I see why people like my story a lot now. Because Im straight to the point with things unlike this story.

Literally they do pretty much nothing interesting and it’s super boring most of the time. I just can’t find it any of these chapters exciting at all because its boring and too slow.

Also, why does author play Aura out like its magic? Like I get it it’s fanfic so you can do whatevs but it just sounds dumb.

“He channeled aura into his lungs so he could breathe better” how? Is Aura suddenly reinforcement magic where you channel it anywhere you want and acheive super human feats?

Also why in every story of yours Jaune is so horny all the time? He goes on and on about how pretty girls look that it really clouds his judgement and tbh I hate it. He’s always talking about how cute Ruby is (pedophile) how curvy Blake and Yang are its so annoying.

All in all, its kind of boring.

I would be fine with just Jaune and Blake, without putting Yang into the paring honestly

Jaune just forgives your version of Blake after doing the exact same thing that happened to him to other people? Seriously?! That's utterly absurd. Do his teenage hormones cloud his supposed intelligence so much that he just doesn't care that he's partnered with a murderer? It just doesn't make sense for his character whatsoever to just forgive her like that. Hell, this entire conversation just seems rushed to push in their relationship developments.

I could understand this if it was a normal Jaune story where he is naive or even innocent to most things, but in a story like this? Where he's recently gone through an event that would quiet literally scar him for life? He had the people he grew up with slaughtered and his father put in a coma and he just doesn't care about this at all. He just says "it was for equality!"

Does that make it right? Does that bring back the lives she's ruined? The people she's killed? It's baffling how you've set all this up just to through his entire backstory out the window when it comes to this very obvious thing.

He even states he wouldn't be able to hate her if he tried. Are you kidding me? She would be the perfect representation of something he could hate. The literal embodiment of what's gone wrong in his life, but instead you completely ignore all that...ugh

overall it's a pretty decent read. I feel like the pacing is a bit slow sometimes, like we spend 20 chapters forging a sword and 1 chapter using it. the character developments are interesting. Jaune sort of comes off as a Dr Stone Senku meets Tony Stark sort of guy and i do tend to picture him looking like a cross between One Punch cyborg and Deus Ex dude. Hes definitely too different from canon Jaune to picture him I'd say, which is fine just be aware. I would try to avoid repeating things as much where possible too, use scene breaks if you need to or focus on new character reactions from repeated information. Readers still have to re read it each time even if it's a new character reaction so realize it's super boring. Also I'd touch up that engagement reveal snafu cause I swear back on day 2 at breakfast he told his team and Weiss' about their prior engagement. The random side info and introspection can sometimes be tedious if only because they can bloat a chapter and make the pacing seem even worse, reading about a characters internal thoughts on the airspeed velocity of an unlaiden swallow might seem gloriously entertaining but if the entire chapter is a stroll down a boardwalk with nothing happening but muddled thoughts it just makes you roll your eyes. So perhaps consolidating some of those paragraphs to balance more with dialogue and action/events would help pacing. Hopefully my thoughts are taken well? Otherwise just ignore and do as you will, it's your art after all. Thanks for posting.

I feel like you started repeating things a bit too much. Within this chapter and maybe the last you reference to same information about polygamy. Also the engagement was explained at least twice to everyone so it's a definite error that people that were explained about the relationship on like Beacon day to just had it re explained. It may not be noticeable as an author who may write a chapter and then it might be months before you write same information down again but as a reader who's reading straight through it repetition becomes painful on some levels.

Love the story so far, keep up the good work!

Crab? Crab? CRAB TIME.

And this story is cheesy af no offense bro you narrate as if you trying too hard to put "cool" things in there like "alabaster skin" or "midnight black hair blending in with..." I get it that you are narrating a nightmare or a memory etc so normally is safe to assume that is a-okay to exaggerate a bit but is just a feeling that you are trying too hard at that

I think you need to short down that aura unlocking text a little bit mate

Mahi Mahi is some real good!

dude blakexjaune is too fast
be more slower

Found this story while scavenging for some jaune centric stories. I’m loving the development, I can already see how jaune will have the upper hand against mercury. Also I want to give you huge props on the initiation situation. Very rarely do they change that up. Might draw inspiration from that for something I’m planning on writing.

Also PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MAKE A SIDE STORY FOR MOZAMBIQUE! I AM DIEING TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!

I have a working theory on what happened and so far I’m imagining a “Hangover” esc situation

Anyway, big fan, can’t wait to see the direction this story goes

In a previous chapter you said jaune broke off the engagement to Weiss. Now you're saying her dad did. There's a couple other things I've noticed that weren't the same as previous chapters. Can't remember them at the moment though.

Wow, that's definitely the most extreme initiation I've read before. Good job on that.

Ugh.. There's absolutely no reason for jaune to be staying at cardin's house. Even less for him to train with him when he can get his own tutors. His mom send him to live with his 13 year old sisters boyfriend? Whom at the very least both he and his dad hate. This story would be at LEAST 50% better without that..