Thank you for putting me on your list of favorite fanfic authors! Good to see you like some of my works!

interesting so far c:

and this is a crazy coincidence, my cousin is a Cunningham, and she's expecting and if her baby is born female, she's gonna name her Vanessa, what are the odds, eh?

Do you like Hannah Montana and Caillou? If so, read this story:

s/12704002/1/Miley-Meets-Caillou

...HOLY HELL! SORRY MEN I totally forgot about you can you forgive me?...
Anyway good to have you back !

So this is the stuff I noticed while I was reading, I had notepad open and typed as I read. There may be more since a lot of the time I did skim, but I think I caught more of the errors lol.

"...things that *your* dad taught me."

And later on, you used the wrong word, "You *wouldn't* stop talking about it..."

"How she *wished* she could go on another one." In that sentence you were in the past, so instead of 'wish', it would be 'wished'

"As she *bent* down," same reason, you were righting in the past, so stick with the past form of the verbs.

"About your *guys'* new relationship" guys is plural since you're talking about Vanessa and Ben.

"...No need for you to be concerned." (It's weird when you say concern instead of concerned.)

"*Your* repertoire?" (Wrong 'your')

"... I taught it to you." (wrong word.)

"Terrible luck in dating *boys*... *dates*" it's not possessive.

"*We've* been monitoring..."

Okay, now to the actual review. I loved Vanessa and Mikey sparring. It was funny seeing how overprotective he can be. I laughed at him scaring Ben. Good take on this episode so far.

My question is if there's 6 of them, not counting Ship, how did they all fit in Kevin's 5 person car? XD Literally as I was thinking of how to review that came up. Or did Mikey use his own vehicle?

Hello everyone! I'm smiler the kitty Kat 123, I love the emoji movie and yuri on ice, my Smash main is Bayonetta (When she first came out), and I play magic of the gathering! :3 however you can call my venessa, the popular girl in school town, I'm a fan of the Logan Paul fandom and the MLP fandom! :PPP my OC is flanderful foroxnexx, she can destroy any celestial god with one blow of her magic shield punch! Thank you so much for reading my bio! ALSO my man crush is Tobuscus and cashews :3, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! I love the pony tails -/-
Btw: This is shitter than the Steven Universe fandom

Okay so one thing I saw, "I told you I should've driven" (instead of drive)

Other than that the only errors I saw was not using the right 'your' and 'you're' but that's it.

Omg I love Paradox and Vanessa breaking the 4th wall at the same time. Like omg. Also them talking about Vanessa's driving experience and how she sucked. Omg. The PS at the end of Paradox's note lol.

Good chapter! I await the next episode.

Oooo good chapter. And nice little reference to what you were planning on doing with Vanessa. I loved that she spray painted on the brick wall. I laughed at that part.

A couple times you used the wrong word, but it was only twice. "then to does" it should be, "then to those" and "Anyway who did you know my middle name" it should be "how did you" (I mistype how and who sometimes lol.)

And one more thing I saw, "you can't handle my type of party's" it should be "parties"

Man I love this episode

Those 4th wall breaks omg.

Okay so something I noticed is that sometimes you forget to use apostrophes on words that should have them. Like "we're" and "you're". Just little things like that I noticed. Other than that I think the last two chapters were pretty good.

Sorry for not reviewing sooner, haven't been checking my fanfiction stories lol.

So like are you actually going to write canon divergence because so far it's been the same copy paste plot.
And why does Verdona find 'Venessa' (Random girl) more interesting then her own grandson (Cause shes a fucking bitch)?

Oooo I loved how you took the rest of this episode. Nice backstory on why Vanessa fights with swords. Omg those Vanessa x Ben moments.

The only thing I noticed is that at the end of some quotes you didn't put punctuation. When I do quotes with a tagline I always use a comma after the last word. But when you do quotes without tag lines, a period would suffice.

ex: "Come on, I know where this goes."

I mean it's a little issue, but it makes a difference when you're reading it. (At least for me lol.)

I bet Vanessa will have a fangasm when Punch Time Explosion comes.

Okay so I noticed you do [ ] when describing clothing. I kind of does work but you can always set it off with commas or put a new sentence entirely so it doesn't distract the reader. Or use ( ) because that's somewhat less distracting. (At least in my case. No I totally didn't do this on purpose lol)

Ex:

Vanessa, who was wearing a blue two piece with blue/white goggles and blue shorts, sighed contently as she rested her body on a large rock formation and happily let the sun rays wash over her body.

That's a suggestion when describing what someone was wearing. Or leave it at the end of the sentence and say, "She was wearing..." Personally I usually comma it. It all depends on the context.

Also I noticed you used past tense when you didn't need to. Like, "She didn't showed yesterday" it makes more sense to say, "She didn't show up yesterday." Also "Just happened" not "just happen".

I've also noticed that you do (laughs) like that. Maybe put it before the quotations. "Brainstorm laughed." And then the quote.

Okay now that some suggestions are out of the way. I enjoyed seeing Vanessa finally use her swords. SWORD POWER! I like how Sabrina keeps Ship as her pet and brings him everywhere. I like how you have Ship have an active role instead of being on the sidelines.

Can't wait for the next update, and hopefully this helps you out with future chapters. :)

Oh wow I missed this update, damn. XD I've been busy with end of the school year stuff since I graduate on Wednesday.

Anyway it was no problem, glad to have drew her. :D (I was so happy when I saw it be the cover photo lol.)

The kissing issue I was annoyed with as well lol. Like WHY DID THEY HAVE TO WAIT SO LONG FOR AN ACTUAL KISS LIKE MY GOD. Like not even a cheek kiss till Famed. (Also fun fact: Julie and Ben almost kissed in World of Wars, AF Season 2 finale, but since there were so many people they didn't.)

Anyway, nice conclusion to the episode. Nice to see how you changed it from canon and how it differs from how I changed it. (I like comparing lol.)

I love how you made them kiss, it was soooo sweet. (Much, much earlier than when Ben kissed Heaven lol.) Honestly I'm half expecting Kevin to have betted when they'd kiss XD

I don't think Sabrina is too much like Julie. She's just a kid, much younger then Julie. The only thing they have in common is they own Ship. That's all I see in comparing the two.

...Anywho I'm gonna go review the next chapter. XD