What a dumbfuck ass story lmao.

Oh wow. I thought it was an amazing choice, as far as people who are supposed to be untouchable, but I will not argue this deus ex, it's very well done.

The entire club probably needs to watch both series though, as a survival mechanism.

Damn, figures the fun would eventually bring the ugly. Whedon hurts us, he really does.

Enjoyable work, though I really think Xander and Rias need to clear up how they feel to each other

- Clueless
More like a little too trained in that he's considered one of the girls, thus not dating material. (Having had demonically animated corpses declared better dating options than you (twice), will do a number on your self image.)

Course he's forgetting his demonic female magnet status and how that would effect things here.

Koneko and Asia he's seemingly placed in the Dawn category.

Akeno is like Faith, flirty with him, but he's doubting she'd take it anywhere.

That just leaves Rias, he's aware that they have serious chemistry, but doesn't want to get his hopes up, that it wasn't just her desperation to be rid of Riser that was guiding her actions.

Least that's my read on things.

- Dating history
Speaking of which, is Xander now aware of that info revealed in AtS that the Fluke wasn't a fluke, but that he got mojo'ed into cheating on Cordy? (Skip vs. Angel fight.)

Not that he can do anything with the info, but might help with his self image.

- Distant Future
Not sure how feasible this is, but once Xander reaches High or even Ultimate Class, how likely would it be for him to want to mess with the timeline of at least one BtVS variant?

Like converting Kendra by way of Evil Piece, saving Jesse, Janna/Jenny, Joyce, Tara and Anya, maybe even Diana Dormer. Preventing Buffy's swan dive and thus the Spuffy "romance". Preventing Cordy from getting bodyjacked etc etc.

Effecting a certain Halloween, so that rather than regular Soldier Guy, it would be like say Deathstroke the Terminator, US Agent or any other Super Soldier type you could consider.

Or that Willow and/or Cordy go as future versions of themselves. You get the general idea.

Course all of this may be better suited to a sequel.

*shrugs*

- Breakout
Chekhov's gun or red herring that Lord Phenex is behind this?

As it could easily be the Khaos Brigade, as wasn't the Nun defiler who caused Asia troubles part of their ranks and IIRC was the youngest son of one of those in the know?

So snooping around Daddy's paperwork to find out info is definitely a viable angle.

Course dear old Reggie might be a Old Satan supporter instead and simply acting like a Sleeper Agent.

Wait and see, I suppose.

- Kiss
Honestly, surprised she kept it contained to a kiss and didn't mount him right then and there, considering how backed up she is and their obvious sexual chemistry

There's no need for Eros' arrows when it comes to the two of them. The "want" in either of them is akin to Pyrrha Nikos' with Jaune Arc, all it needs is a tipping scale like this kiss and the horses will be off thundering towards the finish line.

*shrugs*

Again, just my interpretation though

- fridgeraiderz
A couple inviting a third party to their bed is something drastically different from actual Netorare. The latter involves cheating and doing things behind their SO's back.

The former is closer to a form of swinging and as permission is granted by both partners and in this case, there'd be no risk of Rias getting knocked up by another, it's about as far away as you can get from Netorare.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Corrections:
*... for fear setting off another Civil War.*

"... fear of setting off ..."

*I hope she forgive my family for the actions of my Son and Husband."*

"... she can forgive ..."

*... the slightest bit of bitterness of Rias' voice, *

"in" not "of".

*What in the Opening of Hellmouth is going?' *

"... going on?"

*... Rias had been possessive of him since the day they met. *

"... they'd met."

*She was very begrudgingly let Akeno have alone time with him. *

"would" not "was".

*... drew on the power of sealed in the Boosted Gear. *

Nuke "of", is the easiest way to correct the sentence.

Nuking "sealed in" would be the other option.

*... was a case good intentions biting everyone in the ass?"*

"... case of good ..."

*... as she had much, much worse when the contract first became an issue.*

"... had said much ..."

*... my husband will be have more leeway with supporting Rias.*

Nuke "be", not needed there.

*... sighed as he gestured to for Rias ...*

Nuke "to", not needed there.

*... pain I has caused you by not openly contesting the marriage.*

"have" not "has".

* I am so sorry I hid everything I did to fight the marriage from ...*

I'd tweak this one slightly to enhance the impact.

" I very much regret that I hid everything I did to fight the marriage from ..."

*... Hell could even think of censor him for it. *

"censoring".

*... celebrate with you I am bringing some disturbing news.*

Comma after "you".

*On guard rotation it was discovered that some unknown parties successful raided Epsilon Facility. *

Rephrase to:
"Upon the guard rotation, it was discovered that some unknown parties have successfully raided Epsilon Facility. "

*... slaughtered if the blood splatter is an indicated."*

"... is any indication.*

*... shower that could you could hold a party in.*

"... shower that you could hold a party in."

*. . and Jacuzzi style hot tub. *

"... and a Jacuzzi ..."

*... Rias admitted with slight giggle.*

"... with a slight ..."

*... but for as much as they gave her they demanded ...*

Comma after "her".

*... that many other nobles ever attained.*

"never" rather than "ever".

*... Rias started to explain but then Xander's ...*

Comma after "explain".

*... Rias replied with through her moans.*

Nuke "with", not needed.

*... I want more time with you before courters try to swoop in.*

"suitors" would work better than "courters".

*... Rias couldn't help but picture the faces of most of the heirs she knew turning green as she explained how she was now engaged to Xander.*

Comma after "green", I think. (Not 100 percent sure on this one, but breathing point and sentence causing do seem to point towards it.)

*Rias was having any of it.*

"wasn't" rather than "was".

Nice first kiss. And it looks like the KFC dad is ploting. I wonder if a the young girl Phoenix will end up falling for a certain sadistic in this world or if it will just be a bit of lust added in which she will struggle with. Anyway looking forward to how things play out.

Some how they reached first base after second. Xander and Rias would be shit at baseball.

I'm not okay with the bisexual part about Rias if she gets with girls and Alexander it's like ntr to me

My moneys on Lord Phenex trying to lead a small army to kill Xander.

"What time is it?" "TOOL TIME!" love home improvement!

Why would stealing sacred gears be a thought? He has no prior knowledge of them being able to be taken or transferred. Nothing mentioned yet has even hinted at the possibility. There was the paragraph info blip about devils, but were they even aware at this point in time?

Ruined

Think I've caught everything, but some may have slipped through due to eye fatigue.

Corrections Chapter 9:
*... than a really should as a stranger," ..."

"... than I really ..."

*Asuma-san hasn't said anything I have heard before,"*

"haven't" rather than "have", otherwise Xander would be learning new swear words and that would be counter to the sentiment he's expressing.

*... and despite uniform it was quite clear ...*

"... and despite her uniform ..."

Corrections Chapter 10
*.. sparing that little brats life when he stole that thrice damned contract! *

"brat's" not "brats".
Possessive over plural.

*Somehow some of it's power remained, ...*

"its" not "it's".
Possessive over contraction.

*... seeing that it was three inches wide and eight wide. *

I take it the latter "wide" is supposed to be "long"?

*It is sweet of you to think of the rest of, Xander-kun.*

"... rest of us, Xander-kun."

*... ice cold as spoke to the Lord Phenex, "*

"... as she spoke .. "

*So likely the woods will little to no defenses to speak of.*

"... will have little ..."

*... as came into the clearing. "*

"... as she came ..."

*Shut up, both you, ...*

"... both of you".

*... that normally was only possibly by Mid-class devils.*

"possible".

*... I more I hear of ...*

"... the more I ..."

*... the floor as he lost group.*

"... lost his grip."

*... usual she wasn't letting show. *

"... letting it show."

*... from the Athletic building at full speed but the shockwave still picked them up ...*

Comma after "speed".

*... really happened some tumbling along ..*

"... happened was some ..."

Correction Chapter 11:
*... the hard way and her parents decided they would, ...*

"... they would as well, ..."

*.../own mind as heard Xander's response. *

"... as she heard ..."

*... t like that in me for few minutes ...*

"... for a few .. "

*He smirked as weapon locked on the heat signature of her wings.*

"... as the weapon ..."

*... asphalt that it was be crushed under ...*

Nuke "be". Not needed at all.

*... from behind Javelin rack. *

"... behind the Javelin ..."

*... sunglasses as well wearing ear muffs. *

"as well as"

*... realized there a picture of him either ...*

"... there was a ..."

*... Ravel Phenex griped as furious melee continued. *

"... as the furious ..."

*While more people would have gone ...*

"most" works better than "more in this case".

*... be Xander weaved out of the way.*

"but" rather than "be".

*The beam did not even paused it continued on ...*

"pause"

*... and exploding in a massive ball of energy ...*

"exploded"

*Only know her day wasn't going well at all, ...*

"now" not "know".

*... as he last bolt of lightning powered ...*

"her" not "he".

*Then it faded a she felt ...*

"... faded as she ..."

*... Kiba replied as was forced to parry a slice *

"... as he was ..."

*I normally can use it in spars, ...*

"can't" rather than "can".

*It seems it is seems it is my ...*

"It seems it is my ..."

*... so hopefull this will work better on your blade." *

"hopefully".

*... as Demonic Sword of Sharpness was shattered ...*

"... as the Demonic".

*The cowardly rear attack that Riser had perform also pissed ..*

"performed"

*Summoning ever bit of willpower he had, ...*

"every"

*... after the other weaken the opposition."*

"others".

*... causing a few more burns in through the man's defenses. *

Nuke "in".
Not needed here.

*... was cleared of all the annoying spot ...*

"spots".

*He was unsure if how long he would be incapacitated ...*

Nuke " if", not necessary there.

*... massive bolts but then the fifth shattered the ...*

Comma after "bolts".

*Looks like you hand things in hand, Akeno-chan," *

"... you had things ..."

*Rias' Queen and remaining Bishop are retire due to overwhelming damage.*

"retired".

*They were lessening in power while he seemed to be unaffected.*

Comma after "power".

*Riser doesn't know what trick you pulled but it won't happen…"*

Comma after "pulled"

*Riser started to say but then his head exploded again this time causing his body to fall backwards.*

Commas after "say" and "again".

*He's not that bright is he?*

Comma after "bright".

*"You are enjoy that, aren't you?"*

"enjoying".

*Riseris getting really tired of…"*

"Riser is ..."

*Rias asked as he looked down and saw that there was some gore and brain matter on her skirt.*

"Rias asked, as Xander looked ..."

*... playfully whined but when he got a glare he sighed, ...*

Comma after "whined"

*Fine, I will let him surrender if he meets my terms."*

Comma after "surrender".

*Now be quiet I want to see my Ria-tan out think her most precious pawn."*

Comma after "quiet".

Think I've caught everything, but some may have slipped through due to eye fatigue.

Corrections Chapter 9:
*... than a really should as a stranger," ..."

"... than I really ..."

*Asuma-san hasn't said anything I have heard before,"*

"haven't" rather than "have", otherwise Xander would be learning new swear words and that would be counter to the sentiment he's expressing.

*... and despite uniform it was quite clear ...*

"... and despite her uniform ..."

Corrections Chapter 10
*.. sparing that little brats life when he stole that thrice damned contract! *

"brat's" not "brats".
Possessive over plural.

*Somehow some of it's power remained, ...*

"its" not "it's".
Possessive over contraction.

*... seeing that it was three inches wide and eight wide. *

I take it the latter "wide" is supposed to be "long"?

*It is sweet of you to think of the rest of, Xander-kun.*

"... rest of us, Xander-kun."

*... ice cold as spoke to the Lord Phenex, "*

"... as she spoke .. "

*So likely the woods will little to no defenses to speak of.*

"... will have little ..."

*... as came into the clearing. "*

"... as she came ..."

*Shut up, both you, ...*

"... both of you".

*... that normally was only possibly by Mid-class devils.*

"possible".

*... I more I hear of ...*

"... the more I ..."

*... the floor as he lost group.*

"... lost his grip."

*... usual she wasn't letting show. *

"... letting it show."

*... from the Athletic building at full speed but the shockwave still picked them up ...*

Comma after "speed".

*... really happened some tumbling along ..*

"... happened was some ..."

Correction Chapter 11:
*... the hard way and her parents decided they would, ...*

"... they would as well, ..."

*.../own mind as heard Xander's response. *

"... as she heard ..."

*... t like that in me for few minutes ...*

"... for a few .. "

*He smirked as weapon locked on the heat signature of her wings.*

"... as the weapon ..."

*... asphalt that it was be crushed under ...*

Nuke "be". Not needed at all.

*... from behind Javelin rack. *

"... behind the Javelin ..."

*... sunglasses as well wearing ear muffs. *

"as well as"

*... realized there a picture of him either ...*

"... there was a ..."

*... Ravel Phenex griped as furious melee continued. *

"... as the furious ..."

*While more people would have gone ...*

"most" works better than "more in this case".

*... be Xander weaved out of the way.*

"but" rather than "be".

*The beam did not even paused it continued on ...*

"pause"

*... and exploding in a massive ball of energy ...*

"exploded"

*Only know her day wasn't going well at all, ...*

"now" not "know".

*... as he last bolt of lightning powered ...*

"her" not "he".

*Then it faded a she felt ...*

"... faded as she ..."

*... Kiba replied as was forced to parry a slice *

"... as he was ..."

*I normally can use it in spars, ...*

"can't" rather than "can".

*It seems it is seems it is my ...*

"It seems it is my ..."

*... so hopefull this will work better on your blade." *

"hopefully".

*... as Demonic Sword of Sharpness was shattered ...*

"... as the Demonic".

*The cowardly rear attack that Riser had perform also pissed ..*

"performed"

*Summoning ever bit of willpower he had, ...*

"every"

*... after the other weaken the opposition."*

"others".

*... causing a few more burns in through the man's defenses. *

Nuke "in".
Not needed here.

*... was cleared of all the annoying spot ...*

"spots".

*He was unsure if how long he would be incapacitated ...*

Nuke " if", not necessary there.

*... massive bolts but then the fifth shattered the ...*

Comma after "bolts".

*Looks like you hand things in hand, Akeno-chan," *

"... you had things ..."

*Rias' Queen and remaining Bishop are retire due to overwhelming damage.*

"retired".

*They were lessening in power while he seemed to be unaffected.*

Comma after "power".

*Riser doesn't know what trick you pulled but it won't happen…"*

Comma after "pulled"

*Riser started to say but then his head exploded again this time causing his body to fall backwards.*

Commas after "say" and "again".

*He's not that bright is he?*

Comma after "bright".

*"You are enjoy that, aren't you?"*

"enjoying".

*Riseris getting really tired of…"*

"Riser is ..."

*Rias asked as he looked down and saw that there was some gore and brain matter on her skirt.*

"Rias asked, as Xander looked ..."

*... playfully whined but when he got a glare he sighed, ...*

Comma after "whined"

*Fine, I will let him surrender if he meets my terms."*

Comma after "surrender".

*Now be quiet I want to see my Ria-tan out think her most precious pawn."*

Comma after "quiet".

Well, considering the speed with which you've done the last three chapters, this is going to be a consolidated review of them. (Also splitting off the corrections into another review.)

- Mistakes
Zeoticus REALLY should've told Rias about the particulars with regards to the contract and how it was obtained.

After all, there's a difference between public and private "face". One can say something in public, due to duty or obligation, while completely hating it in private. Or at the least let his wife or even Grayfia explain things, if he felt himself bound enough to be unable to do any of this.

That way it wouldn't have been like a sword of Damocles over the head of their relationship.

Heck, I was all in favour of assassinating him so she could become the new head immediately and terminate the contract that way.

As depending upon phrasing it could've been about Rias the Heiress not Rias the Head of House as those would be two different legal entities. (Similar to how Lord Potter and Lord Black are two different legal entities, even if in both cases his name is Harry James Potter-Black.)

Would've meant losing some political clout, but there's a difference between forcing an Heiress to do something and a Head. As the latter would set precedent that could be used against their Houses as well and Nobility is always leery of such actions.

As in my mind if Zeoticus wanted to act like an Old Satanist, "Tradition Über Allies", than he would be treated as one and eliminated.

Which would've put the other Houses on notice that their own younger generation might have similar ideas as well and that it would be more prudent to back off on some of their own rigidity, lest they risk another Civil War with the 4 Maou firmly on the side of the rebels this time.

As it's the Pure Blooded morons who are causing incredible stresses on Devil Society with their intransigence and thus causing a lot of needless work for the Four and they're probably sick of having to put up with it.

Least that's my read of Devil politics anyway.

*shrugs*

- Sairaorg
I think Sona is slightly overstating things.

As: A) killing your sparring partners is poor form, so it wouldn't be an all out fight.

B) Rias is one of the few family members he actually likes. Sure, he'll
probably give Xander the shovel speech, but offing the guy his favourite cousin is besotted by?

Seems very unlikely, as that would make Rias sad and hate his guts in return.

Now regularly sparring with the guy and making him even stronger? That's a different ballgame. (Granted, Xander will most likely need Asia's services to recover after each time, but to quote Jane Fonda "no pain, no gain".)

- Koneko
Abd it seems that folks are overlooking that she was only KO'ed from an overcharged attack, which should've vaporized her (Rook durability or not), as Yubs wasn't willing to take any chances with the Xan-Man.

Seems to me that the hi-ates worked fine. They survived attacks that should've killed them instantly.

*shrugs*

- Battles
They were highly amusing and had me grinning. Akeno's new technique rather surprised me, but it can indeed be considered a mercy "kill" technique, which is yet another surprise in a way.

Sure, it's humiliating, but nowhere near as bloodthirsty/zap happy as she normally is.

- Folly
Which brings me to the folly and idiocy of Daddy Phenex. Akeno could've Longbottomed Ravel by keeping up the pain neuron overload tactic a la what was done to Frank and Alice.

Doesn"t matter if the body can take the punishment and heal it, if the mind shatters and is shut down permanently.

Riser was showing a good example of that in the end, though not to the point where Ravel could've been driven as in vegetative state. So yeah, bad parenting there. (Also interesting hypothesis on the possible reason for the IQ drop. Seems feasible enough.)

- Confiscated Phoenix Tear
So this will probably end up as a Chekhov's gun in the future, unless he's asked to return it.

- Chastity
Xander will need to "fear" for his. Rias is no longer engaged and will be VERY thankful for that, combine that with already being attracted to him.

Yeah, she might take it slow for her first time, but I suspect she'll be channeling Anya in the end. Wanting lots and of orgasms.

Also I vaguely recall Anya saying something about the benefits of two Xander's due to that Ferula Gemini staff (think that was the name) incident, when he was split into two differing personalities.

And the X-Man now knows a Clone technique.

*wiggles eyebrows*

Anya would be very jealous. ;-P