Reviews for RWBY: The Novelization
f chapter 1 . 6/13/2018
This is pretty nice.
Anon chapter 21 . 2/2/2018
Wow those fight scenes are bad. The pacing of them is really slow and just kinda boring. I mean trying to translate something like a RWBY fight into writing is hard but this is just...blegh.
Also you do know RT won't publish this right? There are already several other 'novelizations/retellings' that are done much better than this one, and I think if RT was really wanting the money off a novelization of the show they would either hire a professional author to do it or use one of the other, better written, novelizations/retellings other fans have written.
Blu3 Fir3 chapter 1 . 12/24/2017
You can’t post links on this website within your story or the summary, so I’d remove them. Not sure why you haven’t done so already. Also, in the summary, the plural for the word “anime” is just anime, not “animes”.
ConnorPerson chapter 20 . 12/24/2017
This is volume 3 not 4
kira444 chapter 17 . 12/8/2017
I really, really wish they made an official manga adaption of RWBY. Man, this just makes me want it more.
Guest chapter 1 . 12/1/2017
8- You use really antiquated terms, 'fix her wagon' or using queer to mean odd. It throws readers for a loop & it breaks immersion with such old expressions being used in something like RWBY.
9-Its honestly a bit ridiculous the amount of content you skip over and leave out. Even if you think the events of those episodes are not important, a summary would be appreciated. The storys flow & pacing is just all over the place as a consequence.
10- There are creative ways to integrate the soundtrack into the narrative, like I read a fic where Weiss talks to her mirror like she does in her songs or another fic where Ruby has mom issues like in her song, but just copy pasting the song lyrics as prose or describing Ruby as red like roses just feels really lazy & bland.
z chapter 1 . 11/30/2017
yikes this is terrible
Guest chapter 1 . 11/11/2017
Ah, knew I forgot something.
7- The few instances where you do add original stuff (such as Ruby telling the beos they have desicrated Summers grave & she'll make them pay before killing them gleefully) feel very ooc. Try and keep in mind how the characters would actually react in scenarios.
Guest chapter 12 . 11/8/2017
Having just read this entire thing, I feel the need to write a review. There are a lot of issues with this fic, and I'll just number them to make it easier.
1- You do a lot of telling and not showing.
2- You over-describe details that are not important. We do not need an entire head to toe detailed description of a character's appearance once they arrive, it interrupts the flow of the story, and you can give details about a character's appearance (naturally, and organically) throughout the story, instead of just info dumping their entire appearance once they arrive. Another element of this is with your setting, we the audience don't need to have an entire history of a location dumped on us, it's boring, and you can just as easily exposition any kind of detailed history through the characters by having them bring it up, if it needs to come up, naturally, in the character's conversations. You can set a scene without giving us the entire history.
3- You use too many verbs when characters speak instead of just using, said or asked. And the instances where you don't use any dialogue tags it's honestly a bit confusing to tell who is talking. Also, you generally don't use 'said X' outside of say, a children's book. 'X said/ x said, followed by action' is the more generally preferred way of writing dialogue.
4- Despite being a 'novelization' it is extremely lacking. There is a large amount of content missing from the show (and checking your blog, it seems to be the same over there as well), and it jumps around and cuts to things in a manor that is extremely jarring and confusing, and I'm someone who's watched the show enough times to know it by memory. If I wasn't familiar with the show I would have been even more lost. On top of that, there's nothing new added to this novelization, nothing that makes me want to continue reading it instead of just re-watching the show. A good novelization should offer some new, more in depth material then the source material, to keep it unique while also staying faithful to the original.
5- There is a lot of creepily sexualized language, especially with Yang. It's not necessary to give so much attention to her rear and breasts when describing her, or referring to Weiss getting hit with a pie as being a whip cream facial. Sidenote, a woman would not blame herself when a creepy guy hits on them, that's not how women think.
6- This one is directed more at you, instead of your writing. It very much feels like you don't have a passion for writing and are just writing to get famous and make money. You're entire profile description is you talking about how you wrote this so you can pitch it to rt and get it published. That's not why you should be writing a fic, or a story in general. Do it out of a love of the craft, not out of wanting fame and fortune.
Review over, I might keep an eye on this just to see if you improve at all, but overall, this is a very weak story and a very weak retelling/novelization as well.
2/10
Guest chapter 7 . 9/22/2017
REPORTED!

also lol nobody is reading this
Firestar001 chapter 1 . 5/14/2017
Please continue this!
Virrad chapter 1 . 4/28/2017
This is actually a really good novelization of the show. Don't listen to the guys saying to erase this. Just keep writing what you want to write!