Actually I'm happy to see this because I was getting frustrated with your story, thankfully I stuck with it because of my love for starcraft and the lack of good sc fic's.

The title while too long isn't too bad "Prince of the Swarm" would have been good but there wasn't really a swarm.

I'm glad your deleting the OC's. most of them were pointless and since your working with the RWBY and starcraft universes, you have so many good characters to use that it seems like a waste to bring in oc's when it's not necessary.

Alain just seemed similar to Sarah but any good character is interesting to read about.

I sadly have an unhealthy obsession with harem stories atm so seeing that the harem will still be in the story is good news and thankfully with less oc's. I still hope Nova makes it in the new story :)

The Terran, Zerg and Protoss have strengths and weaknesses when your comparing them to each other. However comparing them to Remnant tech would be like comparing pig iron to titanium. If you combine the three races and compare them to Remnant than it would be like comparing poop to gold. Remnant does have some nifty tech, but they haven't even visited their moon so there kind of pathetic in comparison.

I loved the empire building thing you were going with I'm the beginning with the Zerg, but then you kinda threw it to the wayside which was a major let down. So I hope you bring that back with aggression and do more with it in the rewrite.

Lol the most obvious ones that could fit a two empty slots in the team and are hardly ever used is the Twins. I hope I'm right :)

Natalie and Zavalis. Please no more OC's unless there filling an npc roll or there vital to the story, Leaf is fine because she fits the vital roll in my opinion. Natalie would also be fine if she was the Ghost chick, but she could easily be replaced with Nova.

A rewrite is better than a cancellation notice but don’t overwork yourself go by your own pace

Here my thoughts on your story. This maybe look harsh so you can ignore it if you can't handle it. Let me use your list of changes as what I thought about your fic.

1. I think you're right. The title need a change to less silly (yeah, 'The Prince of the Swarm doesn't look appealing at all).

2. Better if Alain is one man team since his interactions is dull with his 'teams' and some of the interactions look silly as it resembles the generic harem 'interactions' in trashy harem story.

3. I'll be honest. This Alain guy have...no personality at all after I re-read your fics again. The MC doesn't have a clear personality, it's a mess just to fit it in harem stories similiar as most of smut fics that only use harem genre as tool for 'lemons'. Just like an one dimesional characters.

Try to make him more unique and interesting as well more like a characters. For examples, make him a guy who hates society because of some kind of trauma and this will make him untrusting towards everyone as he don't believe in 'bonds'. Your MC don't like anyone bothers him in anyway and won't accept help from anyone who he branded as stranger. He won't give shit to anyone as long everyone leave him alone so he can enjoy his own activity for whatever. With this personality, I believe 'characters development' will play it's part since you didn't drop the harem genre. Try develop your MC characters from someone who untrusting towards anything that related to bonds, into someone who appreciate another company and relying on them. Use MC harem members to help your MC more accepting the believes of bonds.

4. Not Chaotic Good Guy. Anti-hero maybe better than that.

5. Harem members shouldn't exceed more than 12 (for my standards) cause it will be very hard to do character development for the harem and some of them would have less time screen and turned into 'extras' instead if the harem is too large. Try don't add more than your capabilities on handling them.

6. The Begininng should be ORIGINAL. Not like coming to Dust store, helping Ruby beat Roman's goons even though she shouldn't be a damsel in distress, meet Ozpin then go to Beacon. Too flat, overused, and boring. Also, don't use canon plot too much or rather don't do canon at all. I'm sure following canon plot then slapped your MC in the scene with nothing major changed is same as 'Copyright'. Try be more creative since this is Fanfiction, a place where you put your creativity instead rehashing the same thing.

7. Not sure about this since I not really that familiar with Starcraft so no comment there.

8. Using underused characters as MC's team wouldn't be bad (if you still want to make MC have teams).

9. I'm not one to talk for this since that's not my OC, but try don't put too much OCs. Nothing good with too many OCs in story. Believe me.

10. Again no words for this, like point 7.

There you have it. Well...seems like it's not that harsh then what I think. Point 3,5 and 6 should be critical enough for what I've thought about your fics (sorry, not good with words and criticizing). I pray for your good luck in your rewrite~

Good for you to realize on this. We will anticipate your rewrite

I hope you continue

He is completlly bullshiting

Great

It's hard to remember what happened in your story since its been so long since I read the previous chapters, but I do remember liking the story and there's hardly any good Starcraft stories let alone crossover and harem stories.

I don't remember Alain ever saying what his Semblance is exactly or even confirming that Kinetic blast is his Semblance. So even if he does do some new stuff he can just say it's part of his Semblance of just say that Psionics in general is his Semblance.

Honestly it wouldn't really raise that many questions that couldn't easily be explained away or that would be all that damaging if he answered them, plus he's already lying like crazy so why wouldn't he just lie some more. Also just because questions are asked doesn't mean Alain needs to answer any of them.

The part where Pyrrha is shocked and have a revelation about Alain just from him telling Joan to get used to using her sword in her off hand. The whole thing is pretty ridiculous because any fighter worth their salt would make sure they know how to wield their weapon in their off-hand and that it's common sense to learn such a skill, especially for someone like Pyrrha.

Also why would Pyrrha's semblance work on Alain? it should only work if he's wearing things that are affected by her magnetism, if he was wearing all leather for example than he wouldn't be affected.

Also I thought Alain already met one of his old Ghost friends from the past, so he already knows that some of the people followed him through, so the first question you would ask yourself is it there's more you don't know about.

So Alain goes some of his past but it turns out he's still lying and its not even a good one. The events he described would have been major news if 1000 civilians died to the Grimm, so even if the girls don't pay attention to the news, the lie would easily be uncovered by a simple key word search.

Plus all the deception and lying is getting old, I could see him keeping his secrets from the higher ups like Ozpin, but not from his close friends. Plus didn't Alain already show someone the Zerg chitin on his chest which doesn't match any other known Faunas, I thought it was either Blake or Velvet.

Well looking forward to the next chapter.

love the story

Update more soon!

Well it's nice to see Alain using a bit more of his psionics, but he still hasn't used nowhere near as much as he should be capable of so I'm looking forward to seeing him cut loose.

I also hope the twins make it in the harem, I love reading stories with them being a big part of it.

I'm a few chapters behind, so all I want to say is I hope we see Alain use more of his Psionic abilities. They would of helped him a lot in the fight with the mech.

Holy sht took you awhile. Anyways, I’m glad I ain’t the only one with life fucking problems. Hypocrisy is a difficult enemy, yet a foolish action too.

It’s everywhere m8, can’t say I would completely understand what ya been through, but feeling that anger of resentment in ya? That I can say the same.

The attitude of your family’s old man? Wouldn’t really say that he’s bad, if that’s how he’s acting more than an asshole? I’m not hiding behind the kindness side na.

Basta, pag chill Lang. Ipa tago Lang ang pagka suko nimo. (Bisaya, can’t say if you understand it though)

Anyways, good chap m8. Keep it up and still your rage. It won’t help if you unleash it openly, trust me on that. But keep the ignition at ready. Sometimes you gotta pump that engine when sht starts happenin

talk about coming back with a bang. great chapter and i am excited to see more of this aswell as the time when cinder is aniahlated by the zerg.

Will you continue the story? It's awesome and i can't wait for the next one!