Poor Amelia!

*Growl*..'Why doesn't it suprise me?!, once an bloodtraitor, always an bloodtraitor'...

(Sorry, meant Antonin in that last review)

I thought this was an interesting idea, with Ron ensuring that his entire family was safe before switching sides (that’s not something that I see a lot, when people write Ron joining the Death Eaters — normally, getting away from his family is part of the reason).

I thought this was really well written — I saw no spelling or grammar mistakes — and I loved how quick Antonin was to latch on to Ron’s biggest weakness, and exploit that.

I’ve not seen this pairing often, but it’s certainly interesting. I think they would definitely work well together, both having such similar ideals, but I love how you’ve highlighted their differences, with Lucius so easily going along with this parents’ wishes and Barty telling him he should challenge that.

I did notice a few mistakes with punctuation, and this is a minor thing, but the expression is usually [few and far between], not [inbetween]. Also, [/should/] would read better italicised. Overall, though, I thought this was an enjoyable read, and I loved your characterisations.

18/20 - EE (Exceeds Expectations)
Notes from Wolf:

Hermione was written really well. I felt like she was in character, especially about still trying to escape despite her feelings. I don't know much about Dolohov, but he was well rounded so full points for characterisation. I have never read a story like this so I gave full points for were a couple of sentences I needed to read twice to understand them. I was also a little confused by the flashback until I read further. I felt it needed a bit of context before the first line to explain that was the moment she was captured. Your SPaG was great, and I didn't notice a single mistake. The base prompt was used really well. I loved how the rule was the only rule, and I really liked how you made sure to show that Hermione was going to break that one rule no matter what. The bonus prompt was also used well. Full marks here. The creativity of this story was the strongest point. I really enjoyed reading it, and if you have any questions then you are welcome to PM me.

18/20 - EE (Exceeds Expectations)
Notes from Fire:

I think you characterized Dolohov nicely. However, I don't think I can say the same for Ron. He seems to have given in too quickly. I understand that this was supposed to be short, but I feel like there could have been more, you know?

Ron seems to be a very stubborn and thick individual. Yes, he would be jealous of the others, but I feel like he wouldn't give in to such tactics until after he's put up a fight. He'd need to have the cold hard "facts" displayed to him. A little more sneering and condemnation on Dolohov's part might have even helped the process.

Now, when it comes to Dolohov, I like how you retained his cockiness and confidence. Although, I feel like he was lacking something. In here, we saw only one side of him. All he wanted for the majority of the story was to get Ron on their side, and the way he went about it made him appear a little flat to me. Perhaps, if this story had more scenes, I would have felt differently?

As it stands, it appears to be more of a very specific slice of life fic. I'm sure we're both aware that manipulation by the hands of Death Eaters is nothing to call highly original. That doesn't mean; however, that it wasn't.

I like how you emphasized Hermione's place in Ron's heart. You didn't simply stick to the 'Chosen One' side of things. Instead, you took someone that Ron loved and showed how insecure he was about losing her. To me, that was an excellent choice. It is for that reason and that reason only that I give you full marks for this section.

The way you brought Hermione into the equation managed to make this plot more original than it would have been without it. Your story flowed nicely. From Dolohov's thought process about his preferred kill to the actual manipulation itself, you subtly managed to weave the two events together.

Congratulations, Liza! I couldn't see one spelling or grammar error in sight! This story is error free.

Your prompt use was excellent.

You showed Ron's insecurities nicely and built upon them nicely. Also, combining this with the 2 week drabble competition was a very nice touch.

All in all, I think you did a great job. The only things that truly needed work was characterization. Other than that, this story was flawless. Truly good work, Liza!

19/20 - O (Outstanding)
Notes from Sophie (H):

*sigh* It's really hard to judge characters in a work of parody because often, they have unreal characteristics, which adds to the humour of the story.

Why I didn't give you full points in this department was because I felt that there was a certain seriousness to Dolohov's, and indirectly, Voldemort's character which subtracted from the humour of the story. Not that your characters weren't good—I'd say they were too good for a parody, their characteristics weren't exaggerated or ridiculous, really. Which is not a problem usually, not even with parody; the problem was that it took away some of the humour.

Personal opinion, here (and don't take me wrong, this was an amazing drabble otherwise from every aspect—I just… I don't know. I felt as if there was something with this).

This was amazing in this department. The idea of the Secret Santa and Dolohov always being the unlucky one was hilarious, as well as the Muggle technological advancement that the Death Eaters used. The random bits about the other Death Eaters added to the creativity of the story as well. Although I think that you could have done without the 'First Wizarding War' part by, say, working it into the 'Second Wizarding War' part, I can't fault you on anything else.

This story was well-written and the final gag was placed well too; there weren't any unnecessary parts and everything that was in there was at its rightful place. Nicely done.

[Dark-Mark] - [Dark Mark]
[not even Voldemort could argue against)..] - unnecessary full stop (aaaaaa)
[who is unlucky] - [who was unlucky]

As you had less than 10 SPag mistakes, I didn't take a point for this (and it was actually very well-written, nice job). I loved how you used this prompt. I guess you could say it was a breath of fresh air after all those serious stories, and the I liked that you used the idea of modernisation with actual Muggle technology.

It does sound very convenient, but it was meshed well within the story itself. I laughed very hard at the gag at the very end. Possibly the best way to use a dialogue prompt like this, that's for sure :D"

Notes from Sophie (H):

The added bits and pieces about the characters in the first half of the story made the characters and their story more real, and it added depth to their character as well, so in terms of building the characters, you did very well. Well, I cannot complain.

This was a rare pairing, that's for sure, which alone is awarded by a lot of originality points. I also liked the backstory and context you added here, which somehow made this fit canon perfectly. This latter—making something borderline ridiculous fit into canon—is hard to do, and you did a good job with it. There wasn't much I could find a problem with in this section.

The story was well-written, and it didn't feel flat because the descriptions you added were helping to create a certain atmosphere around the story. Although, I did feel a certain amount of 'telling not showing' in your story; I'm sure you've heard of the concept. Basically, it's using a lot of adverbs and such to describe how somebody was speaking or looking, but not in a 'pretty' way. It makes the stories somewhat plain at places; I hope you know what I'm talking about.

I didn't take off points because it didn't affect the general flow that much, just an advice for later ;)

[no responsibilities to tend to and they could] - [no responsibilities to tend to, and they could]
[inbetween] - [in between]
[when they /should/ be listening] - [when they should have been listening]

As the number of mistakes didn't reach 10, I'm not taking any points off. The reason why I took off a point was that while the secret itself was there, the revelation of the secret was only hinted at. It's not a bad idea, say, but I felt that the main conflict wasn't over the secret itself, more like, over the fact that their relationship had ended. That last line (and the one before it) was very strong.

I thought this was a really interesting story. I liked how Dolohov was willing to ignore his friends’ opinions (and to help Remus’ mother) just to be with Remus, and I did feel a little bad for him when he got rejected. The only suggestion I have is that maybe Remus wouldn’t be completely defenceless? I get that he was tired after the full moon, but the other times I don’t really see him just stepping back and letting Sirius defend him. Regardless, I thought this was a nice drabble and I enjoyed reading it.

LOL, this was hilarious :D

Characterization: Since this is a crack fic, Dolohov's character is fitting :D. Voldemort was also done well, and his reaction was perfect.

So, for characterization, I give you a... 10!

Prompt Use: This was a really interesting and hilarious take on this prompt. But, the reader can't really tell if he is losing his "beauty", so, in that, it sorta detracts from the prompt use.

So, for prompt use, I give you a... 7!

Plot/Flow: The plot was unique, and nothing broke it. I didn't see anything that didn't fit. The flow was perfect.

So, for plot/flow, I give you a... 10!

Originality: Honestly, this is one of the most original pieces I've ever read. This is so unique!

So, for originality, I give you a... 10!

SPaG: You have no errors! Yay!

So, for SPaG, I give you a... 10!

So, your overall score would be 47! Great job! I really enjoyed reading and judging this.

OMG. OMG. Lolol what even was that? I am not even sure I feel bad for Antonin since he kind of brought that on himself lol. :)

Ewww Ron. You know, I could totally see this being canon. Ron always was a bit weak. Nice job. :)

I kind of wanted to smack Barty here. He was a bit obnoxious. Loved your Antonin though. :)

Oh Lucius. *shakes head*

Poor Antonin! I feel so bad for him. :(

This was perfect! I like that Antonin seems to be treating her well. Only wish it was longer! :)