I'M BACK!

Hello! Here I am, ready to review! Let's address your AN first, shall we?

This is a really great story, so you're totally welcome, man. I really like it, personally, so I'm doing this because I want to see it succeed :D

Woo! Go Vanessa, lol. Yes, let's get on with this, shall we?

~~~

Interesting. The first paragraph casts doubt on Colby's word - whether what he remembers is true or not. Of course, as a reader, I'm pretty certain it's true, but the Demigod's criticisms have merit; perhaps what he remembers isn't accurate. Perhaps there's some unreliable narrator going on here. Hmm. Interesting!

Side note - Percy in HOH, with Nyx? Terrifying. Badass, but terrifying. Anyway, second paragraph; yes, of course, Percy, I completely agree. A. Also, the characterisation here fits quite well with angry-at-luke Percy from the PJO books; Percy did get really, really angry there, at times, so it works quite well, knowing that :D

... Bill. Why. No.

Basically; shadow man creeps me the hell out. Yikes. Anyway; it's nice to know more about him and Colby! Also wouldn't have pegged his name for Bill but that's because I haven't read those books, lol. Anyway, you've actually set up his character pretty well, here. He's not as scary as I thought he'd be, haha. :D Anyway, knowing more about Colby is a good thing, as I'm pretty sure he's a main for this crossover since he's the main of the other book series. So, nice one!

Thalia - I agree wholeheartedly. Bill. Honestly.

Tbh, on Thalia's side there, lol. Bill. *shakes head.* Nevermind, moving on!

Oh, Colby. *Shakes head again*. Okay - so! Percy's question was a question I had, so that's nice, getting that answered. I like that you're setting all this up, though I'm pretty sure you've said something about doing all this since it's more likely the reader's read PJO than Colby's world, but I could be spouting nonsense there. Regardless, you're doing a really good job of getting everything across quickly and easily in a way that's understandable without a requirement for reading, imo, either series, which is a hard balance to strike, but I think you've got it! Since of course there's always the chance that someone hasn't read PJ but has read the other one and knows it really well but hasn't even heard much of anything about Greek mythology. Anyway, that part's great! A lot of exposition so far, but it's done in an interesting way. Nobody's monologuing, and there was enough action in the previous chapters to keep a reader entertained and satisfied for a little while longer :D

Yay! Djinn! Drunk biker dude is like, ten times cooler now. Anyway -

Oh Percy. Though that was a little funny, dude :D Seriously though, Perce, popularity / a djinn's life. Genies are cool, and all, but the version in this mythology seems pretty sad, imo.

ANyway -

Zoe! Oh, she's not dead yet. I almost forgot, whoops. Now I'm sad. Anyway, Zoe! Dear, you are old. Wow. But Yashar's right, lady. Learn your modernisms. Also - Well done with Zoe's speech! She talks in a really awkward way to write if you don't know what you're doing, and you really seem like you do! So, nice one!

So, Yashar's getting cooler by the second. Nice. I like the dynamics everyone at the bar has - like, you portray them really well. The reader gets the idea that they've known each other for a long time. Though I haven't read the books, I'm betting your version is super, super close :D

Where I'm a mythology nerd comes in handy! Wild hunt! Yessss!

Haha, anyway - it'll be interesting to see if they come up anytime soon, though I doubt it. Easier villains first, so the kiddos don't die from arrogance and learn the shite they need to.

Okay, so the Wild Hunt are incredibly corporeal beings here, intruiging. Anyway, Bill's story is interesting. Nice! Exposition dump; the chapter, but not in a bad way. This is all told in a really interesting way - conversation. It's much better than monologue.

"Ancient, feral hippie" Is a great and very riordan-like prhase and I love it, sign it, get it put on a poster, haha. It was funny, basically, lol.

Ooh! Trickster stories; Fox, Raven, Coyote. I hope what I've read is going to help me understand some of this more than hinder :D sometimes that happens, you know.

'Sometimes that happens, you know' that happens, it's happening now, I only know vagueries about the Native American versions, I feel bad, thank you for explaining it! Anway - your an, then my overall thoughts!

So, as for Colby, sounds good! I don't think you said anything about your plans for Percy? Hmm. Anway, yeah :D. And I'm glad to know Bertrand isn't that awful in the books, lol. I just - have a personal problem with people /that/ intense about 'sin' and stuff... ex-catholic, lol, sorry. Anway, yeah, so he's like that, okay, I get you :D

Coyote does seem interesting! Thanks again for explaining him a little - Native American lore is something I've seriously under-read - and what you're saying there, that's cool! I'm really looking forward to reading the rest, but it's late here so I'll have to do that later :D

Sorry this took so long! This chapter was great, as always. Wonderfully written with some great exposition and foreshadowing (Wild hunt, Wild hunt...) and all that nice, smooth jazz, lmao. Nice work, man!

I'm back! Here to review, now onto part two...

One thing first - thanks for splitting this into two, lol. Reviewing this paragraph by paragraph might've gotten a little exhausting to do all of that in one go, lol. Now I'll do it in two! haha :D

First paragraph, let's read!

I feel like magically enhanced might work better than magically enchanted, since it's not magic cast on them that makes them demigods, but magic they're born with, but that's just my opinion. Food for thought, still. Nice, descriptive opening. Less purple prose than the first chapter's, which is good, but not cut down so much that it feels stilted. Nice work, good first paragraph!

Second one, on we go...

nice simile :D good paragraph, no mistakes, nicely descriptive without dragging on, again - good work!

Third one, let's get on with it;

Ah, nice establishment of some form of magic there :). Good reference to their dyslexia.

Couple isolated pargaraphs/sentences. Nice :) Structure is something some people tend to forget about; that it matters just as much as the content. Good that you don't - as an overall thing, your story structure works well, flows well; the paragraphs don't end up too long or too short, and the isolated ones are used sporadically but often enough so as to break up monotony and draw attention to the content within. Nice work!

Skipping the isolated and now onto four...

Funny. Next!

Paragraph five is good. 'like hanged men' is a simile and a half, but one that helps set the tone. The idea that Percy is the one thinking that is kind of funny, because maybe he would or wouldn't, who knows, but damn that's dark dude :D. Characterisation of Percy is pretty spot on, the casual reference to his mother nice and reminiscent. Lovely!

Well. In a doom-and-gloom kind of way, given how that bar is described - just the right amount of descriptors to set the scene but not so much that one might get bored reading it - is how it is. But you know what I mean. Next!

Onto six, let's make this quick. I'm gonna fail at rhyming-ish soon, we'll see that happen. I mean, it's already happened, but semantics. Let's get on with this!

Six is good :) I say that a lot, lol but I can see nothing wrong with it and everything right with it, so that's all I'll say about that.

Seven, eight, nine: (I've run out of rhyme[s]) So, the description of a few of the patrons is nice and relevant; seeing what the general person at this place looks like gives us an idea of their usual patronage, gives us an idea of the type of people who hang out there. The people themselves are striking in an interesting way; they're different from what you might expect (for obvious reasons) but exactly what you might think of when wondering about the patrons at a supernaturally inclined bar, with the mythology this appears to have.

It's great, is all I'm saying, in short. Now onto Ten!

Nice use of a short sentence and bold text. Their astonishment makes complete and utter sense and it works - i'm pretty sure anyone would be stunned if they saw a legit, real-life angel, tho, lol, so yeah. It works for them, characterisation is sound, yada yada. Next!

Eleven, uhm, nope, can't think of a rhyme. I didn't even last that long, sigh.

This and the following isolated sentence quote thing are nice references to the canonical text & prior events. It also shows Chiron's words to me more averting the question asked than actually giving an answer; he says they shan't deal with such matters but doesn't actually deny or say anything, really. It puts another perspective on something that may have been dismissed by the casual reader, and that's always a nice thing; food for thought.

12 is funny, 13 leaves you wondering, all in all, nicely done.

well that's gross. Visual imagery in fourteen makes me agree whole-heartedly with Percy; look away man, before he catches you staring...

In sixteen, your first typo/mistake! 'craved from concrete' instead of 'carved from concrete'. It's the return of the nitpicking cesca, beware. Sorry, heh, just had to point this out. Likely just missed this if you did an overview before posting, missed it if you didn't. Either way, thought you should know.

Continuing with sixteen, Mr. D would be content if he was drunk, lol :D. Nice comparison though, and the description of this guy paints a suitably imposing image. Nice one!

Onto seventeen, I dream of making good rhymes. Alas, onto the nitpicking.

erm... so... I... kind...of...might...'ve...gotten...sidetracked...and...just...readthewholethinginonego?

Which makes it pretty hard to, uh, nitpick. So. Uh. Yeah.

All in all, I found no more mistakes, which is always good :) The characters were great, as was the characterisation, and you introduced Colby's world splendidly. I feel like I understood more than I thought I would, considering I've never read that series.

I like the bartender the best so far, probably because he's the first one of the described to talk, lol. I really don't want to meet the living shadow, he kind of creeps me out like a lot, but I look forwards to meeting the rest! I do like the drunk patron, though, lol.

Ah! Nice to know. Mythology is always fascinating.

The house of life are shit and Poseidon so definitely has a game room, i swear to god, lmao. Percy's indignation was funny too :D.

Oh wow. Of course. Who wouldn't?

Well, I'm wholly oblivious to the similarities, lol. It's a good scene, nonetheless, and as always seeing luke taken down a pet is glorious.

As always, a good chapter! I do these one at a time with breaks so as to pace myself, so it may be a day or so before I review the next one... it's so I don't end up ruining my sleep schedule to read the whole thing in one go, which i am wont to do and it never ends well.

Se you next time, buh-bye!

Hello there! I was recommended this story by your friend CMR Rosa, so I figured why not? And am going to read this. Since reviews were requested, I'll try my very best to oblige and give my thoughts in a way that makes any kind of sense, lol :/.

First off, the A/N at the beginning was rather helpful, so thanks for that! People sometimes forget to establish timelines, so it can get rather confusing for no good reason. Glad you didn't fall into that trap, since this story seems right up my alley :D Now, let's chat about the actual story shall we?

Okay, first thing - first line of first paragraph, you have 'great expense' rather than 'great expanse'. Easy mistake - likely a typo. Just thought you should know, since it's easy to miss those when proofreading.

So, first paragraph. Yes, this is going to be a long review, I'm so very sorry whoops -
So, first paragraph; pretty good! I like it, though I must say your prose is leaning towards purple prose there a bit - perhaps read over and eliminate unnecessary words to make the story flow better - over-description is as much an issue as a lack of description, or so I've been told. Another point for improvement of flow is your use of commas; you have at least two extra, unnecessary ones in the first paragraph - 'a lone object' doesn't need to be surrounded by them (my advice is to read the story aloud. If it isn't natural to pause when reading it, then the commas aren't required. That makes me remove a few unnecessary bits, and I hope this advice helps? I mean, not that I know any better so whatever but-)

The isolated sentence of paragraph two is nice, I like the use of descriptive language here, and the use of it to convey the setting is good exposition. God, why do I feel like I'm reviewing this so badly? lmao sorry dude.

Third paragraph is again lovely. And again, it's beautifully descriptive. Nothing more to see here, moving along.

fourth paragraph; nice establishment of characters there - liked the aside about what the hunters were probably dreaming of and how you described Artemis in relation to them. Is 'effort's' supposed to be in the belonging-to sense, or was it 'efforts' you meant? Lmao this is why I never review things I'm not actually that good at this I'm super sorry you have to suffer through my rambling -

paragraph five - good introduction to Percy, personally I like it :). As a tiny (let's be real it's nitpicking ffs I'm /so/ sorry) thing, 'rough nights' sleeps' would probably sound better as 'a rough night's sleep' in this context? I dunno sound it over aloud/in your head, see what you think. Personally I think 'factors' should be followed by a semi-colon but semi-colons are the devil's work so who the hell knows, and I like the nightclub metaphor; it fits, imo. Onto the next paragraph!

(lmao I'm not gonna be able to do each paragraph individually who am I kidding?)

Oooh, cliff-hanger-y sixth paragraph, nice one :) no buuuttt - seriously, I'm not gonna be able to do each individual paragraph for the dream so I'll go read that and then review it as a whole.

(some amount of time later...)

Okay okay not really I'm sorry I just noticed 'their' not 'there' in the first paragraph of the dream sequence and that's a pet peeve of mine /so/ sorry now let's go back to regularly scheduled programming (also I like the description of the environment it's very nice and conveys enough without falling into the purple prose trap of evil)-

(actually some time later...)

(again I'm so sorry it's not actually some time later I just saw you used 'their' again instead of 'there' - ... you might want to check over for that? It seems like a problem you might have with this whole thing (still so sorry you didn't ask for the nitpicking))

(you had 'disgusted' instead of 'disguised' again I'm so /so/ sorry)

*reads a bit longer than the dream* oh, right, shit the dream's over, back to reviewing!

(as you can tell I've lost all sense of planning my actions out as i goooo-)

So. Right. Review.
... Shit. Okay.

The dream was actually really interesting? I hazard an obvious guess that this is the crossover coming into play and it kinda makes me want to read those books but also not because spoilers (for this) and I want to read this first. Regardless, the dream was actually awesome, literally, and it established this Asmodeus pretty darn well (even if that's just my silly opinion). Thumbs up from me!

d'aww. Thalia :D I'm both gushing and horribly sad. Moving on.

Okay I have to say that I love Apollo in this and that mangy dog-like thing is Obviously Foreshadowing(TM) so you know, good use of that?

Redcaps! Nasty little buggers. Nice description of them and the horror Percy feels at seeing something so gruesome (and gruesomely strange in a non-Greek way). Redcaps truly are disgusting, vile creatures.

Okay so Colby is interesting, but I'm not gonna comment on him yet, since I don't know much about his canon character since I've never read the books, lol. I'm here to review the Percy Jackson and general quality, goddamnit, and I'm gonna stick to that plan.

... Probably.

Heh. ANyway, the fight then flight with the redcaps was really well done - it was intense and showed how truly out of their depth the demigods are in this new world of demons and other such shite. Redcaps are an unfortunately tame introduction - tame because they're easily dealt with and also because, terrifyingly, other demon's practices are way worse. Gah, demons, am I right?

Moving swiftly onwards...

This first chapter was great! I really enjoyed it and you totally got me interested in the premise, I'm sure as hell gonna stick with this 'til the end, man. It's actually really good, I'm so sorry I've been pretty negative.

Apollo is absolutely wonderful and I love this version, he's perfect. Percy's also pretty great too, and you'll only get better the more you write for them, so you're off to a wonderful start on that!

As I said before, the flashback-dream was awesome and the old guy was fucking badass, yes, and I'm not very good at guessing so I'm not gonna bother but I do have the instinctive feeling that Asmodeus (deus means god in latin, I know that much... highly likely nothing to do with that just thought I'd point it out because I'm a giant nerd, lol.) is Very Important (TM) and will probably play a vital antagonistic role in the overall plot of this crossover, but that's all I'm getting. The king was cool too. But I've said that, so moving on...

And that's it. Nothing to move on to, I don't know why I said that. I hope you find this helpful in some way? Tbh, prol'ly just gonna get annoyed w/ me, but never mind. Hope I helped?!

:D. (... : )

Cool

Came here thanks to a PM from CMR Rosa, found this story to be an exemplary crossover and yet manages to sneak in a very familiar setting. I thought the story to fantastically fear-inspiring and I wanted to ask if there is going to be any nihilistic optimism or a you planning to milk the terror and somewhat constant existential nihilism shown by the fellow characters? Thank you for reading and best of luck with future endeavors!

Wow that was intense, I like it, I can,t wait for the next chapter.

Oh the Hunt Master, mother of Colby's old friend.

And they were spared!? That's not natural, the wild hunt never spares. This is big, bigger then big!

Wow this chapter was dark and action pack, I love it, I can,t wait for the next one.

Oh wow, that wild hunt bit. So amazing! And Percy, frozen, and petrified by the rider's gaze. And the poor couple, unable to sense the Wild Hunt, and getting their souls taken.

It's like, the wild hunt is one of those unstoppable monsters in video games, who you have to hide or run from cause you can't harm or stop them!

~Blows kisss~ Happy to help :D

Boy, betrand REALLY tears into them, but in hos own words. God is everywhere, and nowhere. It doesn't matter if people don't worship him, he'll still love them. And he will exist.

And Coyote. you got him spot on, and with thta five ages stuff._!

YAY!

I LOVE Colby's description of Luke.

HOLY SWEET ERZULIE OF THE WRONGS! HE TOOK LUKE'S ARM, SO OUTRAGEOUS! And exploding the flesh eating giants, and not even explosion, just...pooof. Like, dumping dust out of dustpin.

WILD!

And love the reference to the Australian dream time :D

And Colby, descriding New York as fairy dead zone. Makes sense, like a tapir walking into a lions den. And maybe the fey would fear the gods, and maybe consider them lesser...Oberon wouldn't like that. Unless he's no longer in power.

XD Zoe just downed that drink in one bit.

And thanks for revealing what old scraps was I had trouble figuring it out.

The angel and the trench coat. i found the book, well the one with the incident with the mad caps, and the nixies...and Changling.

So, I recognize a lot.

FANTSTIC! So want more, write more!

Please, I'll wait :)

This is unexpected but great, Im a big fan of the Percy Jackson series and read all the books and let me tell you that you done this chapter right, I read the books and you were stop on in the portray of the Percy Jackson characters, I never read or heard of the other series but Im interested to see how this crossover will go.