Next Chapter

And the characters we were introduced to and the battle and everything that was apparently at stake in the prologue none of that matters in this chapter cause we're introduced to more people... People completely unrelated to the story (at least from what we know as the reader) to these people if we were not blatantly told the end goal of the story from the start via synopsis. Makes me wonder why I should invest interest in these characters seeing the others cut off so early.

Oh so OC made a castle he wanted to replace Nazerick's standing as best dungeon ever yet thought he could show it off at the end of the life of an MMORPG. Considering Nazerick was attacked by 1500 players/merc npcs in a massive coalition this seemed... over optimistic for the last days of the game to pull something anything resembling that kind of scale. I guess it would surprise me more if he did manage it I guess.

Seemingly awesome descriptions of fantastic locations, servers shut down like we've seen in the anime... Little time is devoted to reacting to the fact this character is now transported into ta fantasy realm and his old life is gone forever because onwards another chapter.. Let me cheat and peek into the next one... Oh thank god Kevin is actually getting more screen time for character development.

Ambitious to try to cover 9 worlds with 9 Guilds/Gods in a fanfiction single story. Don't forget the saying "Overreaching ambition invites disaster." Not much else to say about this prologue. Does a good set up for a battle but ends inconclusively and anti-climatic with a simple nod. I like what little of the story there is actually written after the rather blunt synopsis. But it leaves frankly a unfinished feeling that does nothing to assuage the concerns regarding scope I have with it. Even Maruyama focused his story in a small section of the world he made first only vaguely referencing the rest of it building it up as he went along taking time to develop it.

Frankly I might have liked it better If I knew nothing of the synopsis.

Nivek then looked at Mur-ag disdainfully and said in a really bad imitation of a generic European accent, [Grasp Heart].

And as Mur-ag clutched at his chest with a look of complete shock on his face and slumped into instant death, Nivek looked at the collapsed, gooey red mess in his hand that had cast the ninth tier spell and exclaimed, "JESUS F*CKING CHRIST! So THIS is how this spell works in this world! This is absolutely disgusting! Feora! Get me something to clean this filth off of my hand, RIGHT NOW!"

Feora smiled seductively and said, "My Lord, if you will permit me, I will LICK your hand clean. And if there is any other part of your body that requires a THOROUGH cleaning, I will be happy to lick that part clean, also!"

Nivek, feeling a sudden stirring in his loins, declared to the members of his army and the collected prisoners, "Everybody wait here. Feora and I shall return in a few minutes."

And as the two left for a bit of privacy, one of the minions in the army was faintly heard to mutter to his friend standing next to him, "Geez! There they go again. This happens every single time!"

-

Or at least... This is how this senile old pervert would LOVE to see the next chapter begin!

It's about time we see the lord of demons in combat !
Hehehe this will be interesting !

... DAMN IT !
And here I am don't even have "it" !
I Can made one but a Doritos with a dick is way too weird!

Yeah this could be a comedy story.

It has earned it

This is meant to be an advertisement? This story nay be slightly comedic but it is too stupid. Oh well, time to classify this as another OC story failure.

Scratch that, all OC stories are automatically failures.

Would you consider getting a proofreader? It's really hard to follow along and not just the spelling mistakes but the wording as well, besides that I am REALLY enjoying this concept so far, just wish it flowed more easily.

If you need one I'm pretty sure PervySageChuck is one or could point towards one.

The oc fears ainz ooal gown, i wonder how he will react if he finds out that ainz is just nearby, he might go batshit crazy!

Frost Giant Unholy knight...somehow it remind me of meatshield.
I wonder what would happen if our MC here just happen to bump into Papa bone later in the future and Papa bone discover that he's the one that steal his WCI and his Celestial Uranium mine.
~k waiting for more update.
keep it up!

This is ambitious. Good luck!

Oh man... those gods sound Powerful

both chapter seem a bit short...If it get extended a little more that would be too awesome...*sigh
keep it up even tho it's short as long as there's more of it, I guess it's good enough for me.

And another Supreme Being joins the story!

Not too many grammatical errors and this is still interesting.