The Shepard rage was problematic.
The thing is, if shepherd can kill things like that, whats the point of the previous struggle.

Really hoping that someday you'll continue this story. It really is fantastic!

A fellow South African. Just what has happened to you since then? Its been a long time.

*Checks pulse*
You still alive out there?

Wonderful writing, love how you present detailed descriptions for everything. the overly described setting and repeated description just adds to the atmosphere you created

It's been a few years since you said you'd update. :P plz do soon?

please update soon! don't leave this story incomplete it's too much good!

Too verbose. A lot of description which uses multiple words could easily be altered to a word that encapsulates both eg. burning, fierce to fiery. One item is also described multiple times, also using the very same word over and over again in the description (swirling). Another occasion has two descriptive words that do not encapsulate different meanings in the context it is written to describe a situation; hence one of the descriptive words was unnecessary.
The use of bold (emphasising denominators) is excessive to the point of insult as most emphasised words are in fact obvious through your writing and the fact that you bold these areas makes us/me as the audience feel like we are being condescended to. This persistent frustration from being essentially treated as a literary child detracts from the ability to enjoy the story.

The story is interesting, but you should really either get yourself a beta reader, improve your writing, or tell us why you randomly take words and make them bold. Honestly, what purpose does that serve? Putting emphasis on the word? Using cursive would be a better choice in that case in my opinion, using bold letters breaks the flow of the text too much. The other slight problem I see is the "..." you have in every second sentence. Sometimes using interruptions like that works very well, but most of the time it makes the text sound silly and slightly boring. Example:"Through clenched teeth, she growled... she pleaded: "Who... are... you?" In the spoken part, it emphasises that the speaker is speaking slowly and probably in pain or shock or something like that, in "she pleaded... she growled", it sounds stupid.

Looking good so far and i can tell this is gonna be a good story. Keep up the good work m8t.

I liked the chapter!

So, it seems as though you weren't content to write a grammarian's nightmare, but you had to turn it into an imposing wall of text too?

Good god, man, go to a creative writing workshop, or at least find yourself a beta, because this writing is intolerable. Punctuation does not work like that, sir.

Problem with the arseholes, I pressume?
(You havnt update the time.)
And Yes (forget mention in the last rewiew) about the update in warhammer 40 000 lore... By the God (-Emperors) Beard... (Yes, I know He doesnt have one, beard, the Emperor, but still.)
Here one hope some other loyalist Primarchs return as well (the Tratiors have and probily will, after all.)
Hope you can update soon, Keep Up the Good Work (Thumbs Up!).

Christ man, stop making every 10th word bold. Stop... putting excessive amounts... of dots... in between short... incomplete sentences. You could improve your story a lot by simply writing it like a normal person, because as it stands it is choppy in the extreme. Take a look at any of the other most recent fics as an example of how to write an interesting story that isn't headache inducing to read. I can see potential for something interesting in this mess, but right now its just not worth the effort of trying to slog through your style of writing.