Wow. AGAIN, you've opened up this side to Darry Curtis that I just didn't see without your help. Thank you, I always need that with him and you never fail to deliver.

What a perfectly accurate depiction of an unfolding panic attack; how it is triggered, how it manifests itself, those shortnesses of breaths and feelings of "self plummeting into a pit of terror", and how you so desperately grasp for control over it only to discover the strength and power of your mind and body when they viciously team up like that, and it's a tiresome match. And it is so perfect for you to have this happen through our Superman, your Atlas, because I think it just validates the depths of those feelings of helplessness even more.

The fact that the falling snow is what triggers him simultaneously makes my stomach drop in empathy and pushes me to my feet to give you a standing ovation. I think of all those references to Soda and his wishes for snow days in your other stories is perfect, and 'The Storm Within' which I have yet to read but am sure it treads that theme. And boy, a storm is a beautiful metaphor for Sodapop Curtis. This ties him back to that little boy that I so love you for reminding us of him. Even if he's not really directly in this piece but for a moment in Darry's memory. How powerful it is to see the middle child through the eyes of his younger AND older sibling and the contrasting view they hold of him.

Darry's little memory of him and Soda and the ghost story, and Soda's fear of monsters and how Darry now equates that to the very real and very scary monsters he must be facing over seas has me wishing I could just wrap them all up in my arms. "He can't do this. He won't make it. He can't survive" how heartbreaking. And to think of that endless loop of Soda getting shot in Darry's mind, knowing what we know, that he is okay, only makes it all that so much harder to stomach because the mind creates some of the most frightening lies and I hate that Darry is a the front of it here. You make me ache for all those real life families who were waiting in constant uncertainty for the safety of their loved ones, both in this specific war and others.

And as always, for Darry not to have control is really what spirals him here. He CANT save Soda, even if Soda needed saving at this moment. There is nothing he can do, and that just KILLS someone like Darry who fights so hard for people. Gah, I'm tearing up just thinking about that unsettling pain he must be bearing.

You throwback to your other stories (which BTW I have not been reading in any kind of order, so my POV is all over the place LOL). Darry feeling like something is most definitely wrong, and Pony knowing like Soda as alive. And they're both right. Soda is alive but not safe, most likely. With that beautiful parallel of the snow falling on Pony's eyebrow and the scar we later see that Soda bares on his eyebrow, I can only assume this was the intense night that painted that scar across his eyebrow. THAT is such an amazing line to draw and connect the timeline of your universe, and it gave me the GOOSIEST of GOOSE BUMPs if that is even a thing. You should've seen my face transform in to that realization. You know how sometimes you wish you could read something for the first time again because of how powerful it was? That's how this wass, only when I reread it I was just as mesmerized.

Darry's heart is so important in this piece. And of course, I've always known his heart has all this depth that isn't so visible on the surface at first glance, but you've also made me see this human side to Darry which I always forget about. I don't mean that I think Darry is a robot or anything, but I think I write him off as always steady and headstrong in everything he does, no matter what, and you've reminded me here that he is just as breakable as everyone else, and BECAUSE he is so strong and steady by nature and desire, when he does break like he does here, it means that much more! Great job, sis.

"now I know what Mr. Thompson must've felt before he died of a heart attack" phew, that is such a great comparison, I feel that clenching in my own chest reading about Darry in this state.

And now we get to see our sweet Ponyboy and all of his tender curiosity, initially trying to give Darry that space he knows his brother wants, but ultimately recognizes when that's truly not what's needed in this moment. "this isn't just a bad day"- no, and Pony you are the best kind of brother to recognize that.

Happier, I swear, the amount of tears shed in that tiny Curtis bathroom could fill an ocean! I love how frequently you use that setting, I hope you know. The image of a pale as a ghost Darry hardly able to hold himself upright, claiming that he's fine haunts me and has me remembering in 'The Second Night' I think it was when Soda breaks Darry even as Darry begs him not to after the recent death of their parents. I feel so deeply for Darry and the need he feels to keep himself composed, but I am so grateful for Pony to be there to steady him when he can't do it himself.

Among all of this beautifully heavy emotionality, my favorite is just the emphasis you put on how differently Pony and Darry see Soda. How they're both right, but don't have the whole picture, and absolutely need each other to see the board clearly. Of course, as the older brother, Darry will ALWAYS see Soda as the little boy he was when they were kids, and in context to the years Darry has on him, someone who needs to be protected. And he's right, Soda is sensitive and sweet. But Pony sees those stronger sides because he's only ever seen Soda as he older brother in context to those years Soda has on Pony. He's always need protecting by Soda. And he's right too, Soda is strong and a fucking maniac in a fight! "Soda's never been little, never been anything but my older, tougher, stronger brother".

These three boys need one another to understand each other and themselves, and I think that's really what I love most about your expression of the Curtis boys.

I know you've told me a bit about this piece being the pivotal moment in Pony and Darry's relationship, and all I can say is that you've knocked it out of the park, because I think this is really what the two of them needed, that common ground that for so long was separating them. They are both scared. They are both vulnerable. And they both love their brother (and each other, of course). They need each other.

"I slowly bring my hand up, my fingers softly rest along my left eyebrow. My brother is alive" and maybe you've already written the piece that shows us Soda's scar and I have yet to read it, but I can so clearly see Soda all of the way across the sea, grasping his own eyebrow and thinking of his brothers. BREATHTAKING!

Now, we have a problem here, Happier. I feel like I always rave about your stories, and I don't want my praises to lose their weight, I want you to BELIEVE me, but I don't know how to do that. So just know that I am always coming from a heartfelt place of honesty when I review these, each of them get me every time in a different way.

I love the role reversal with Pony being the strong one this time. I’ve always been curious to see the dynamics of the brothers without Soda, so I’m really happy you wrote this.

Wow, so strong. I love it. I can relate to that fear, and the anxiety of not knowing when it's been longer than normal between responses. Beautifully written as always!

Okay, sorry this is so complicated, but I have tried the link and it's not working (my phone doesn't like links). My name on pintrest in Crystal DeOrnellas. When I search myself I show up. I have glasses in my profile photo. Can you message it once you find it. Thank you.

I loved seeing this side of Darry. I know he would of had to of had a something like a panic attack at least once, if I was him it would be more then once. I feel so bad for him, but I am glad that Pony was there for him.

I feel like most people don't really show this kind of side to Darry. No matter who you are, your going to have some weakness and show your emotions some how. Great job!

Awesome job! :D

Wow, I just LOVE this! It's so beautiful to see Darry and Ponyboy bonding like this, although the emotional breakdown that Darry experiences over the countless possibilities of Soda is absolutely devastating. I hate to think of Soda being away at war, though, that just rips me apart; I can't imagine how these two would get through losing him, but you've truly nailed their emotions here. You put a lot of depth into this one, and I really feel for the Curtis family. I adore Pony picking Darry back up, and that one beautiful line toward the end is purely bitter-sweet.

"Tonight though, I wasn't lying when I told Darry I can feel it in my bones. That Soda's alive."

Simply beautiful! :3

Another incredible story of yours! I love the universe you've created. Everyone is very much in character, but your stories are fresh, bringing a newness to the characters we know and love.

This story touched me personally, as I can relate all too well with Darry. I have an anxiety disorder that is so severe it's actually debilitating. You captured what a panic attack is really like. Excellent writing! I like that your Mrs Curtis had anxiety, giving her sons some experience with it. Anxiety can be tricky to describe but you did it masterfully with both skill and apathy.

A few lines that stood out to me:
"But lately I find myself dipping my feet into those tricky waters, and as I watch the snow that Soda loved so much, tonight an eerie blanket over Tulsa, I'm shook"

"My chest muscles are tight and pained, and now I know what Mr. Thompson must've felt before he died of a heart attack."

"I think you've forgotten the bigger parts of Soda."

Thank you for so many great stories. I'm always looking forward to your next piece. And don't get me started on how magnificent "The Trip" is.

Very well done. You put a lot of emotion into this

That first line is...awesome. It creates such a solemn quiet. Loved it. Instantly grabbed me.

Poor Darry - but nice show of role-reversal! I like Pony taking charge for once, and taking care of Darry. Darry NEEDS to be taken care of sometimes. And his talk about Soda and his mother being the superstitious ones but he just has a feeling this time...chilling. The line about Two-Bit made me giggle. Good one, Pony. And is Mr. Thompson from one of your other Soda-in-Nam stories? Because the description was GREAT, but I felt like I should be remembering him.

Awesome job. Awesome, awesome job.

This is beautiful, as always. Your stories. I love so many lines, as always. Like how they take turns having bad days, getting each other through it. I can't even imagine what it must be like, having a sibling in war. I can only try. But your words make me feel it.
And I love how they still can joke, because sometimes there is the only way to go through something tough.
I'm glad, though, that we know Soda is coming home alive. Even if really damaged. There is still hope.

Another great one-shot :)

I enjoyed this look at Pony having to support Darry, as well as this insight into the time when Soda is not there. And love that you show how there is so much more to Darry than the tough unfeeling exterior he hides behind. I've always kind of felt that Pony and Darry are probably more similar than either of them realise (and that is possibly the reason why they clash so much), and I can see a lot of shared traits in the way you present their characters here - Also, the idea of Darry taking after his mother for the panic attacks and Pony trying to emulate his father as he tries to deal with it was a really effective image.

I really enjoyed reading this - thanks for sharing it:)

This was so amazing. I loved this line: "Tonight I can hear his joyous echoes fading across the lines of time, now just a ghostlike wind. Soda isn't here." This is what I love about writing. Beauties like this!

Loved that Pony has to be the strong one here. All of Darry's thoughts are so vivid and painful, and although the memory from childhood was cute, his worries about the monsters Soda is really facing creates such a haunting feeling. Excellent.

"I can't bury my little brother" :( so glad he doesn't have to. This was so great happier, thanks for writing :)

"It's my turn to be strong." And yes, Ponyboy sure proves to be just that. Darry's held the reigns for a long time, a breakdown was bound to happen. And Pony taking care of him is as if he's stepping into Soda's nurturing role. Either way, they always have each other's backs. You get these brothers like no other- a superb story!