awesome thx for this very well written

This was absolutely beautiful! I loved it !

That was such a profound and important conversation you gave us. I can't thank you enough!

This is one of those fics where I doubt my review can express how special and good it is, because it is OUTSTANDING! I know how much time and thought you put into it and your dedication is always so admirable and all that results in those wonderful and perfect fics that are so different, but equally awesome all the same!

The first thing I love about this fic is what an extraordinary Harvey story it is. It's literally a study on post-TOT Baby Harvey (and also Donna), and getting him or them in that period IS SO HARD and you just nailed it! (more about that later on, when I scream HARVEY for instance)

The second thing I love about this fic is once again your eye for storytelling; not leaving anything out of sight, always tying up loose ends and seeing the bigger picture. It involved a lot of research with this one, but it was SO WORTH IT and it shows, and I'm so proud of you!
One example and just one aspect of it being the one sentence at the beginning and end of this oneshot that frames the story with the same words. They take you back to the beginning and then go straight for your heart with the next sentence that points out the whole importance of this fic's storyline. Mindblowing!

And there are a lot more things I love about this fic, but I think I'll go through it chronologically now and may have to scream a little bit. Sorry for that in advance!

In that first scene the day before their conversation, I love how Harvey's thoughts wander to Donna now and then (AND TOT OMG) but aren't just about her, but about all the other things that are going on with Jessica and Alex and Louis. It feels so real and human. Amazing!

And then we arrive at the next evening and Donna is there and it's immediately EVERYTHING! It's all SO CLEAR! I can see them, I can hear them. I'm telling you this every time, but I know that it means a lot to you, so I won't stop. XD

"You're back."
"You're here."

"Thanks, Donna."
"Always."

IDIOTS!

"And for just the briefest of seconds she wonders if they would ever be able to go back to the way they were before." KSHDHFKSDK WELL GUESS WHAT

(You know how much I HATE the softest of soft (of course) jazz playing in the background, so I won't say anything more about that. HATE!)

There's this one paragraph that describes their "new normal" so heartbreakingly beautiful:
"For a while (after that one night they had sworn to never talk about), they had wordlessly agreed on taking a break from spending time together once their work was finished. Too fresh were the memories of hungry lips and desperate touches, and too raw the need to have each other like that again to chance fate or temptation by dissolving boundaries with alcohol. They had only recently fallen back into their old ways, with the undeniable change now that his desk remained between them at all times, and that words of flirtation and suggestiveness are banned from their vocabulary when interacting in the solitude and intimacy of his office after nightfall.
Even their fingers don’t brush (when it has been one of the main opportunities for skin on skin contact that they’ve regularly taken advantage of) ..." OMG! I MEAN!

And Donna is SO Donna in checking how everything went and how everyone is doing. She's always looked out for anybody more than for herself. And also in giving advice and reassuring Harvey ("But, Harvey, you made the right choice.") ugh, MY HEART! And you always point out her empathy, directly or indirectly through her actions, which I also love!

The flashback scene wHere Harvey snaps at Donna that he doesn't care if she's coming with him to Bratton Gould always stings, so hearing him apologizing to her again and with such sincerity in this fic is helping with that SO MUCH!
"And I just want to make sure that you know that I’m not taking you for granted.” *cryemojiseverywhere*

"Something she knows she would be able to name if only she wasn’t so adamant on burying it beneath her rules and policies. It’s become a familiar sensation, that tingle; way more familiar than it should be, and she knows she has to work harder on fighting it back in the future, if she wants to protect herself from the heartbreak it would undoubtedly entail." I really think Donna was more aware than Harvey of what was happening and the difference between their perspectives is SO ON POINT!

“To things being back to normal.” KSDJSDHF

“When have I ever not been able to anticipate your wants and needs?” KSHFJDHF DONNA

“You’ve had Tina.”
“Who?” HAHAHAHA the funniest bit of this fic for sure! SO HARVEY

You came up with such a wonderfully working set up for their talk about his mom, the dialogue flows so well from Mark to relationships to the topic of his mom - simply amazing! Also the way you describe how the atmosphere shifts AND THE FREAKING TENSION AND THE EMOTIONS. Yes, this fic is BUZZING with emotions of so many kinds. It's so vivid, even though most of what happens, happens inside their heads and that is one of your many talents that I adore!
And how there are happening three stories at once: the one in Harvey's head, the one in Donna's and their conversation. How they're both very aware of the directions their words and questions can take and how they're both trying to have some kind of control over the situation. I'm not sure this review makes sense anymore lol. You see, so many things to love about this story!

The part about his mother is so painful and heartbreaking and at the same time I feel relieved for Harvey, because he's sharing it with somebody (and that somebody is no other than Donna of course).
"If things were different, she’d reach over the table and take his hand into hers, telling him that it would all be okay. If things were different, she might even walk around the table and close the distance, wrapping her arms around him in a reassuring embrace. Her body - every single nerve ending inside - is tingling with the need and desire to physically comfort him, knowing that she could do. Knowing that he would let her, judging by the lost expression in his eyes. But she couldn’t. No matter how much she wanted to." Yup, this really broke my heart and I had to watch some canon Darvey to make it whole again.

“I think sometimes we just can’t or don’t want to see what’s right in front of our face. To protect ourselves.” JKSDJHF SOS

“But he should have seen it. He should have relieved me from that burden” MY POOR HEART! AND POOR HARVEY SOMEONE HOLD HIM

“That thanks to her, I’ll never have a family of my own.” THE FREAKING PAIN! I NEED ALL THE CANON DARVEY I CAN GET RIGHT NOW

We've talked about the difficuties of that talk, to get the balance right and not have Harvey run away or snap at Donna because of her curiosity, but the result is a masterpiece of a headcanon. Period. I really think this scene/when Harvey told Donna about his mom, is a very very meaningful one and made a big difference for their relationship back then. And you included that significance for them in the story as well. Because it's more a story about Darvey than about Harvey and his mom.

"They hold each other’s gazes wordlessly; everything they would say if they weren’t who they are transpiring between them just like that. They’ll add it to that pile of conversations they should be conducting out loud but are too afraid to do so." Just quoting this here because it's so good.

And when I think the "worst" part of this story is over, you kill me with this: "Because even though they’ve agreed to never mention their night again, to never get close and intimate again; this conversation had felt every bit as intimate as the moment his body had sunk into hers. And with frightening clarity Donna realizes that this kind of intimacy with him might be even more of a downfall for her than sex could ever be. And that there was no going back for her, ever. The thought makes her want to run. To hide. To cry." EXCUSE ME BUT YES ÖAKSHFÖSÄF
AND OF COURSE SHES TURNING AROUND AND HARVEY YOURE A GOOD MAN YOU ARE KIND YOU ARE CARING AND I AM HYPERVENTILATING "...please don’t let your mother’s mistakes define who you think you are… Don’t let them define your future.” WTF THEY ARE MARRIED NOW!

"...beginning to heal." Yes. This.

OOOOFFFF! WHAT A FIC! NATHALIE!
Please never stop rewatching, I'll try to make sure of it. ;)

I'm all over the place and super emotional now after rereading and reviewing, and then I get to your A/N again... *tearyemoji* It's always a pleasure and I'll go cry now. XOXO

This was perfect! I am so sad we will never see relevations like this in a flashback on the show. Scenes like these show so much what inner band they share and what they mean to each other.

Wonderful! I'd love to read more of those moments that we never saw on screen. I hope you can write some more because you do it beautifully

One of the most fascinating things I thought about when reading this, is seeing how hearing Harvey's anger and pain in regards to his mother must have been yet another harsh reality to Donna telling her that he wasn't ready, and may never be. It's such a sad thing and yet, she stayed beside him all of those years because like Harvey and those first fissures that you revealed for us, there was the tiniest bit of hope, both in him choosing her to reveal this to, and in the fact she desperately wanted to see him heal. They were drawn to each other, intuitive healer and person that needed to heal. You showed that push and pull and layered relationship between them so well in this. It's also interesting that this came right after she'd let Mark go to stand beside him. I always love canon moments explored and getting glimpses into their moments we never got. Thanks so much for writing this!

I AM SCREAMING. This is, without doubt, one of the best stories I've ever read. Not only you managed to capture the essence of the characters, but every dialogue, every reaction, every response were spot on.

It cracked me up how Harvey constantly called Mark, "Matt". This is true to Harvey Specter. And Donna's reaction to him not remembering names of people he didn't care about:

"I understand how me coming into your life has only really started your life, but you should at least try and remember some of the names you've worked with. You never know when you might need those people again." -GOLD. SO VERY DONNA.

Then when the conversation turned more serious. Oh gosh, you're so talented. The way you got into the subject:
"Are you serious? He broke up with you on your six-month anniversary? What a dick!"
"How could it ever be your fault?"
"I couldn't give him what he needed."

IT YEETED ME RIGHT INTO THE SUN. I was like "EXCUSE ME DON'T TOUCH ME DON'T LOOK AT ME." but then you escalated it more with this:

"You know, I say screw relationships," Harvey states on his way back, while handing Donna her tumbler. "That's exactly why I don't do them. Someone always ends up getting hurt. Or worse, scarred for life."
"Okay, Harvey, spill it. Which girl was it that broke your heart and messed you up like this?"
"My mother."

HECK I DIDN'T SEE IT COMING BUT I SAW IT COMING LIKE A LANDSLIDE.
I know always say this about fics that are written like they're part of the show, but reading this was like watching it; like watching an episode. An episode that I somehow missed and gosh WHAT A TREAT.

"So, what you're saying is that you never want to have a family? Get married? Have kids?"
YOU HAD TO GO THERE BECAUSE THAT'S THE NATURAL PROGRESSION OF THIS STORY [AND OF THE SHOW] BUT EVERYTHING HURTS AND I'M DYING. And Donna was dying inside too and Harvey was hurting and damn I love how you wrote them after those words. We all knew this was something he wanted so much but his issues prevented him from getting there.

"And I tell you, please don't let your mother's mistakes define who you think you are… Don't let them define your future."
And he didn't let them define his future. [inserts crying emoji] He overcame his fears and now he has a family with the woman he loves. I truly love how you made everything fit like a glove into the show. Like I said, it feels like it's part of it. This was a beautiful read and I thank you for writing it, xx

I love this. Works so well with canon and I think their entire conversation is so poignant and filled with doubts from both of them, while at the same time understanding this isn't the time for them. You did a great job. Thank you for sharing this!

Nathalie - this was perfect. You’ve gave life & breath to how the deep intimacy of Donna and Harvey came to be - something the show always missed, assuming we would be happy with the surface, the hints of how they came to be, but here in this piece of writing you have really really shown us. Thank you.

This made me straight up cry at 2am. I’ve told you a million times how much I love your writing, but girl, when I think you can’t get any better, you prove me wrong. Donna really is the only person Harvey’s always trusted with all his issues and you dove into their feelings flawlessly. This is by far one of the best, well written fics I’ve ever read. I miss them so much and I can only thank you for keeping them alive the way you do. This is canon until proven otherwise!

NATHALIE NATHALIE NATHALIE

How do you DO that? It’s like if Harvey was a parfait and you find a way to get so deep into all his layers.

I feel like I know Harvey. Like I can get in his head and understand him. But what you can do is different somehow. It’s so unique. It’s so you.

You help us understand Harvey is such an intimate way. You show us all the reasons to love him and to accept him not just despise his imperfections but because of them.

You know how I love angst and this fic created so much tension and need and restraint that it gave us angst without anger. It was angst and pain but rooted in something beautiful and unselfish.

You have a gift and so do I. My gift is getting to share in yours.

Love you, Nat.

Godddddd I love the way you write. You convey tension and angst SO well. It’s ridiculous! I loved this. Him opening up about his mom was nice and their conversation about having a family - he’s so closed off and it was so true to how Harvey used to be. Ugh this was so good and then how their intimate conversation made her want to run but it helped Harvey to start healing. Like what? You hit the nail on the head! The last two paragraphs just really made me sit back and go “woah.. damn she’s good” hahaha loved this!

i loved everything about this, it was very touching, so in character. thank you for writing this Nat, your writing is always a gem.

love, Pat

I have already told you how much I love this and we’ve talked in depth about it but what sort of friend would I be to not leave a review! ;)

This insight into not only this flashback from the show, but into Harvey’s past even more and to get a deeper look at how he felt about what his mother did is something we haven’t had enough of so I love that you tackled this topic and especially in the way that you did! The scenario that you put them into to address that topic was so natural and it felt so organic.

I love being able to to get sneak peeks of your work because I love your writing so much and it means so much to me to be a part of your process. But it’s also such an honour because your writing is so good and makes me so inspired and I want to strive to be better because of how beautiful your writing is.

You really nail the characters in here - but especially Harvey. You get him so right here - the vulnerability but then there’s also his cutting off the conversation when he decides he’s had enough. He’s vehement about what he feels and he’s so sure in it and I love that because is demonstrates even more how much he grew into the person he was at the end of the show.

And Donna is classic - gently pushing him to reveal more because it’s the one thing she hasn’t been able to read in him. I love her reactions and her responses to him. It feels real and that’s important.

It’s a superb fic from the plot idea to the characters to the way you incorporate the show dialogue. It all fits and flows perfectly.

Thank you for writing and sharing!

Em xx