Much too wordy in description and the dialogue did not flow as smoothly as it could have. Mostly you're way too wordy when you simply don't need to be.

Eh I get it too soon to tell the truth to the actual person who needs to hear it buuuuut the longer it gets put off the more I start to worry lol

Oh wow, so interesting! To have the perfect chance to tell the most important person in Valencia what happened in Rapture and he doesn't take it! Wow, such a masterful use of suspense! Not a bulls hit way to extend Jaune's distrust at all...

Yea new chapter
Keep up the good work

I'm really liking the story so far, though it will be interesting to see the reveal of jaunes past to the others, especially when they get to the really bad parts

I kinda lost interest and stopped reading when I read how every single one of the official's he was appointing was people under his thumb and pocket.

Yeah not a good way to sell the idea of overthrowing anybody and then replacing them with apparently better people.

We need someone to say Would You Kindly. That evening rolls around. Valean citizens be all like “why is there a smoking crater where Beacon should be

Excellent update

Quite nice chapter.

Interesting story if jaune is Jack Ryan does that make him younger than Ruby and possibly his sisters given the accelerated aging he underwent also calling it now Roman will be the Fontaine of this story and jaune will get flashbacks when he meets zwei

i love cross overs and mixing rwby with bioshock has been and is completely fucking awesome! this has actually gotten me to mull around an idea with bioshock 2 but nothings come from it. anyways keep up the amazing work and i cant wait to see where you take this.

Another wonderful chapter. I love the way you write this story, and eagerly await the next update.

Epic job, really dinamyc and hilarious in the various relationship. No wonder this Jaune made it tough Rapture and i'm really curious to see what else he obtained there and how he will help his friends evolve. Same requestions for the pairing, good work.

Nice

This story is beautiful, and I eagerly await the next update. To be honest, though, I'll probably be giggling for a while at that little omake.