Re-read this and still your story is in my top 3 favorites. Can’t wait to see what happens!

why the training trip with Jiraiya that so cliche .
and Naruto will probably learn only to make a bigger blue ball.

Sooo, it’s me again and this is going to be another lengthy review. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me and correct me if I’m wrong.

Chapters 6-10

Chapter 6
- They are many minor inconsistencies in your story that needs improving. In the previous chapter, Kaiya was able to read Kakashi’s emotions easily. However, in this chapter, Kaiya herself stated that she wasn’t able to read ANBU’s emotions given their profession. Kakashi was once one, so it should be near impossible for her to read his.
- I love the flashbacks. During Kaiya’s Chunnin Exam fight, I personally felt that there was too much talking going on between Kaiya and her opponent. I can understand a jab here and there. You focused too much on the verbal aspect than the actual hand to hand combat.
- Kaiya pretending to be scared is hard to believe given her personality.
- Try focusing on the “main characters” in the story instead of every single characters development. Focusing on so much at once can lead you to trying to fit as many details as possible into a chapter. It can sometimes seemed rushed. I do enjoy a lengthy chapter tho.

Chapter 7
- I know that there will eventually be a love interest between Kaiya and Kakashi but Kakashi is someone who has lost possibly every single person he once cared about and has wall up that’s near impossible to break through. He is also quite a loner. Don’t be in such a rush to have them connect on an intimate level so quickly. It should happen naturally.
- There’s definitely a power imbalance when it comes to characters in this story. It’s almost as if the characters are overpowered when the plot calls for it.
- Kaiya new Kakashi’s summoning name and it was her first time seeing it. (Minor inconsistency)
- The fight between Kaiya and Kabuto was well written.
- Guy and Kaiya’s interaction had a good foreshadowing element. It’s not easy to guess why he’s this way towards her.

I wish you well and hope to hear from you soon. ️

Hello Kitsmits,

So, this is a lengthy review (Chapters 2-5). I Would like to state once again how much I appreciate you writing this story for us readers to enjoy. However, there are a few things that can use a little tweaking .

Chapter 2
I loved the talk between Hiruzen and I...

Chapter 3
- I can see that you are a fan Sasuke and Sakura as a ship. Telling Sakura to grow strong to get Sasuke’s attention and in the next breath telling Naruto to not focus so much on getting Sakura’s attention is your bias showing through in your writing.
- Kaiya’s character can use a little consistency. One minute she’s this overly confident, can’t be easily beaten Kunoichi and then when in the presence of someone with significant power cowers and becomes so weak to the point of immobility.
- Your portrayal of Kakashi is ok. However, there are moments when he strays from his canon portrayal in the anime/manga. For example, when Kaiya is able to read his facial expressions easily. He’s usually good with masking his expressions. Other than that, nicely done. Which leads me to ask if you are writing your characters as (IC - in character with canon) or (OOC - out of character)?

Chapter 4
- You’re writing is quite predictable. For example, Kaiya’s character possess striking features of her parent’s (Kushina’s red hair and Minato’s blue eyes) which makes it easy to guess who her parents are and her relationship to Naruto. I understand that foreshadowing is what you are probably going for but you allude to a lot of things that if left out would create complexity and shock which would make for a more interesting read.

Chapter 5
- Kaiya’s friendship/mentorship of Sakura seemed rushed. They met on two different occasions and are now BFFs. It would seem more genuine if Kaiya got to know Sakura little by little before becoming BFFs.
- Sakura comes off as pushy rather than a concerned teammate with her wanting to know about Sasuke anytime she’s with Kaiya.
- The relentless red flash was very cute but once again I immediately know that the fourth hokage is somewhat going to be related to Kaiya given the fact that he was once called the yellow flash.
- Kaiya sudden outbursts were hard to read but I know that she is passionate and has her mother’s spunk. It would be nice to see her grow and not let her emotions get the best of her.

That’s all and I hope that this does not discourage you from writing. As I said earlier this story is great and has a nice plot. This is just my thoughts on it and is in no way meant to attack you, downplay your work, or make you feel as if what you’ve written is not enough.

On that note, I wish you well and I appreciate the time you’ve taken out to read this review.

Hello Kitsmits,

I’ve just come across your fanfic and I have to say that I love it already. I love OC fanfics and Kaiya is already a fav. I love the relationship she has with Naruto and how she’s portrayed. My absolute fav part was when Naruto introduced Sakura as his girlfriend, lol too funny.

XOXO, be safe.

Fantastic cliffhanger in this one! Really well done.

I like the sparring at the start, as well, and how Kaiya learned not to look into his eyes the hard way. It was also cool how you just touched on the effect the clone's night out had on MainKaiya without dwelling on it. I was wondering how that would work, and you provided the info without slowing the story down at all. Really nice technique!

Updateeeeee xD

God, your stories are are so well adapted to naruto, you've successfully combined everything that makes naruto such a great show (background stories, jutsu stuff, politics, philosophy...) with your own views, story telling and feelings, your hard work is obvious because of the emotional roller-coaster rides... The box got me hard, straight thru the heart

Karin. Its Karin.
Can't wait for more updates on this amazing story

LOVE the rewrite so far! I'm so curious as to what will happen and if it'll be very different to the old TUTN. I really hope the end game couple is still the same though! Love love love your writing and how you weave such detailed narratives. Can't wait for more!

I really love the way you describe everything and the vocabulary used, it feels like words fall gracefully into place. What I don't really like are the flashbacks which are kinda mixed with canon and it gets confusing, also the significant number of characters I don't really know or don't really exist in Naruto lol.
ANYWAY! What I am here for is some steamy romance so I am still not able to figure out if there is going to be some hot stuff going on with Kaiya and Kakashi or Itachi...please let me know lol I am super impatient to find out. XOXO

omg so juicy. save the unknown uzumaki.

Such a cool chapter! I recognize Karin (hard not to) but not the other. I can't wait to see what's going to happen! Are they going to contact Orochimaru or Akatsuki? I think it's more likely to be Orochimaru, since Karin does end up with him and seeing how he can use her Chakra Bite it'd make sense for him to go, and his interest in Kaiya. Obviously, either Orochimaru or Akatsuki (Itachi) would realize that the red-head, Uzumaki from Konoha can only be her.
Can't wait for the next chapter! Hope you and your family are fine.

I really liked this chapter! I can't wait to read the next one and see what will happen in this village... Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you are doing a great job, it's impressive. This fic is definitively one of my favourites in the Naruto Fandom. Thank you so much!

Great chapter wrap up! I really liked the scene with the Hiraishin and her bonding moments with Naruto! Can’t wait to see what comes next!