This is truly an amazing story. Its hard to put down! I want more lol
I have so many questions. Are you going to introduce more minis? How did they actually end up in his basement? A ritual gone wrong? It kinda feels like your building to something thing I am so looking forward to reading more
Candismoke

Well, I give you props! Great story so far!

Good chapters. Love the love.

I was not expecting the feels

farseer x marcus please

Requires more METAL

This is the best Minihammer story in existence! I love that it actually takes itself seriously too. It’ll be interesting to see the Craftworlders and Imperials observe Marcus’s daily life. I’m just curious as to why that imperial guardsman took his own life. Maybe the guard can relate to Marcus since he was in the United States military. I wonder if there’s gonna be an antagonist...maybe a criminal who breaks into the home or maybe a third 40k faction. I’m looking forward to a showdown with the rat.

Thanks for the update :)

I think I got a tear in my eye.

I'm going to fling that away. nsome

Great chapter man, really like how the stories shaping up. Now, the question is if you're going to have something go to shit and have the kid caught up in it. Or we could stay in this limbo state. Either way it's going to be interesting.

thanks for the chapter

Hi, I’m here from the short review game on WA forum. I know nothing about this fandom except that it’s expensive.

I like how you set the scene with little details that build a big picture without over-explaining – funeral clothes, tons of board games which will be definitely familiar to anyone who spends time in game shops, etc. It’s a charming detail that the grandfather only knew his grandson liked games and assumed it meant board games, when it was actually video games.

For some reason, I initially assumed your protagonist was a young child, and I was surprised to read he was twenty-four. I had to reread to see if the dad was 24 or the son. I just suppose that’s because this kind of plot (older relative dying and leaving descendant with cool stuff which will change their life) is common to children’s fiction.

[The basement itself was more a veritable man-cave than anything else.] This sentence contains extraneous words. “Than anything else” is unnecessary, wordy, and awkward. “The basement was a veritable man-cave” is all you need.

[“A large living area that could double as a studio apartment, the walls were…”] Misplaced modifiers. The way this is written, the walls themselves are a large living area.

…And actually, reading that whole scene, the whole scene seems extraneous. It introduced your protagonist’s basement and some information about his relationship with his dad and his career, none of which is immediately relevant. A whole story, but especially the beginning of a story, should be rich with scenes where characters actively do things. Not just chat. The first scene was good (main character was doing something, receiving gifts from his grandpa), the second scene doesn’t have any action.

The text exchange between the two friends was amusing and a good way to show their characterization. The story slows down for a few paragraphs but I livens up again with the alarm! I like how the action persists for the rest of the chapter, but I noticed you use a lot of long and complex sentences, as well as dipping into backstory that is (at least for now) unnecessary. This makes the story feel slow, when it should be fast. For example, you spend half a paragraph explaining how he got his AR-15. It’s super unnecessary and distracting. Just say “his Colt AR-15” instead of “his personal firearm” in the previous paragraph. An average reader could infer that him being a veteran had something to do with why he had it.

Overall, there’s the potential for some interesting stuff here, but a lot of it feels unfocused. I think a really harsh beta reader could help, though I understand if you want to wait for the second draft before that.

This is good.

You know, I was mostly expecting another shitty, toyhammer story. I'm happy to say that my expectations were wrong. This story has been fantastic so far, and has a different take to the whole concept. Well done!

Im getting alot of red flag level questions right now

Good chapter and good story! I just finished reading everything, and I would like to say that I love the fact that you remembered that all Eldars, especially Farseers are alpha psyker plus , with the chaos out of the equation, they can use their powers to the fullest, that means that they are literally the ones who rule the place and possibly the entire planet, since even with their small size we saw in this chapter that they can return to their normal sizes if they focus their powers on it. I would like to say that Marcus made the worst mistake of his life, bringing a 5 year old child to a place where he has imperials and eldars living close to each other in a huge cold war. this will end in disaster and tears, I can already see. at best Celtyra has a weak heart for children and I decided to act like a good, very grumpy big brother. also, i would like to say that i really liked Marcus talking to Celtyra that human beings and Eldars are very similar in many ways, it reminds me that in the new Warhammer canon it was confirmed that humanity and Eldars are part of the same race or are so close that they can have children together, since it is canonical that there are hybrids of Eldars and Humans. this means that it would be very good for Marcus to decide to go after information about the Eldars only to discover the revelation that could break their whole attitude towards humanity, I am sure the Eldars would go crazy when they realized that the ancients created a third race that possibly was the one destined to be his heirs, this explains why the emperor is so strong, the theory that the emperor was created with the help of the ancients has gotten much stronger recently due to C'tan Shard's revelation to Cawl that humans are a direct creation of the ancients. this story has so much potential, in the next chapter we’ll see Marcus with his daughter and him trying to explain to her about the new beings that live in his house after realizing that he brought his daughter into a walking death trap that his house turned into and possibly, I have much hope of that, we will see Marcus make the big reveal after a lot of searching on the Internet to prove to the Eldar that humans are their relatives, possibly of the same race or brothers close enough to have children (it is confirmed that Eldar and Humans can have children together) , honestly i just want to see their face breaking reality, i wouldn't be surprised if they had a tantrum that they hate their creators for creating humanity. this is a great chapter and very much looking forward to the next chapters!

Warning: I use google translator to comment and read!