Every year I reread from my favourites list on FF. This is definitely one of my favourite KOTOR stories. It really stands apart from the others and I'd love there to be a continuation. I really enjoyed the one-shots too. I'll keep reading if you keep writing.

Retelling the story of the game inevitably has its pitfalls attached. I know because I tried to do it myself some years ago, and besides that, I read a lot of other people's attempts back in the day. What do you change, what do you keep the same, what do you leave out, what do you do about plot holes and inconsistencies in the source material, how do you write a story with so many characters without your brain exploding, etc.

So it's clear with this one that you're trying to shake things up, and it seems to me that's the right approach. So far, the parts of this story I've found the most enjoyable or the most interesting are the ones prior to and/or apart from Vale's arrival on the Harbinger, because they're unpredictable and they have a lot to do with characters that aren't in TSL - or else they're filling in gaps or behind-the-scenes things that are sort of implied by TSL's plot. In this regard, I think the earlier chapters on Tatooine and the expedition to find the dark side artifacts works really well. The pace is slow, but it builds up a decent sense of eeriness and forboding, and it does a good job of introducing the reader to the differences you're making in the plot and characters without it being too jarring or seeming like too much at once.

Similarly, I like how you're giving Brianna a role in the plot, since she doesn't have one in the game if you play as a woman. Giving the Exile a twin brother is rather out of left field, but there's a lot of interesting things you could do with that. And again, if the story just stuck to what the game gave us, I'd be too bored even to keep reading the damn thing.

So far I like your take on Atton, how you're filling in what he's up to before getting mixed up in the main plot. Shedding a little light on his family's also a good move, but in the current chapter (18) I think the narrative lays it on just a little too thick about how troubled his past is; his broodings would benefit from some more subtlety or ambiguity.

I kind of like the prose. Hard to describe. Sometimes it's crisp and incisive. The very last sentence of the first scene (Revan on Tatooine) was a very good hook; it was after reading that sentence that I decided I was interested enough to keep reading. There's a decent balance between sensory detail and mere description. But other times it's uninspired, or spelling/grammar gaffes creep in. You'd do well to give your chapters a good combing before uploading them. Besides that, I think the best cure is simply to continue writing.

I would encourage you to keep uploading chapters here if you keep writing them, if only for the possibility of someone happening by to offer useful feedback, as I hope I have.

Pax vobis.

I’m really enjoying this story and I’d love to read more! :)

Whether or not you ever finish this story, I respect your mission to make something better for TSL fans than that abysmal Revan book. What happened to the Exile was downright disrespectful.

I meant to review earlier but life has been hectic. its interesting how you tie the KOTOR comics into KOTOR II. Even if you do retcon a bit of KOTOR II it's not a bad thing. I miss a lot of the characters from the first game into the 2nd game. the 2nd game makes things feel like Bastila and Carth are cameos and so fleshing things out with them is a good thing.

Ahh Zayne. Yea the KOTOR comics. They were okay but mostly read them to get Revan and Malak info. I wonder how he will fit into the story. The only thing I am not happy with KOTOR II is a lack of KOTOR I characters. But anyway...looks like things are slowly getting into the game storyline.

Seems like a lot of alternate identities going on here. Erebus for instance and Vale and even Atton as we all know Atton isn't his real name.

One minor thing you have Korriban spelled wrong in this chapter and you have Korbban.

Interesting take on the story/characters here. I'm curious to see how the comics play into this and I'm guessing you have this sith character to shed light on the true sith stuff? Not sure yet but looking forward to more.

interesting chapter. Brianna seems to be much more free without the influence of her sisters. When she ends up back in their presence she's like she ends up stifled. I think she's the Last of the Handmaidens because her sisters also hold her back. Erbus' companion/prisoner, hmm...I wonder if it is Mical. His features do seem to resemble him. Interesting about the similar features that Revan and Eden have.

Woot, quick update!
You did well with the Harbinger, there was a very ominous feeling as the soldiers boarded. I'm not entirely sure quite how much you'll stick to the game story line so there's that uncertainty with how thinga are going to play out too. I'm definitely the most invested in Vale's storyline right now (which is as it should be, being she is the protaganist) but it's good to see the others. Brianna intrigues me because I want to see her break from her sisters and have all this character development I know will come at some stage... but I still have no idea how Erebus will come into things (with her or Vale) which makes it all very interesting.
Great to see Mission again. For a crazy moment I thought the ex Jedi was Revan! I haven't read the comics so I'm not very up to date with Zayne, but it's a cool cameo - and an interesting way to introduce Mical. Intriguing...
A couple of typos for you:
Making he nervous (me nervouse)
She glanced at Big. (Big Z)
What is it guys do (you guys do)

interesting chapter. The game makes it seem as though her diplomatic ties are because she was a Jedi. This is be an interesting twist that it was just a cover to get her on a ship. Erebus leaves me with so many questions as to why he took the path he did. it feels tragic and part of it feels as though he was forced into it and the other part feels like... well like Revan simply into knowledge for knowledge sake.

Great to see another chapter :)
Hmm, I wonder who Erebus is sensing?
It seems we're so close to the start of the game, now. Can't wait to see how Peragus unfolds. I admit I got a kick out of seeing Atton's name in his POV, great to have him in the story.
Ominous end to the chapter - more so, because we know how the game starts (although I remember playing at least the first half of K2 in a perpetual state of confusion as to what the heck was going on, heh). I hope Mission and Z cross paths with Vale again.
Anyway... onto Peragus, Atton and Kreia! Exciting :)

These chapters seem more like a prolouge to the beginning of TSLs now that I am reading it. Aiden's character seems so much more fleshed out and defined. Brianna's character as well. I do hope you ignore the game dynamics and have her come with your Exile.

This story is quickly becoming one of my favorites. Its really interesting to see how the Exile went from being in exile to a passenger on the Harbinger before ending up on Peragus. And I like how everything is tieing back to Revan.

So...SPOILER ALERT for this next part...

When you first mentioned how Revan and Eden looked similar I had a feeling that you were going to have the two of them be related, and it seems more and more likely as the story is progressing. But what confirmed it for me was the appearance of a child being present in Aiden’s visions of his past when he saw his parents looking down on him and Eden in their crib.

END OF SPOILERS...

Anyways, thanks for reading this, and I am definitely looking forward to an update.

Thanks again,

maugle

I liked this chapter a sharing of confidences between Mission and Vale. Plus the figuring out what and who Revan was, before and after.

Interesting how they managed to steal Aiden's/Erebus' ship. He's going to be mad that he's stranded on Tatooine. lol