Your Feedback/Grading for Assignment #7

Examiner: Jen

Grade: 16.25/20 - EE (Exceeds Expectations)

Feedback: "I liked that you told the story from Theo's perspective. Not much is known about him, and I like that you've made him your own. His recollection of the Battle of Hogwarts was interesting. I always imagined him as a Death Eater by choice. I liked that you twisted my initial thoughts and had him fight for Potter and the Light side. Also, he accidently killer his father? Dang. Nice job portraying Theo as lost and frustrated after the War. It's easy to see why he would be given that he doesn't have his magic and can't get a job. I liked how he was startled by news of his upcoming marriage to Harry because he didn't listen. That's such a relatable feeling. Nice job showing Theo pushing through his insecurities and doubts and accepting Harry's love for him. Great job portraying Harry. His quiet strength radiated. I liked how tender and almost tentative with Theo he was throughout. He never pushed Theo either and always supported him.

Nice addition of Ginny as well to tie in with the letters. I'm glad that she shed some light on the situation, which led Harry to fix it. Good interactions throughout, particularly the tender moments that Theo and Harry shared during their wedding. Their dance warmed my heart, and I liked that they admitted their love for each other. However, I wanted more interaction between Theo and Harry in the month leading up to their wedding. You told me they went on dates. Describe these dates for me. Why was the first one awkward? Adding more of those details would strengthen their interactions, make this a stronger read and convince me of the pairing more. The arranged marriage aspect with two people being hesitant about it in the beginning and later falling for each other is a cliche trope. However, your pairing choice made this an original read. It's one that I've heard of but haven't read often. You've presented the story in a straightforward, linear fashion that made it easy to read and understand.

I liked that each section was clearly marked. All dialogue was strong throughout and felt natural. There was a good balance between dialogue and prose. With your prose, the line ["You know, people who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think," Potter said on their first official, public date.] stood out. It was lovely and very true. Generally, your story is paced well. However, you've included a lot of scenes into this. Part of me wishes that you would have expanded upon a few. As mentioned above, Theo and Harry went on dates throughout their courtship. I would have loved to read about those to feel their connection developing. Same thing in the scene where Theo meets the Weasleys. Here, you could have shown us Theo interacting with the Weasleys at dinner. Also, you could have him watching Harry interacting with them which could make Theo fall for Harry even more. Same thing with the wedding. I would have loved more details about that. The revelation of Theo and Harry's upcoming marriage happens suddenly. I certainly wasn't expecting it and neither was Theo.

Though, I question whether the change is sudden enough. He had a month to get to know Harry prior to their marriage. Sudden would be if they were married later that day without any chance to get to know each other. Theo's life changes seem to progress gradually as the story continues. I'd say the sudden change would be the hate mail he received after the world found out they were dating. Nevertheless, your pairing choice and focus on Theo makes this an original use of the prompt. It made an impact in that it showed how having Harry in Theo's life changed it for the better. You incorporated a good amount of details into your plot. However, adding more in certain spots would make this a stronger read and convince me of Theo and Harry's growing attraction to each other. See sections above for more information about the missing details. Honestly, I'm not sure I understood why Harry and Theo had to get married in the first place. From what I gather, the Ministry wanted to show unity between both sides. Why specifically did it have to be a marriage between Harry and Theo? And, why Theo? Would it have made more sense for Harry for marry a woman? Though, I suppose that woman would have received hate mail and death threats too. While it's not a plot hole, more solid reasons for their wedding would have eased my confused. Overall though, the story felt complete. I enjoyed Theo's thoughts throughout and his initial reluctance to let Harry into his life. Your idea is great, and I think you've told it mostly well. However, I'm still confused as to why they had to get married in the first place.

Clearing this up and adding some more details in certain spots would convince me of the story more. As is, I'd recommend it to Theo and Harry 'shippers. Good SPaG with no major errors spotted. A few things. Bleedin should be bleeding or bleedin'. Occured should be occurred. Ever growing should be ever-growing. All references to Apparition should be capitalized. [It was a week before the wedding when Theodore finally got to meet Harry's family—or re-meet the people Harry considers family.] considered not considers. Overall though, nothing to distract from your story which was well written. Your prompt was in your A.N., and you were within word count, so you've earned the extra point!"

Oh gosh, I really liked this. The enemies-to-lovers trope is one of my favorites, and it's even better when there's redemption and secrets involved. I wish it could have been longer, so that we would have had time to see their relationship grow! I liked Ginny's honesty in this, and how she wasn't made a bad person for not enduring the letters.

I am so in love with this. HarryTheo has always been a pairing I liked, but this made me want to actively seek them out because *I need more*.
There were so many little details in here that I loved—like Zatvor. I’ve always thought that there must be Wizarding prisons besides Azkaban, but I’ve never delved very deep into that. I’m so glad that you included that.
And the letters. Omg, *the letters*. I never thought about that, how people might stick their noses into Harry’s relationships, but it’s so realistic. My favorite part of this fic was probably how angry Harry was when he realized that Theo was being treated that way. It was so perfect.
The little heart-to-heart with Ginny was perfect too. I love how she was able to recognize the different kinds of love Harry felt for both of them, and how completely unjudgmental she was.
There were so many feels with this. This is an arranged marriage!au that I never imagined, with a pairing I never thought I’d love so much, and I am *so glad* that you wrote this!
Absolutely beautiful, amazing job. Loved it—and you (and, of course, I definitely wouldn’t complain if you were to write a sequel. Or twelve ;) ).

That was a lovely happy story...brief but complete as is. Nice way to finish my evening with a smile and a sigh. Nice pairing also. Don't read it very often but I like it. Theo is always kind of a mystery...good man in a bad family.