Aw man I was interested in this one but I can no longer follow it. NaruSaku stories where they have past relationships don't work out well for me. Oh well, that is my problem. All the best for your fic though and best of luck :)

hi

No.

user?u27321191

You're literally the third Arthur this week to use this same excuse to abandon a story the crazy part is 2 of you guys are only 6 or less chapters in how could you hate something so fast is beyond me but hey it's your story and you're not getting paid so it's entirely up to you what you do.

For future reference try to at least have some kind of rough outline as to where you want the story to go and how it should end before you start posting.

Hey Ty,
You have an alright story and I do see the plot you are trying to portray. However, you need to change a few things. One: Read your dialogues aloud. "If you Miss this one, THEN the river you go?" That's not a full sentence and it sounds butchered. Unfortunately, this is throughout your story and it makes people cringe. 2nd: Slow down and flesh out the romance. You can't have someone wonder how their life has changed so much in Chapter 1-2 1 day and chapter 3-4 the weekend after she moved there. Flesh out the characters. So while I like the idea, I will not be continuing you on your story. Do your best.

A few notes on your dialogue structure here:

Whenever you end a bit of dialogue that has quotation marks, you should place a comma at the last word (or an exclamation or question mark if the character is screaming or asking a question.) So, instead of ["Oh yeah" she said] you would write it as ["Oh yeah," she said]

Also, be sure to capitalize your I's when you use them in a contraction. You wouldn't write [i'm] you would write [I'm]

Finally, whenever you have a direct address or introductory phrase at the start of a sentence, you should put a comma to show the separation from the actual clause of your sentence. So, instead of ["Sakura wake up"] you should write ["Sakura, wake up"]

Also, as a general rule of thumb, write any numbers that are one hundred or lower. Writing [five] instead of [5] looks far more professional.

I really like the idea of this story. Keep it up!

I like this story really hope you continue it

Well that was interesting Naruto should have kicked Kiba's ass

good chapter

Well that was nice

good chapter

I could wait

Well that was nice I wonder who Karin's so called friends is hope it's not Hinata that's all I need having that bimbo being the one

good chapter