Slightly omniscient, third person, present tense... I don't think I've ever seen that quite as often. That said, I do have some gripes about your story.

Like Ginny's reaction to Harry. I do not think she would be disgusted or annoyed by him, even if she may be disgusted by his or any man's touch.

And Luna does remember Fred as someone more than one of Ginny's brother.

Finally, you could use some work with your sentence structure, for example 'Luna thinks to go there' could've been improved.

There were a few SPaG mistakes around.

All in all, a decent story, but the writing could use some work.

Keep writing.

Before I saw your AN I worked out that the title was from Hamilton and I looked through the reviews and it made me sad that nobody mentioned it apart from Sophy :(

This was really sweet, and weirdly enough it feels like you had the same prompt as Mary's round 8 fic but you've written the same thing but in different ways. It's quite cool to compare them and see how one situation took two different paths.

I'm really starting to like Ginny/Luna as a pairing. I think you've created such a sweet moment between the two of them with Luna comforting her, and then when Ginny kisses her at the end and she's surprised and happy at the same time it melted my heart a little.

I loved how you had Ginny almost forget about Fred. It's almost always the case that if something bad happens you should be thinking about that, but people are selfish so, of course, she's going to be thinking about the most recent thing to happen to her personally. Including that made it much more realistic and really helped to show off Ginny's character too.

Great job :)

Is it bad that all I could think was 'Poor Harry'. I don't like Ginny here, but that's a good thing, because I don't particularly like her in canon so that means characterisation here is spot on.
'Just off camping' indeed.
I like the ending though. The comfort in the kiss is well written and well portrayed - I can see this happening between lots of people at the end of such a battle. I also like the characterisation of Luna - her description of Fred, even knowing he's just died, made me chuckle. It's just totally Luna.
Well done, love :)

(I knew there had to be a reason why I started humming the hamilton soundtrack :p)
Aww, cute I love GinnyLuna, and the scene with the two of them after the Battle was so sweet and beautiful :') I also really enjoyed Ginny's realization that she wasn't in love with Harry anymore - the line with Harry being her childhood love and that she had grown up in the meantime was so, so beautiful :') - even though I'm kinda confused by them breaking up when they technically weren't together anymore since Harry had already broken up with her... Not sure she'd be quite so disgusted with him too, especially if she says she considers him as a friend still :)
This was a lovely story! :)
Nice work! :)

I’ve read a fair few Guna fics recently and I must admit it’s a pairing that’s growing on me. I liked the way that you built Ginny as a character however I don’t like the timing. Much as I disliked Ginny even I don’t think she’d be thinking about her torrid lovelife ahead of a beloved brother you know? However she was fierce and proud and unafraid of these new feelings. She had the decency to not string Harry along on her hook - however harsh she might have been in breaking it off with him - and She seized the moment like the firey Gryffindor that she is and made it her own. Good job.

HEhehe!

Ginny rejecting Harry?! This is a new take and I’m excited to read it!

The way that you have Ginny react and feel, is spot on. I can relate to all of it and understand it and it’s just perfect. It's amazing!

Luna and Ginny! Yes!

Okay, I love Ginny and Luna in general – as characters, as friends, as a couple – but Luna and Ginny seem just a tough OOC at the end. It’s understandable because of the situation, but now I’m scared that Ginny might simply have kissed Luna because of the situation and the rush of emotions she was experiencing and I just want them to be happy!
Ginny feeling horrible and guilty because she forgot about Fred’s death in the wake of her own feelings hurts me on a whole other level. Congrats Shay! I can finally admit that I have a heart because of this!

[Luna moves closer to Ginny, looking like she’s gliding, and sits down next to her, placing an arm on her shoulder.] – Here, in the first bit, you could replace the first set of commas with em dashes. That way you don’t have four commas so close to one another causing confusion!

I'm a bit torn on how to feel after reading this. I think it just all happened quite fast. Ginny is confident, that's true but I can't really see her dumping Harry directly after the Battle. I think she'd take time to think things through or to talk to him about how she was feeling. To literally feel disgusted at his touch for example, I don't think that's something that would just come out of the blue.

I like the way you've written Luna, it felt very in character although I always imagine her and Ginny being close friends and so, Luna being close with the Weasleys as a whole. She was in the DA with the twins as well so I think she'd know who Fred was.

For Ginny to kiss Luna straight away, after losing Fred, experiencing a battle and breaking up with Harry just felt really sudden. There was some beautiful descriptions, some very vivid imagery but it wasn't really my style, sorry about that.

Okay, I think that Luna is just seriously weird here, and Ginny...what happened to Ginny? I mean, I'm glad that she's not with Harry, but really, Luna?
Honestly, it's not that your fic isn't good, I know it is. It's just that I couldn't get into the pairing enough to enjoy myself. I'm sorry :(

The first half was so real. I loved the bit about how Ginny wasn't a child anymore, and Harry was her childhood crush. It's funny how feelings can change when you grow up.

I like that you handled the breakup well. Ginny's confusion, hesitation, and doubt really showed through there, and it felt very believable.

I have a soft spot for GinnyLuna (but ChoLuna is life, so...) and you wrote it very nicely. I'm glad you kept the beginnings of their relationship innocent and sweet, that their friendship was also highlighted here. Some writers prefer Ginny throwing herself into someone's arms, but I really love seeing something set up instead, something that can build. And again, the sweetness of it! Be still, my heart.

'pats his shoulder' that is darn brutal and I love it. I hardly ever see Ginny break up with Harry, so I really like that twist on it. It suits the more mature character that JK wrote (grr, hates on Bonnie Tyler).
However, I didn't like how quickly Ginny moved on (like, minutes?), and I found her interactions with Luna strange. They were meant to be best friends for ages, why would Luna ask 'your brother was one of the fallen' - as if she doesn't know? I think she'd be more likely to say 'sorry for your loss', but she'd have done that on the very day that he died.
I did think Luna's reaction to the kiss was adorable, and I would read more of that sweet and caring side to a relationship of theirs.

Wow, Ginny is such a bitch! sorry for the language, but it's true. She recoils at his touch, disgusted by him, when he wasn't doing anything wrong! He didn't force her to kiss him. Urgh. She could have at least waited for the ashes to settle down before dumping him like yesterday's leftover meatballs. She doesn't deserve Luna here, not yet.
Luna was so well depicted, even I fell a little in love with her. She was so... Luna! the compassion, the willingness to talk or not talk...
I did really enjoy the part where Ginny realises that Harry's just a childhood crush though. Well characterised!

Omg Shay thank you so much! I love the irony in this, it represents Ginny perfectly. I thought that if she hadn’t fallen for Harry, she would’ve fallen for Luna, because Luna is amazing.
Ginny’s disgust is portrayed so well, especially in the first part. I cannot believe I didn’t review this already. I’m squealing right now :) This fic is made of wonderfulness and I love it so much.
Thanks again!