oo

Well.. that was terrible.

Any Kirito Argo story is a good one in my opinion. She's such an underrated girl and it's a shame she's developed upon further at all. In regards to your writing, all of your 'paragraphs' are only a line or two long. While no one wants to see gigantic paragraphs since those are hard to look at especially on FF, it would be good to try and group more lines together by putting more action and description between lines of dialogue. It doesn't have to be for every single one, but just scrolling through the fic you can see they're all a line or two

You asked for a little advice, so here’s some from someone who can’t write. Both Argo and Kirito are OOC. Not only is Kirito already with Asuna at this point in the story, Argo isn’t one to just steal Kirito from Asuna. If we assume Asuna doesn’t exist, I expect Argo to violate the ethics code while trying to convince Kirito to turn it off, not ask nicely. Kirito should be spluttering and being a total dimwit. Just as a tip, Argo is someone who breaks the rules, Kirito is one to makes his own. Kirito should be saying no, and Argo should be pushing it until they have some kind of emotional moment.

Another thing. Not every sentence has to be separated. Not every piece of dialogue needs to have “he says/she says” if it’s clear who is talking to who. Action can be chained into paragraphs.

Yes yes yes yes yes yes. More Argo is always necessary. Please write more.