Good story.

Why should he give anything to the shitty Riverlands? Hipster is asking too much

I don't understand the reviews. Everything was fairly well written.

I have to be honest, a recurring problem with the story is that the paragraphs are immensely long.

You at least know how to separate the sentence structure, which is nice, but it really grates on my brain having to carefully read lines that are in large and dense blocks.

Also, the constant POV switch was very jarring, and there didn't seem to be any particular sense to it. It starts out as Harry Arryn, detailing his time at a tavern (a scene with little real significance, if any actually) then Bran, which doesn't really go anywhere, then finally Harry with Lord Hoster Tully, discussing threats.

If you are trying to compare Harry to the Greek Gods he shouldn't show concern about things the way he did with Petyr Baelish. If he has lived for centuries, literally transcending human limits I don't understand why he would be concerned about a lowly noble such as Petyr, even if he is Master of Coin.

I can strongly say that your story so far is plotless. You have focused a vast amount on unnecessary detail and pointless reminiscing, and the fanfiction has suffered for it.

There doesn't seem to be any particular order to each chapter. Chapter one: he somehow is reborn into the ASOIAF universe, as Jon Arryn's son for some reason. No explanation is given as to how he changed the Vale for the better. Not why, but HOW.

Chapter 2: He screws some noble girl.

Chapter 3: He fights some mountain clansmen.

There doesn't seem to be any build-up as of yet; this all could be summarized in a few paragraphs while the ongoing chapters progress the plot you don't seem to have planned out yet.

I have read two chapters already, and I can say doubtlessly one of the biggest flaws in your fanfiction is the constant switching of past and present tense. He looked or harry thinks, pick one or the other not both.

The amount of detail, I think, is a bit unnecessary and going over this the first two chapters seem more like filler than advancement of plot points.

There's nothing significant about him riding on a road, thinking of how he made a great sewage system and pristine roads as well.

I can't say I hate this chapter. I will say this though:

The descriptive detail was nice, but jarring. There is no need to go to detail about how 'it weighed three thousand pounds' or 'the black Asshai'i stone'.

That's not even going into the fact that no sensible person would have the greasy black stone near their beds, definitely not a supposed magical such as Harry Potter, someone who seems to have lived for more than a century. And why would they be involved with Asshai? Massive lack of detail on these 'internal reformations'.

He's transcended human levels yet seems very vain; his castle is almost non-sensical with how vulgarly decorated it is.

This is still a bit interesting, but the whole 'super transcendent godlike blah blah blah' cliche can grate on me.

For inspiration, you should check out 'A Discordant Note' by Noodlehammer.

I like your version of Sabaton's The Last Stand transcribed for the Vale... Pretty cool

Good chapter, except for the complete and utter bastardisation of that Sabaton song. Looking forwards to more

its a bunch of noncecential ramblings, one sentence has nothing to do with the next and the things that make most sence is the discriptions of the suroundings.
so far we know this, harry was old and acended which apparently meant rebirth nothing else on this. then you start at 18 years old searching for something. next a battle against the mountain clans for flat top, for what you dont say. now an alliance between riverlands and the vale.
there is so much info missing, yet you tell us all how the inn looked for the night during travel, or the mountains. and worst of all, no magic.

Ah! Please let Bran live! Poor kid!

Looking forward to more.

I would have liked the name Hadrian better though...

Too descriptive

Great chapter. Can’t wait for the new chapter. Keep up the great work. What do you think the pairing for Harry is going to be?