Don't take this the wrong way but have you thought about trying to space out your writing a bit? It's really hard to read the story with these big boxes of text. I used to write like that too when I first started until someone told me how hard it is to read and that someone was right. I really enjoy your story but I end up skimming it rather than reading it because it's hard to find the right line all the time within such big boxes of text.

When luck turns around. :-)