Nice. Awesome. I like to make a proposition with you. One I think you may like.

Will anyone point out how similar Stevonnie and Catra's voices are?

A few chapters in and I have a few gripes.

1) Steven is introduced way too early. Lars has no problem getting someone to Steven because of the breakout that conveniently happened as they arrived. They should have worked to get another of the Off-Colors and Lars into the same room to get them to move to Earth.

2) Teleportation technology in She-Ra has dire consequences so Lars being summoned is okay but having 2-way transport is definitely not good because it breaks the rules Mara set up. Lars and Lion are the loop hole and should be the only means of transport.

3) I understand having Catra go out to Earth to stop Rutile from warning Steven, I just don’t like how it was handled. The deception was good I just think it was too early.

If I was to sum it all up in 1 word, I’d say the main problem with this story is rush. Lars is rushed into Etheria, The Off-Colors are rushed into prison, the gang are rushed into a breakout, etc.

My advice, slow down and take some time to explore Lars’ feelings about the world around him. Hordaks rushes information is an example of this.

Feelings hurt. Conflict and betrayals.

And the adventure continues. The Crystal Alliance is a go.

Awesome chapter, The suspense is killing me, hey are you gonna have Steven and She ra fuse? I bet that would take everyone bye surprise. What would they even be called Steve ra?