Has potential to be a great story, but needs a lot of work.

Please think about getting beta readers to help you put your story together, or other writers to give you tips on writing.

Much good want more.

Interesting! The only things wrong with this are grammatical issues here and there, and there are no line skips when a new person speaks. Keep writing, you're great!

good story but the chapters are too damn short

The scene with Seggin and the cookie reminds me a lot of one of the old episodes of Johnny Test.

Thanks for the great Chapter!

I like how you change the MC's name between Razalak and the shorter version Raz, it makes it a bit easier on the ears than the same solid name being spoken again and again.