Jesus Christ on a pogo stick hopping backwards through a corn field naked this was hilarious! I LOVE the way you had that little maggot, Lance (who was in the MOST boring case ever IMO not even Kay could save it - at least Storyteller had Naypoota Sodomy and Reverse Panda banter to amuse me!) written as being insufferable, even as a kid. I would love to your thoughts/see how you write him if he's ever stacked up against Wocky to see which entitled brat is the more snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings! XD (still say my wannabe furry - whom I suspect is semi pants on the head retarded - of "quicker" acclaim though IMO only because I could at least understand the rambling of pudding face and boy band hair). I got a kick out of the way Manfred handled the little punk though. If he wasn't so proper, I reckon he would have screamed something along the lines of: "Shut your festering gob you tit! Your type makes me puke! You vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous pile of platypus puke!"
Nice nod to parks and rec with that Swanson style of ordering! I guess I loved that show a bit too much, because when I grew up I somehow ended up working for my own city in guess which department? Ron would...not be impressed! Also - two grown ass men fighting for the right to Pika! was a riot! I guess one couldn't expect much more from a vampire (nice backstory of Nosferatu's origins btw) who worships Santa though! XD
Nice job, pal.

John Phoenix handsome

john phoenix ugly

"(replace , with .)"

How do I do that?

So... John Phoenix is showing up soon, right? Right?

Pfft! Been a while since i've this fanfic being updated. Even if it's situated before the first game, it really looks canon to me. Thank you for writing this story for the readers. I don't think Gilberta's actually from the franchise but this got me curious to know what she's like.

Jorden Phoenix (my OC) has been exposed for mass plagiarism

proof:
fanfiction,net/topic/225981/180919569/1/
fanfiction,net/s/13598260/1/
fanfiction,net/topic/225981/180906746/1/

(replace , with .)

Holy mother of all things hairy and disgusting CT, you sure went to the Dark Side this chapter! But... men. Sith happens...

Ahem, onto the review. Dark side jokes aside, this chapter was pretty lit! (OK, I'll stop now, I swear!)

Blaise's comically twisted "this little light of mine" parody would easily have fit into our song parody series.

Sebastian's cringeworthy pickup line to Lana had me howling and it tickled the funny bone of my inner 5-year-old who can never get over the amusement of bodily function humor.
I was blown away (and slightly judge) she of alleged Kartrashian booty-full-ness for NOT kicking him no hard in his underaged, unutilized teenage giggle berries (bc I reckon any girl DeWost Jr ever drops trousers for would have an incurable case of said giggles) when he compared her to a bout of flatus! If he was going to make pick up lines based on the back end of things, perhaps he would have fared a tad better had he proclaimed: "You know what they say, Chloe. If you love something you set it free. And when it comes back, you nail it to your keister."

Lana and Gant's escape was epic, as well as the excuses they made amongst themselves for not bothering to go back and rescuing the real Dracula after realizing they grabbed the wrong undead incarnate can best be summarized like this: these incessant rationalizations for our questionable tactics do not, in all honesty, have much merit to them, and yet there remains a very real compulsion to say them! :p

And in the end... we have the periwinkle pisshead's whirlybird mumsy... who btw, reminds me of the overbearing freakshow mom on The Goldbergs (she creeps me out so much I couldn't even watch the show past the first season - she's like reverse Freudian...if she could somehow legally get away with Playing with the box the kids came in with her own sons, she bloody well would have by now...she literally describes them, to their faces and to anyone who will listen, as "delicious!") but in the end...Kharmen the crazier than a caffeine-addled dingo in Sydney maternity ward wins! In fact, I'm just waiting for her to declare: "How DARE you refer to me as a HELICOPTER MOM?! ME?! In THIS wonderful JETPACK?! As if!"

Last... Maple Match.

That is all. That was...EVERYTHING.

My Canadian pride swells with pride at the fabulosity of having my often ignored homeland of tourtiere, Cannuck bacon, poutine, maple syrup mentioned in this riot-fest yet again! This SNAFLATULATING chapter was a lengthy read, but well worth it! You crack me up, buddy! XD

Ah yes, Blaise’s weekly routine... torturing all those unfortunate enough to make him feel a moderate amount of discomfort. Though, I have to say, I found it funny that Blaise, the one who makes people disappear left and right by himself, has to enlist the help of his “friends” to deal with his son. Now that... that says something about Sebastian. And obviously, Blaise can’t make him disappear... because everyone would suspect him instantly.

For once, I can say that I share Fulbright’s sentiment in regards to how sad Chloe’s story is. Seriously, all jokes aside, it just hurts to have her tortured by Blaise. I wonder how long Blaise tortured her before she died. Makes me hate Blaise even more... damn you, Blaise DeWorste!

What a chapter, man. Emotional. That’s incredible.

Cheers,
Muhammad Sban

Well this chapter truly was hilarious and moving. Really liked the parts about Lana's ass being huge and Manfred getting mocked or abused lol. I understand why it took so long for this to come out. Wonder if Franziska's ever gonna be in a future chapter or she still remains in Germany for her studies. Eitherways I'll look forward for the next one.

Lana and Gant having a hot and steaming passion was one heck of a story. Though I hardly thought Manfred would think of that.

Y'know... I thought to one of our loyal readers had come up with the most putrid possible pairing when she missed took your last Dahlstoph song-fic for one where Morgan X Bitchtoff end up Doing the Devil’s Dance... But I have been proven wrong when I threw up even in my own mouth a little at even the mere suggestion of Gant bending Lana over a desk and showing her the 50 states, hilarious as it was! That being said, Ema's big sister has never been mentioned or seen again since that one case; even in fanfictions a sighting of her is rarer than a unicorn, so it was nice to see Lana make an appearance here, and I like the depth you gave to her personality/her and Gant's dynamic in the duration of those hellacious years she was his puppet.

As always, the way you portray the pyromaniac's unfortunate bowl-cutted offspring had me in stitches.

Poor Bassy - he is the eternal case of common sense having taken a holiday and losing its luggage .
I don't want to picture Nosferatu roughing up the suspect with anyone, so I'll leave out the way too obvious unable to come out of the closet joke! :p

A blast as always, pal! Looking forward to the next episode! :)

Good to see this story back! Funny and clever as always, CT!
Though I now have many questions about Chloe’s life. Does she take off her mask to eat and drink? If not, how does she do so? Why are people so accepting of her...condition? What if she has to ask a teacher a question? How the heck is she strong and fast enough to evade Manfred’s stun gun? So many questions.

Blaise's name is wrong. GANT is Debeste.

Objection! Canada, as DJJ680 is amazeballs not only because we legalized weed, but doing so has boosted the munchies/fast food economy considerably, including the increased yen for our to die for the national delicacy that is poutine! Don't knock it till you've tried it pyro man, you arse-smelling wood poker!

Also, we only live in igloos for HALF the year that is winter. The other half is spent playing road hockey until ice hockey season starts again. Then we just skate back home to our snow castles. We're a pragmatic lot that way!

But since we the people of the True North of beauteous nature are such nice, polite people, I'll let it go and move on. Therefore, I shall allow my indignation at Blaise's narrow-minded cultural assumptions to be superseded by my elation at the cameo of Detective BADASS, the most criminally underrated character in the AA universe! His swift retaliation for the blasphemous act of pilfering his beloved stash was sweeter than the most saccharine of lollipops! XD

I cried with laughter at that part, much like I did at ManFART being pranked in a manner that no doubt made him be mentally dubbed as "Prosecutor People Pollution" for a long time after! How the hell did you make Gant so damn likable and hilarious and seemingly the least of the 3 evils?!

I love this story. I can't wait for the next chapter.