in destroying the exit, but this is the first one I've seen.

And while having her be a secret ninja with combat skills was a shock, not only is it hilarious but it integrates well into the story. Chara does mention her previous sparring with the Royal Guard, which implies that her family has some history with combat training. Logically, Toriel didn't get 80 ATK and DEF out of nowhere - it's implied that she's seriously holding back, and being the queen, she obviously would know how to fight. Her fighting style that targets pressure points was also in character with her unwillingness to fight unless necessary.

Frisk and Chara's creative use of tactics in battle against her, and her adaptation to these tactics, are yet another reason why this story's action sequences are great.

Her portrayal as a mother is where it gets a little iffy for me. I think the conflict between them about leaving the Ruins is dealt with very well (and is realistic, in an unfortunate way), as is the scene when she bursts into the bedroom and confronts Chara. If a long-lost child appeared out of nowhere after decades as if in a dream and suddenly demonstrated extreme sadism they hadn't before, denying it as being the result of some kind of demon is an understandable reaction in the moment.

The two points where her behavior as a mother stick out as strange to me are her delayed reaction before bursting into the bedroom and Sans's trial. In the former, her freezing and rapid denial seem like a strange reaction to me: she'd heard laughter followed by screaming, followed by sadistic words. It seems to me that she, wanting to disbelieve what's happening, would burst into the room immediately, hoping against hope that what's happening is not what it sounds like.

She does do it eventually, and I like the impact of the scene where she does and its aftermath as it teaches Chara a much-deserved lesson or two. It just felt somewhat strange that her response was to freeze like this rather than try to confirm her false belief immediately, which is a frequent first response when choosing denial.

Furthermore, her thought process seems entirely focused on Chara's behavior and not on Frisk's suffering, which she can clearly hear is happening. This felt jarring to read and out of character for Toriel.

The other instance of odd behavior is when she has Chara choose Sans's fate with an apparent expectation that it will be something terrible. She explains that she's a mother first and shows no mercy to those who hurt children, but...problem 1, if that's the case, why didn't she burst into the room earlier when she heard Frisk's suffering? Problem 2, Toriel in canon, while she by no means forgives Asgore for his murders of six children, says that even he deserves mercy - so this felt a bit out of character.

On the other hand...Sans did betray her trust and break his promise to protect humans in the worst way by trying to kill her child, nearly succeeding and causing her to lose an arm, is in her eyes a traitor to the kingdom, a symbol of the husband she now detests...and he shows no remorse for any of it, instead overtly threatening two children (including the one he almost killed) right in front of her. Oh, and he calls her an idiot and uses foul language when addressing said kids. I can let problem 2 slide given the circumstances!

Problem 3, however...the trial kind of has an "execution" vibe to it, even though it ends up being subverted. It felt strange that Toriel had no reaction when Chara casually brought up torture and death like that and even attacked Sans; it gives the feeling that she wouldn't care at all if her child did that, and that doesn't seem in character as a parent.

Also, I get the feeling that Toriel isn't going to be happy if she finds out Alphys accessed the Royal Archive without permission...which brings me to...

Alphys! She hasn't been featured much in the story yet, although I suspect that will change soon as Undyne will probably be showing up...and Alphys is the most likely to notice that Sans is missing in action. What has been seen of her so far is completely in character, not to mention very funny. I laughed out loud at her first conversation with Sans. "You seem to have put a lot of thought into this" was priceless.

I've already mentioned I liked the scene with her database problems, and it's the first hint to Gaster's existence in this fic! As an Undertale fic goes on, the probability of Gaster or his followers making an appearance approaches 1, after all. I'm curious as to what role he'll play in this fic, if at all - the characters will likely be entering Waterfall soon so something might happen!

I think that covers my thoughts on all of the major characters. A few honorable mentions for minor characters:

Flowey has been curiously absent since the Ruins. I was wondering if you were going to have him chase after Chara throughout the story, but what he does instead is entirely believable for him. I wonder what he's up to? It's unclear whether he knows that Frisk has lost his RESET power. Hmm...

I actually really liked the scene between Frisk and Snowdrake, where he reveals he's not that bad a guy after all (I mean, he did fight against Sans) and relates to him over the loss of his mother. It was touching and emotionally impactful, especially with how Frisk ends by telling him to go see his dad. As for myself as a reader, I forgive Snowdrake on an emotional level - but I still despise Sans.

Now that I've covered all the characters, I have additional thoughts on the Charisk part of the story.

So, this story is a slow burn fic with gradual pacing. I don't have a problem with this because as I've mentioned, your plot construction and worldbuilding are very well-done, so it's the exact opposite of a boring slog; it's a fascinating journey where lots of time is taken to flesh out interesting relationships between characters and juicy details about the world, and this kind of detailed attention tends to make for much more compelling adventure and romance stories. This is part of why I'm so excited about what happens next, too!

When the story began, the relationship between them was obviously very unhealthy and one-sided, bu

Hi there! First of all, I hope you and your loved ones are doing well in these pandemic-ridden times. Some of your wording choices indicate you're probably British, and the UK is one of the worst hit countries, sadly...so my thoughts go out to you!

Fair warning: this review will be LONG and rambling (my reviews always are, but this story is exceptional even by my usual standards because I just have so MUCH to say about it, and I've been writing up this review across the past two days). I've been told by an friend of mine who's an author that most authors of long stories appreciate long reviews - especially those authors who put so much effort into the small details themselves - so here goes. :)

(Note to anyone else reading this long review: it contains a lot of spoilers and this fic is best experienced blind!)

I used to read a lot of fanfiction when I was younger, but in the past few years I've sadly lost the energy I once had for it. I suppose it doesn't help that while Undertale is an amazing game, the fandom is fairly susceptible to Sturgeon's Law. But I decided three days ago to see if there was anything new and interesting in the Undertale fandom (noting that it's approaching 10k stories and one of the highest story counts for games on this site). "Hmmm...I'll try sorting by number of reviews!"

...well, I ended up deciding to click on your story. And boy, that was a wonderful mistake, because I spent the next 21 hours binge reading every word, only pausing to eat, exercise, and get a few hours of sleep. This was an EXPERIENCE. Wow. It even rejuvenated my interest in fanfiction a little. Thanks!

(Don't worry, your story hasn't hurt me...except in the feels!)

So, after catching up on my sleep, I'm writing this because I haven't read any piece of writing that's made me THINK so much in a long time, and you deserve a long review for it while everything's still fresh in my mind. :)

Where to begin? Not all of my feedback will be strictly positive (although all of it is intended constructively). I enjoyed reading this story, but strangely enough for me, I don't actually know for sure how I feel about it, and I don't mean that in a bad way - I don't know how I feel because I'm THINKING so much about your writing, analyzing it from different angles and replaying the characters and events in my mind. It's been refreshingly interesting, and reading this has had an impact on me that's hard to describe. But I'll give it my best shot anyway!

So, first off, I think you're a very talented writer with a lot of potential. Even though I have mixed feelings about some aspects of the story, your plot construction and characterization is so interesting to follow that I stayed captivated for an entire day. There were a lot of things I genuinely enjoyed about this story, and I'll try my best to provide a complete and honest overview of my thoughts.

I'll start with my first impression, which I admit was not great. The title is worth a smile looking at it now, but initially it was non-indicative to me - it made me expect a comedic, lighthearted story that didn't take itself too seriously, about a post-genocide route or something like that which would be exceedingly difficult to pull off well. I was further discouraged about it being incomplete and not updated for so long (no fault to you, I just tend to not read unfinished stories to save myself heartache if it's never updated), but after noticing that you first published all the way back in 2016, and reading your author's notes, I'm confident that this will be finished one day, even if it takes a long while. So I'm in this for the long haul and am filled with PATIENCE. :)

(Side note: I have a pet peeve about summaries that ask "if" questions to which the answer is obviously "yes", even rhetorical ones - I think you could make the summary more effective by replacing the last line with something along the lines of "Unfortunately, many years have passed since Chara was last in the Underground". In general, "how" questions, especially if unspoken like this, make for far more intriguing summaries than "if" questions, in my opinion. Now, onto the story.)

In the end I decided to give your story a shot in spite of my first impression. Oddly I think your name for the first room - "the Pit" - is what intrigued me enough to click on it and at least see what it's about. I've seen that room called the "Surface Chamber" in one story before, but I don't recall any other stories where it was given a specific proper name, and I took this as a sign of good worldbuilding potential.

It was a good choice, because my first impression was promptly thrown to the ground by a sudden surge of gravity, sliced up by a forest of rapidly oscillating bones, caught in a storm of more bones from the side, and then blasted into oblivion by KARMA.

Woah. It was an effective start because I was not expecting that at all, and I was immediately hooked. While the idea may have come from a tumblr post, this is also the first time I've read a story like this and it feels creative and original in concept. I immediately saw this was not a typical Undertale fic, and being a fan of stories with dark elements (up to a certain point) my interest spiked.

I'm picky in my reading tastes, and there's only two other Undertale fics that have seriously caught my interest like this right off the bat - "Strange Places" by Ayu Ohseki and "Recursion" by coincidencless (both of which are also good adventure stories with Charisk elements that I would recommend to any Undertale fan). "I killed you, can I get a kiss now?" became story #3. I knew this was going to be an impactful experience, and the story did not disappoint.

When the story begins, you immediately establish a solid sense of tone without being melodramatic, which I consider a somewhat difficult feat (it vaguely reminded me of the impact of Deltarune's "survey" introduction). You also establish the strength of Frisk and Chara's characters in how they interact, begin worldbuilding via references to Chara's past, and integrate the mystery elements of the story. How did Chara come back to life? What happened between them and Frisk previously? Why does Frisk resurrect Chara with an expectation that they would be "better"? Was ghost Chara a good person? Did the ghost know they would be resurrected? Have the ghost's memories been reset, and how many times? So many questions, but they feel genuinely intriguing. Lastly the concluding scene with Toriel ends the chapter strongly, with a good cliffhanger and a promise of great things to come. I was impressed by the start of the story, and I'm moreso in retrospect because it's very reflective of what's to come.

So, in no particular order, onto the things I liked! As I just mentioned, the tone of the story is great from the very beginning and continues to be throughout the entire story.

Another thing I enjoyed a lot about this story is that the plot doesn't feel contrived (although there are a few issues with characters which I'll get into later). I don't feel like I'm jumping between scenes with weak strands of connecting logic that need a lot of rationalization to make sense of. When strange elements like the dream world are introduced, an explanation is usually forthcoming, and if it isn't, it seems like a mystery that integrates well into the story. Characters don't ignore obvious solutions, they use logical reasoning and make attempts to solve their problems that feel honest. Above all, they don't make choices that are blatantly out of character for the sake of advancing the plot. All of these are common problems with Undertale fics which you've successfully averted.

Exposition is handled naturally without breaking the flow of the story or boring the reader (Chara's explanation of their copycat ability was a good example of this, as the explanation is interesting, taunting Flowey is in character, and it's not a stupid thing to do because it accomplishes intimidation without giving away vulnerabilities).

In the same vein, you do a great job of worldbuilding, and one of the best examples of this are the additions to each area. Undertale implies through its room backgrounds that there are vast areas of the Underground beyond the path Frisk explores, but you bring this element to life by introducing entirely new rooms to the Ruins and Snowdin which feel honestly immersive and entice my curiosity. (I'm not sure if the rooms in the Ruins are new, actually, but it felt like they were.) Elements like Alphys experiencing trouble with the database, discussion of monster magic, the Royal Guard and laws, all of this serves to paint a vivid and unique take on the world of Undertale. Even the dream world feels interesting, and builds the world by introducing the Cook and Whimsun servant characters. I think you do a great job as a writer when it comes to communicating information to the reader in a way that feels natural. I never felt like the exposition or worldbuilding was out of place or inconsistent with the story. You also almost always follow the "show, don't tell" rule, which is commendable (heh, thanks for that one, Chara) and makes the story a joy to read.

My absolute favorite element of your storytelling is your plot construction. It's in my opinion the best part of this story. While still using all the elements of Undertale, you take the plot into completely new and unexpected directions that I haven't seen in any fic before. That alone is extremely captivating.

You build up suspense and tension EXTREMELY well, and in spite of Frisk's reset power the characters always feel seriously challenged, having to work hard to accomplish their goals. An easy trap with Undertale is to have the characters be/feel too invincible (time travel is pretty OP after all), but that isn't a problem with your writing. At all.

(Side note: I actually really liked the little snippets of computer error messages with Alphys's database and Frisk's SAVE/RESET functions. It's a small touch that helps the story feel more authentic. Although I'd argue that "please reinstall REALITY and try again" for the corrupted RESET detracts a bit from the seriousness of the moment, as it sounds funny and that's out of place with Frisk's complete despair.)

I really want to emphasize how great this story is at developing suspense and intrigue, because you are talented at this. Your plot isn't predictable to me at all beyond the most obvious elements, and I had little idea of what would happen next but I was glued to the screen with excitement because I wanted to see what'll happen next and how the characters will overcome their hardships. Kind of like Alphys in a neutral/pacifist route! You present a narrative that I can't help but get strongly invested in.

Regarding intrigue, one of the most impactful lines of the entire story for me was "What if there were no other options left?" in Chapter 7. I could FEEL Sans's horror at that possibility, and it really got me wondering about what could have possibly happened to transport the disembodied hand through time.

And your cliffhangers! They're very well executed, they build suspense, and each one feels like a satisfying conclusion to some elements of the story (or maybe it's more accurate to say that it feels like enough of the story has been told to make the chapter worthwhile) while opening up new ones and making the reader THINK.

As other reviewers have pointed out, the story is also interesting because of the harsh realities it deals with. It doesn't pull any punches, but it isn't dark just for the sake of darkness either. It also treats its darker elements appropriately; Chara's background and violent nature, the kids' conflict against Toriel, and Sans's choices pitting him against those he cares about, to name a few things, feel real and mature. The conflicts are dramatic, but it's good, meaningful drama where you can understand the motivations of the characters and appreciate the realism.

All of this is what ensnared me for those 21 hours and beyond. Your plot construction is brilliant and deserves high praise.

And now, on to the characters. Oh boy, the characters. :)

The characters are where I have the most mixed feelings. Although I don't think any of them are badly written by any means, the criticisms I do have are mostly relating to characterization. That said, there's still a lot to like about your versions of these characters! I was considering dividing this part of the review into subjective and objective analysis of each character, but in the end it's all my opinion anyway, so I'll just mix them together. (Side note: I'm going to omit writing "in my opinion" 50 times in my analyses below, but this is just how the characters made me feel, not necessarily objective fact.)

Frisk is an adorable cinnamon roll, and definitely the most likeable character of the cast so far. They brighten up the story like a little ray of sunshine and they're the most fun to read about. I could see them being criticized as being unrealistically perfect or something, but honestly I don't share that opinion. They grow and experience challenges and hardship, they get frustrated and fed up, and their good qualities make them admirable, not hateable. Not to mention that Sans's interactions in the later chapters hint that they've got a darker past than they're letting on, which I look forward to learning more about. Subjecting yourself to repeated, terrible deaths like in Chapter 3 may arguably be insanity, but it's in character for Frisk to be that kind, it makes logical sense given their experiences plus the fact that they're projecting another person onto Chara, and they do have their limits and put their foot down eventually. Honestly it feels weird to say but the scenes with them in it make me feel better - almost like I was the target of their mercy and compassion. They're heartwarming, and they're also interesting, having explored so many different timelines and met so many characters. There's also an element of mystery hanging over all that, since it's (naturally) not usually the focus when we see things from their point of view.

There are a couple things that do bug me about Frisk's character, however. The first one is that the story seems slightly unclear and inconsistent with their maturity level at some moments, a contradiction expressed both in storytelling and dialogue. I can't think of a better way to word it, but while I can accept that Frisk is both smart and playful, it feels weird to have the same character say "Yes. I will protect them. I will protect them with my life. You will never be childless again." and call Chara, Snowdrake and Sans a "poopie head", "BIG poopie head" and "big meanie" respectively. Story wise, it kind of feels like the story is trying to have it both ways, because it sort of highlights all of these moments as being significant. I can rationalize it, since Frisk has obviously matured from an untold amount of time travel and is kind to a fault - and Chapter 17 mentions they don't like swearing - but it still felt off to me, and the inconsistent maturity poses a somewhat larger problem in the relationship dynamic with Chara, which I'll get into later. Overall however, Frisk is consistently mature for the most part - but I do find a few scenes out of place.

The other problem I have with Frisk's character is not so much Frisk themselves but how they contrast with the rest of the cast. Frisk is a very cheerful and sunny character for the majority of the story so far. Because this is a darker take on Undertale, this by extension has a subtle or significant effect on many of the characters. The issue is that to me, it felt like there was a disconnect between Frisk and the other characters in the Underground because of this darker edge. It felt odd that they were from the same story and shared experiences together, with Frisk having previously and repeatedly ended up so happy and such good friends with them anyway. This is kind of justified from a logical perspective (they're a time traveller and can try infinite times), and it's completely justified in Sans's case because we're shown why he's distrustful and being extraordinarily perceptive is one of his main abilities. But emotionally, the problem is that the reader is aware that the story is like Undertale unless noted, but rarely sees kind behavior from monsters and we don't get to see much of Frisk's past experiences, so there isn't really a baseline to compare to when seeing how different things are. In regards to comparisons: Frisk calls the previous Sans their best friend, but we only ever see the current Sans, who is a very cold, judgemental, and manipulative character. Sans isn't the best example as he's attuned to the timeline, but I think you see where I'm coming from.

Snowdrake and company as well as the Snowdin Canine Unit have their comedic elements largely toned down and are aggressive on sight, and while this is logical it is a contributor to this effect. Lesser Dog in particular actually highlights the problem, as Frisk explicitly states that the solution is to pet him (and this is backed up by canon), but Chara has way more trouble doing this despite making a good effort (he responds by biting), without a stated justification as to why, although maybe I missed something saying Sans was responsible. Toriel and moreso Papyrus are a counterweight to it, but both of them are an edge darker than usual as well, mostly seen in their delayed nonintervention when they see Frisk/Chara being hurt. In Papyrus's case, while the internal conflict is shown and makes sense, and the treason law does provide him with a reason for hesitation, this law doesn't exist in Undertale canon and is another contrasting element of darkness with Frisk's character, because of its implications about monster society and Asgore, who is said to enforce it severely (he has not appeared in this fic yet, but in canon very clearly does NOT want to fight anyone). And speaking of monster society in general, a related moment that stuck out to me for this reason was the scene where Toriel overhears the explanation from the Royal Guards about how to deal with humans. There just seems to be a lot of darkness and Frisk feels like a fish out of water by comparison, which is not helped by how easygoing they are about the whole thing.

All of this is not a problem when contrasting Frisk with Chara because she's a new variable in the story, and I argue the enhanced realism actually benefits the story in some ways, but it tugged at my suspension of disbelief a bit for the other characters. You do a good job explaining the points of divergence (at least from the point of view of a self-proclaimed expert on Undertale lore), and I can clearly see the effort to make a faithful adaptation of Undertale's plot and characters, but I think you could make the story more effective by doing more to show and justify the contrast. I don't consider it a major problem and it didn't destroy my enjoyment of the story by any means, but it's something I wanted to explain.

Enough about Frisk; onto the other half of our power couple!

Chara is the most interesting character in the story, and watching her thought process and reactions (especially having been dead for 60 years, which is well-integrated in her characterization) was a treat. Watching her violent nature clash with the other characters was equally interesting, both in her battles against adaptive opponents like Flowey, Sans...actually pretty much every combatant is adaptive, and it's both realistic and fun to read; and in her interactions with Frisk and Papyrus. Her background, which has been hinted at effectively (and seems both fascinating and horrible) is well-executed serious drama - and I like how it comes into play in terms of historical references that were unexpected but enjoyable, and serious flashbacks...but I especially li

Holy shit I just binged this in like 3 days. I actually really love this story so, so much. It's incredible how only Snowdin has brought us this far in the story, and I honestly fully expect that it will be a majority of the story's setting compared to other areas of Underground, but I cannot WAIT for what is next. It looks like about time for another chapter, and I pray that this story hasn't been left behind because it is so good.

Its been quite some time. I had thought you moved on to be honest. I thought of this story and how it was so thrilling to read, every word, every detail. I came back to reread this story, but to my shock there was another chapter. It's been a while again since this chapter released and now, but I hope you are doing well and can create more from this fantastic story. Stay safe. :)

I’ve been reading this sense 2016 you better not give out on me because this fic is so damn good that I will be so sad if it ends so you better keep it up

I feel ashamed for not finding this story during almost four years, because I love Charisk. I must say, I've been missing a lot. Read it all, and it was amazing, something I've never seen, a Chara that is so... distrustful of Frisk, to the point that she killed him over, and over, and over again, it was very... f up, but now they are almost like a couple, the travel through Snowdin managed to get them to that point, really... it's so good, and cool. Chara knows she isn't the one Frisky remembers, but she wishes to be better. The battle of Sans and Chara was epic as hell, I'm amazed that Frisk didn't hated Sans after he almost killed her.

It seems the things will go down from now on, even if it's been so long, this story is special. I know it will be updated one day, and I will be waiting. Thank you for making this masterpiece and I will see you another time. See you around.

That was cool man I liked it. I do hope you finish this story I still remember reading it a long time ago. Still a fan even now. Please dont forget you still have fans waiting on you.

Chara is too violent to be likable or relatable and Frisk's persistence, even when lampshaded as being asinine, is simply too bogus to justify their relationship considering all that Chara has done to them. I agree that Chara should be slowly developed and this process cannot be rushed. However, while the sheer level of gore is no issue here, the blatant romanticization of physical and emotional abuse is disgusting and ignorant. I will not be reading this any further.

ah yes finally some fucking happiness

YOOOOO (I haven’t even read this chapter yet) I was randomly thinking of undertale and thought back to this story, and i was just coming back to re-read it, and when i saw the update, my jaw dropped haha. I stopped checking for updates for a while now, and I accepted the fact that you could have had some other things going on in life, and trust me when i say that I can relate. but man, you’re still kicking! thanks for writing!

Aaaaah, Chara is so cute in this! I just wanna pinch her cheeks and pat her head! You did a great job showing her feelings and relationship with Frisk.

Your fight scenes are also sick, though, so I don't feel all that bothered that peace is about to end. Let's gooooooooo!

Haven't read the chapter but please reupdate my fren