Hay can you make a fanfic about yukino and hachiman being childhood friends who has not seen each other for years until highschool plssssss. Great story by the way love it.

Really enjoy your style of writing,
but what a terrible place to end a chapter. I hope more is forthcoming!

Nice chapter

Just wanted to share: I listened to the songs that are in the The Vibe 98.8 radio channel in the GTA IV video game while typing this review. Man, I love GTA IV. I have zero interest in all of the other ones; I recently bought and played GTA V and found it to be soulless in terms of its story and characters; I felt nothing for any of them.

“based on films like The Terminal and Lost in Translation”
Hmm. I’ve seen The Terminal, but not the other one. Not one of my favorite Tom Hanks movies, but I suppose with the simple plot it was just going to be what it is; a nice little drama.

“I had expected some kind of argument”
In a way, it is bad that there wasn’t one. Still, it shows that Saki understands her boyfriend more than he probably knew or realized.
“some other nondescript gesture of apology”
But he wouldn’t do that as he would in some way be insulting her.
“I found myself caught somewhere between conscious and unconscious”
I love this. Hachiman really is the sort of person to obsess over matters like this.
“I dreamed of Yukinoshita Yukino”
She just isn’t someone that you forget, which is both good and bad for her.
“I never dreamed of her the way that I dream of another”
In Oregairu, they are rivals, not friends. I am very curious to see how their relationship would develop in this story.
“her eyes…they didn’t belong to Saki”
This isn’t romantic; it’s horrifying.
“said, in Saki’s voice, My name is Yukinoshita Yukino”
I won’t lie, GOF; I really, really, really hope that one day I would read an Oregairu/Altered Carbon crossover that is written by you.
“My girlfriend wasn’t there. She had gone for another run”
I wonder what she did and what she felt upon waking up and seeing him next to her.
“the necessity of reassuring her that it was no fault of her own”
…Hachiman and Saki’s relationship is in danger. And they both know it. They love each other fiercely and intensely, and it only makes it worse, not better.
“I tried to push away the other problem. Saki had to be my first concern”
LAPD Lieutenant Vincent Hana: (to Neil McCauley) ‘I got a wife. We’re passing each other on the down-slope of a marriage – my third – because I spend all my time chasing guys like you around the block.’
“my dreams seemed to contradict that”
This story really is a psychological thriller. Hachiman doesn’t love Yukino, at least not at this point.
“I looked up the Yukinoshita family”
I wonder if instead of pushing Hachiman not to delve deeper into the case, if Saki would instead choose to help him. If he’s going to try to help Yukino no matter what, she may decide that she may as well ensure that he sees it through.
“with someone you love is far more galling than with someone you hate”
Statistically, you are more likely to be beaten, robbed or killed by a person whom you love than by a person you hate.
“She sounded relieved just to hear my voice”
I wonder if Saki is a subject of rumors or gossip among the staff/faculty at her workplace.
“They’ve been wealthy for generations”
I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the people in the Yukinoshita family tree were scumbags or even monsters. It only makes Yukino and Haruno themselves more interesting.
“Yukinoshita Haruno is the first I could see whose become a model, though”
Saki has a much sharper mind than she gives herself credit for. Honestly, I’d say she’s wasted as a school teacher…but on the other edge of the knife, working in law enforcement may not only cause her to witness or experience horrific things but also bring out a side of her that she herself may not be fully aware of. In my opinion, Kawasaki Saki would be absolutely terrifying if her morality were to plummet and she were to become a horrible person. Just like Yukino, actually; there is more than one Oregairu fanfic in which Yukino is a murderous psychopath, and worst of all, the premise is all too believable. Yukino wants to make the world a better place…
Also, Haruno is an awesome character.
“She said Haruno-san sarcastically”
Come to think of it, Saki to my knowledge never interacts once with Haruno in Oregairu.
“aghast that my curiosity was getting the better of me once more”
It can be argued that there is a sickness in Hikigaya Hachiman; many people would find it considerably easier to put the matter out of their mind. Hachiman on the other hand became consumed by it.
“in a car crash…Haruno-san was in the car at the same time”
…Jesus Christ. What the hell happened?
“even if things would be better that way”
I smiled at this. Of course Saki fell for him.
“You shouldn’t just accept that about me…you expect me to control something like that?”
Saki in Oregairu doesn’t seem to have any problem at all with Hachiman being the way he is (and neither does Iroha for that matter). I love the different dynamics that Hachiman has with all four of his love interests.
“Don’t forgive me so easily…Oh shut up, you idiot”
Ha!
“She thought her place in my heart could be refilled at a moment’s notice”
This is bad…she needs to sort out her own issues, and may need someone other than Hachiman to help her with them. I wonder if Taishi lives anywhere within travelling distance of them.
“Her breath hitched”
She can still be surprised by how much Hachiman loves and cherishes her. However, I suspect that Saki herself also has something that she loves more than Hachiman, or anything or anyone else for that matter.
“We only started speaking again once the apartment door was closed”
It’s their own private realm. In that apartment, they can shut out the world. We need more Oregairu stories that focus on Kawasaki. There are some, but in my opinion not enough. (looks at Iroha) Her too!
“how irreplaceable she had become”
Yukino recognizes that Hachiman is deeply in love with Saki, and probably hates herself for the adverse effect that her involvement in their lives has caused. Is she to blame? Perhaps partially, or perhaps not at all.
“were it not for the charm and chemistry of the two leads”
More than a few people state that in the movie A Knight’s Tale (2001), the character of Kate has better chemistry with William Thatcher than Jocelyn does.
“the sheltered familiarity of the film”
(looks at my favorite movies being Lord of War (2005), Heat (1995), Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas (1998), and Snatch (2000)) (shrugs) I wonder what the favorite movies and TV series of characters like Hayato, Yukino, Miura, Yui, Ebina, Totsuka, Iroha and Meguri are.
“Haruno was starring as the lead in a rom-com just like this one”
Said it before; you could write an entire story arc or heck, even an entire fanfic centered around the premise of light novel-author Hachiman and other characters being involved in the project for the upcoming Love & Coffee anime.
“after various misdemeanours in the airport”
Ha!
“How did…How did…What about”
I despise the practice of dismissing everything in a story by saying, ‘It’s just a movie/TV show/book.’ I laughed when I found on Youtube a comment thread in which someone used that phrase to refer to the goddamn The Wire TV series. Needless to say, that person was lambasted hard by the replying comments.
“its afterburn…has become like a scar to me”
Your writing is hauntingly beautiful to read, GOF. I’m still fascinated by the thought of a hypothetical original novel series using the story and characters of L Etsuji, Kagami, Mei and Akane.
“I knew that even then”
He has had sexual relations with a total of two people in this story; a drunken and unpleasant one night stand with a stranger, and with Saki. I am curious of how the first one may have affected him in the long-term. By the way, I love the Mindhunter TV series. Can’t wait for Season 3.
“We didn’t speak about the incident, and kissed each other whenever it seemed like we might”
Saki is not stupid. She knows that sooner or later, Hachiman would involve himself again. All she asks is that he keeps her in the loop.
“the photo was still in my workbag”
The instinct of a True Detective; it kept nagging at Hachiman’s mind, telling him that something is not quite right about that photo.
“my sister’s living situation was far more unstable than my own”
Dammit, GOF, why’d you have to make Komachi just as interesting if not more than Hachiman?!
“waltzing between jobs”
She is JUST as cynical and misanthropic as her brother and may be even MORE damaged than he is. Hachiman in this story at least has Saki. Komachi on the other hand…
“Komachi’s innumerable apartments”
I love this.
“disheveled hair and hastily thrown on bathrobe”
…man. Komachi’s life is a mess. The Hikigaya siblings really are something.
“a stash of indecent manga”
This made me laugh remembering Fred Jones’ obsession with traps in Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated.
“planted herself beside me, still smiling infectiously”
She has been affected by him no longer living in the same residence as her.
“very aware of the change in her reaction”
Hachiman is a scary person sometimes. There is not much that gets past him.
“Most of the guys you hook up with don’t last a day”
Komachi in this story is a puzzle to me. She changes residences, jobs, and romances frequently.
“No. I’m not in love”
Honestly, what would it take to win Komachi’s heart?
“I could never get used to it being that long”
Hmm. Yukino or Kawasaki cutting their hair, Yui or Iroha letting their hair grow…it’s remarkable how different a character could look with just one or a few changes. Megumi Kato in Saekano springs to mind.
“Vows were being broken too often for my liking”
I wonder what Hachiman would think of the city of Rapture in the Bioshock series, or just of Ayn Rand. In my opinion, Ayn Rand is delusional; there is no such thing as a perfect society or system. And Isshiki Iroha recognizes that and exploits the imperfections and flaws to her advantage.
“one of the worst sellers on the floor”
Kiyoshi is already an interesting character to me.
“Socially awkward, messy suit…hasn’t quite given up on other people yet”
I am very curious of how you would write a story in which Hachiman is in a romance with Iroha. Being with a person whom she loves dearly…Iroha in my opinion would absolutely do amoral or even despicable things to better the life of her beloved. She wants Hachiman to get better treatment, pay, a promotion, etc at work? She may scheme to get other employees fired, or to blackmail the boss, or worse. (shudders) That is one scary kouhai.
Hachiman: ‘I got promoted to management-level today. You wouldn’t have had anything to do with that, would you?’
Iroha: ‘No idea what you’re talking about, Senpai.’
“No one dislikes him since he’s so nice and…harmless, I guess”
I’m paranoid and suspicious already…
“so I made an extra effort to be nice to him”
Out of pity, or just to manipulate people into seeing her as a nice person? I do not see either Hachiman or Komachi as good or nice people.
“Those kind of guys are the worst…Nine times out of ten, they just end up making you feel unwanted”
Hachiman’s that sort of person in my opinion. He really is not someone to have casual relationships, flings or one-night stands.
“Right then and there, after we’d finished”
In my opinion, anything that a person states or claims during sex or shortly after it had happened should be taken with a grain of salt. Nobody ever truly thinks clearly in moments like that.
“…That…must have been…What did you do?”
…yeah. In my opinion, Komachi and Kiyoshi are both at fault here.
“Love doesn’t work like that”
I agree. It’s a choice, not a feeling.
“Just one night, or even one glance?”
(looks at Yukino) …
I might as well share it; I’ve recently watched the entire Your Lie in April anime. And…I didn’t like it. Didn’t dislike it either, but I could not get invested in any of the characters, least of all Kaori.
“I hadn’t intended to confide in my sister about the Yukinoshitas”
Komachi knows him too well.
“It was like she was barely even alive”
I thought of the moment in Unmade by SouBU in which Detective Hikigaya finds a group of girls in a shipping container.
“you’re not planning on meeting him again, are you?”
If Kiyoshi is obsessed with Komachi…
“Alongside the storm came echoes”
It is fascinating how one’s environment could cause flashes or inspiration or realization to spark in one’s mind.
“There she was…Real as anything”
…what the hell is happening to Hachiman? Why could he alone (other than Haruno it seems) see, hear and speak to Yukino?
“I couldn’t stop myself any longer”
The mystery thickens. Dammit…he was always going to throw himself back in.
“My head was ringing so loud”
This story is terrifying and amazing at the same time.
“When they opened again, I was no longer alone”
…how did she find him? Or has she been following him all this time?
“I’ve let you too far into my head”
Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham in the Hannibal TV series.

Hey, hold on thar! I've got a BIG beef with this chapter and with you! You know what the problem is?! PURPLE EYES! You went with the inferior S2 purple eyes, everyone knows green eyed S1 Saki-Saki is the bestest!

Looking forward to conversation with the Ice Queen, I'm wondering if it was "the accident" of canon when Hachiman was there.

Listening to this as I start the review:

If You Need The Most Awesome Violin Music, Hear This • "FORGOTTEN ODES" by Eternal Eclipse (by Epic Music World on Youtube)

Then this:

Film Noir Background Music for Videos I Noir Jazz Playlist I No Copyright Music (by MrSnooze I Background Music for Videos on Youtube)

“Making them purple instead of blue also distinguished her from Yukino more”
I dunno, I think it would be better if they have the same eye color. It would be interesting for Hachiman to compare the impressions and feelings that making eye contact with the sisters give off.

“the tired and trusted habit of unloading our troubles to each other”
The moment she learnt of what was troubling him, Saki probably knew that Hachiman wouldn’t just let the matter rest, but pursue it to the bitter end, even without her approval. Just like in Broken Glass, there is something that Hikigaya Hachiman values more than anything or anyone else in the world.
“we had agreed never to lie”
Gregory House: ‘It’s a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what.’
“If I saw her”
But she cannot, can she? That’s going to make everything a whole lot more complicated.
“been with me long enough to know what would coax it out of me”
This made me smile.
“I don’t think I’d felt so oppressively awake since middle school”
His experiences in middle school were traumatizing for him…
“In the months she’d spent coming to terms with…it had been rarer for me to find her in bed”
(sigh) She needs time to herself, Hachiman. There are some battles that only she can fight. You cannot fight them for her. Just make sure she knows that you’re in her corner.
“echoing up from the street”
Wow, Saki really is angry.
“still sweating in her jogging gear”
Saki is not stupid. She listened to Hachiman’s account, saw the expensively-dressed man while jogging, and put two and two together.
“not everyone is out to steal me from you”
She finds it endearing, doesn’t she?
“Even if we did, I’d tell her straight afterwards”
This made me smile.
“one of Yukinoshita-sama’s assistants for several years now”
Imagine working with someone like Haruno every day. In this story, her sister is dead, but a shade of her lingers on Earth, apparently chained to a certain maximum distance to Haruno…
“That’s a little late, isn’t it?”
What is Haruno up to?
“Fame of her sort brings a degree of attention”
Haruno is trouble. Hachiman WILL be seen with her, in my opinion.
“Hikigaya-kun only”
This worries me.
“I just wouldn’t want to…accuse you”
She KNOWS that he is not someone to commit adultery, yet the fear STILL entered her mind. Why is that?
“But even so, definitely not”
But she likely knew deep down that he would be going to that meeting…
“Not your best line, Hachiman”
Their dynamic and back-and-forth dialogue is so good. You’re right, Hachiman and Saki would have the most stable and smooth relationship. (looks at Iroha) She’s still my favorite though.
“moved through the gears of teaching…waiting for the schoolday to be over”
He only became a teacher because of Saki.
…she feels that she is holding him back, isn’t she? This makes me think of Tomoya and Eriri in How to Raise a Boring Girlfriend.
“like the hand of an obnoxiously eager student”
Ha! Man, Hachiman really is obsessed with Saki. He thinks the world of her and would rather be with her than without.
“I prided myself on upholding promises”
Why then did he break his promise to Saki? Why indeed. In my opinion, Saki in this story may know Hachiman better than he knows himself.
“thought this was all somehow predetermined”
Yukino in this story worries me. She is not the same Yukino from Oregairu, and I’m not just talking about the ghost/spirit/whatever-she-is form.
“I only really succeeded in bringing them closer together”
This story gives me such a strong feeling of foreboding.
“when will you be back”
She knows. She knows that something is happening that she may not be able to stop. This is something supernatural and directly involves the man she loves. Even if Hachiman tries to stay away from the Yukinoshitas, fate may not allow him to.
“Without thinking, I walked over, nearly bumping into”
Hachiman is an addict, in my opinion. It is one of the reasons that it is so difficult to grow close to him in Oregairu. (looks at Zaimokuza) Hmm.
“What a man can’t resist”
Haruno being a model. Huh. Which other Oregairu characters could become models?
“the chill it sent down my spine was identical”
The hook is in him now. He cannot escape this case, no matter how badly he may want to.
“Yurei no On’nanoko”
Haruno chose this café for a reason. Also, yeah, this made me think of Love & Coffee.
“something else from the back of the café that, bizarrely, might have been gasoline”
Why do I suspect that Yukino may have something to do with that?
“have often used our café as a meeting place”
Uh-oh.
“all we would need to identify you”
Haruno really is a scary person. Imagine having someone like that for an older sibling.
“Tawada Yoko’s The Last Children of Tokyo”
I wonder what Saki feels if/when she sees the book.
“but I didn’t check them”
She knows him too well. She knows that he’s broken his promise and hates himself for it.
“The desperation”
He cannot let this go, and he knows it. Honestly, GOF, you are perhaps the first writer I’ve come across in the Oregairu-fanficdom who explores via story-writing this sickness in Hikigaya Hachiman that is both one of his most pure and admirable and at the same time one of his most damning and horrific flaws; his obsession and devotion to the truth.
“You…you can see me”
Will Graham: ‘I am who I’ve always been. The scales have just fallen from my eyes. I CAN SEE YOU NOW.’
Hannibal Lecter: ‘…what do you see?’
“He didn’t remerge for a good five minutes”
Haruno’s probably having strong words with the staff. I’m guessing she does not want word of this meeting to get out. Honestly, if rumors were to spread that she is meeting a man late at night, it may raise eyebrows that she does not wish to be raised. She is taking a risk to meet him like this.
“grotesquely huge black sunglasses”
Ha!
“You may call me Haruno if you wish, Hachiman”
Yukino’s older sis, ladies and gentlemen.
“It must have been years since”
Haruno is disrupting Hachiman’s life, and she knows it. At the same time, nobody forced Hachiman to go to this meeting.
“I hope I didn’t disturb you”
Haruno is trouble, and both Hachiman and Saki know it.
“Now, she does very little of anything”
…
“The creases through the middle told me”
You and Saki should have become cops, Hachiman. Damn, now I want that story; Officers or Detectives Hikigaya and Kawasaki working in the same department. They do not necessarily have to be in a romantic relationship with each other either nor be each other’s assigned partner.
“The blood red ribbons”
If he’s in, he’s in all the way. Learn everything he can about Yukino; her childhood, background, where she went, what she did, and the details of her death.
“they still bore the loneliness”
Haruno could not alleviate that…or she wouldn’t. In this story, Yukino died before she could ever meet Hachiman or Yui.
“as if she were nothing more than an afterthought”
Haruno is not a good person…and neither is Hachiman for that matter.
“She looked delighted”
Saki had found love. Haruno hasn’t, apparently.
“at last, this was the point”
It almost seems like it’s pathological; that Haruno just cannot stop herself from being cruel and mocking to others in her speech.
“The world has been very unkind to her”
Does ‘the world’ include you as well, Haruno?
“the hint of the uncanny”
Yukino is frightening in this story.
“enjoyed this as much as me”
Haruno is sick. She needs help.
“It was you who was leaving a minute ago”
And whose fault is that, Haruno?
“You think she’s mentally ill?”
There are Oregairu fanfics in which Yukino is a violent psychopath. I find them to be terrifyingly believable. Yukinoshita Yukino is a dangerous person. Who knows what she could have become if her circumstances in Oregairu had changed.
“when it did, removing them was out of the question”
This made me smile. Hachiman literally loves too much.
“night had encroached”
Please tell me that Saki and Hachiman both live through this story.
“whenever I spoke to her from there onwards, would shrink from meeting my gaze as an equal”
He is an adult, and she is – in physical form at least – a teenage girl.
“She would tell me it was out of fear”
The only person other than Haruno (apparently) who could interact with her. No wonder she is afraid.
“just the one who happened to wave at her when she felt that nobody would”
(sigh) Figures. Hachiman has a knack for unintentionally causing women to develop feelings for him.
“it was patronizing and shallow”
He has no idea what he is doing, and he knows it.
“Her reaction was subtle, but painstaking”
She is obsessed with a man who already is with another.
“a kind of earnest conviction”
She is like no one else that he has ever met.
“the image of Saki in our apartment”
…what if he loses that image?
“have the decency to ask outright”
How frustrated do police officers become when somebody wants their help but refuses to tell them everything? (looks at House MD) Hmm.
“must have been acceptance”
(looks at Kawasaki) If he had been more callous and self-centered, he would not have gotten further involved with the Yukinoshitas. At the same time, the same qualities that Hachiman has that caused him to get further involved are probably ones that contributed to Saki growing to love him.
“humans are creatures of empathy, where they like it or not”
I disagree with Hachiman here. From experience, I can say that there are a depressingly large number of people who have little to no empathy whatsoever for others.
“She gasped, and the wan glisten of her eyes re-appeared”
(sigh) Why must writers be so cruel? I suppose it’s a necessary quality to be a good writer.

“My daily journey to work took no longer than a half hour”
Is it really just a coincidence that Yukino and Haruno happened to be within Hachiman’s usual route that fateful day? For all I know, Haruno might have gone to great pains to find a way to help her (apparently) deceased sister.
“I’d be patently aware that”
He knew that Saki wouldn’t want him to delve deeper into the mystery, but he just could not stop himself from doing so anyway. I get the feeling that Saki knew that he was always going to go to the meeting with Haruno no matter what.
“full of bratty teenagers”
He does not seem to enjoy his job. (looks at Shizuka) There is no doubt that she has favorites, though she does not show it in public.
“how much I still had to learn where teaching was concerned”
He and Saki having similar jobs probably helps them to relate to and help each other. Also, it cannot be easy for Saki teaching classes full of children while knowing that she cannot ever bear children of her own.
“I’m not sure he imagined himself amounting to anything”
I can do that for ya, Hachiman; policeman, federal agent, P.I. , mangaka, light novel author or history teacher/professor.
“my main motivation for becoming a teacher was to follow Saki”
…it is clear that she believes that she is holding Hachiman back; that his love for her is keeping him from building a family or a career.
“I would have done a lot more to follow her”
I suspect that if Hachiman keeps pursuing the Yukino-case, it would NOT be the main reason for Saki possibly leaving him. It is obvious that she loves him very much and that love may be what makes her decide that leaving him would be best. But that is just one of many possible developments in this story.
“convinced himself he was better off alone”
I wonder what it would be like to follow a story in which, in Sobu High, instead of Yui and Yukino (who I believe would still become best friends regardless), the two girls whom Hachiman spends the most time around are Saki and Iroha. In my opinion, that would mean that the character development of all five characters would be different.
“made her teachers feel like inferior insects, just as she did everyone else”
Hayato knows how to disarm and put people at ease with words and smiles. Yukino…doesn’t. Rather than give false reassurances, Yukino instead tells people that they CAN be as skilled as she is if they would only put in the effort. Unfortunately, she comes off as arrogant in that regard.
“the whole f-king menagerie”
I imagined Hachiman being the narrator and main character of a crime-genre series like Narcos or Narcos: Mexico.
“gushing middle-aged women and teenage girls”
Haruno’s demographic.
“the only woman capable of penetrating my fantasies was Saki”
Saki isn’t stupid. She knows that Hachiman is not interested in Haruno, romantically or sexually. That does not mean that Haruno isn’t trouble; she asked to meet him after he encountered the ghost(?) of her dead sister. Saki knows that something bad may happen if Hachiman delves deeper. But like Broken Glass, Hachiman may not be able to stop himself even if he is aware of the consequences.
“like two samurai in the climactic stare down of a Kurosawa flic”
Sanjuro!
“The one on the sidewalk next to the park”
How is it that ONLY he other than her own family could see and hear her?
“she meant something completely separate to anyone else I have ever met”
I absolutely love your writing of Yukino throughout all your stories. I’ll be honest, though, I am curious of how you would write Isshiki Iroha. How would you describe Hachiman’s perception and opinions of her?
“tied around her neck like an old blood stain”
Something tells me that this may be significant.
“she caught my attention immediately”
Of course. Now that I think of it, Hachiman would probably do well in the private security sector.
“this will make little sense”
It is the job of an investigator to gather facts and put them together to form a story that makes sense.
“and there’s nothing more absurd than that”
Ha! Hachiman and Saki did NOT love each other at first. They liked each other, slowly grew to love each other, then after some time decided that yes, they want to and CAN spend the rest of their lives together.
“piteously lonely”
Could Haruno communicate with her?
“as if this was something to be proud of”
Never change, Yukino.
“My first sight of her”
Without Yui, this is going to be VERY difficult for Hachiman.
“as if she were nothing special”
Ha!
“wealthy alumni”
Hmm.
“probably not been touched since the 1930s”
Season 4 of The Wire.
“I wanted my time back at the apartment to belong solely to Saki”
She is his home, not that apartment.
“the essays so poorly written they gave even my own school assignments a run for their money”
Ouch. Man, Izumi sucks. Also, Saki being his girlfriend would be more than enough to cause Hachiman to be a topic of conversation among the staff/faculty.
“Komachi’s name blinking on the screen”
I wonder what Komachi thinks of Saki. In Oregairu, it is Saki who has Komachi’s vote to become her brother’s girlfriend.
“I deadpanned”
I love Hachiman.
“there’s only one thing you have any lust for”
Just the mere mention of Saki would cause Hachiman to react. He really does love her too much…and it brings Saki both happiness and pain.
“her newfound penchant for innuendos at alL”
I love this writing of Komachi.
“Is there something you want, or are you just bored?”
She enjoys talking to her brother.
“Of course not. They all love me!”
Komachi is ‘Hachiman, but better.’ She is a scary person.
“has adopted what she calls an ‘open’ approach to flirting”
That confirms it, Hikigaya Komachi is evil. And I thought Iroha was bad.
“she broke men’s hearts as if she had been born to do it”
I wonder what kind of man would be able to capture the heart of someone like Komachi.
“She very rarely entered an actual relationship”
Hmm.
“they fell for her in spite of the warning signs”
Okay, seriously, GOF, you could write an entire story focusing on Komachi here.
“I convinced someone to buy a router in exchange for a date yesterday”
…Komachi and Iroha would be best friends, wouldn’t they? Those two working together…now there’s a terrifying story synopsis.
“Only my big brother is good enough for me!”
Does she truly hope to find someone who is like her brother?
“You and her put every other couple in the world to shame”
They…really do. And Haruno’s request to Hachiman? I’d say Hachiman and Saki are already concrete evidence that true love exists. And to Hachiman, true love is not a feeling but a choice.
“Most of the love stories I hear”
How many of Komachi’s peers who have either seen Hachiman and Saki or have heard about them from Komachi envy the couple?
“what’s with the resistance”
Komachi wants Hachiman to ask Saki to marry him. The problem is whether Saki would say ‘yes’.
“Tell me what you think you’ve done wrong”
Komachi is going to talk to Saki sooner or later if Hachiman keeps stone-walling her. And he knows it.
“a private matter between the two of us”
He loves Saki so much that he won’t speak about this even to Komachi.
…huh. Now there’s a possibility; how Komachi would react if Hachiman were to choose to side with someone other than her.
“Komachi had never been in love as I was”
Komachi is the protagonist of her own story.
“About a year before”
So they have been dealing with it for a year now.
“we never quite recovered”
…
“get herself checked before we committed permanently”
…yeah. She loves him too. She does not want him to be married to a barren woman who could not give him a family.
“always come crashing down the moment she told her partners that she couldn’t have kids”
What do the rest of the Kawasakis think of Hachiman?
“I didn’t care”
(looks at Yukino in this story) It isn’t you, Saki. It’s him. You being barren or not, he would have pursued the case regardless.
“found herself assuming…only really staying out of guilt”
Saki, Hachiman DOESN’T CARE ABOUT THAT. God damn it, I’d recommend she undergo psychiatric therapy.
“Yukinoshita Yukino never cared much for what I wanted”
This story is making me nervous.
“it should have been the other way around”
Yukino is frightening in this story.
“The unnatural beauty…almost too well proportioned”
I thought of House Targaryen.
“Tell me your name”
It is very important for Yukino that she learns Hachiman’s name.
“The crawling sense…telling me to walk away, walk away now”
…this is a Horror story, isn’t it?
“She smiled, but a little sadly, and I kissed her again to rid her of the sadness”
This story is so damn cruel to Saki…
“I held her so tightly it couldn’t have been very restful”
If anything were to happen to her, he would be devastated.
“kept on flicking back to”
The hook has gotten into him; a case that just wouldn’t let go. This is why I call Hachiman a True Detective.
“just beneath our window”
It seems that Yukino needs to be within a certain distance of Haruno at all times. The two have to be tied to each other in some way.

Wow the writing is top-notch. Very good so far, looking forward for more!

Ok, it actually felt like i was reading some Haruki Murakami's novel.

“Hachiman’s life with his partner, Kawasaki, is interrupted”
You are cruel, GOF.
“the sister of the famous model”
This is probably how most people thought and think of Yukino.
“she should have died ten years ago”
This is going to be one interesting story.
“It’s a ghost story, but not in a frightening or disturbing sense”
I can see the Service Club arguing on how to put a wandering spirit to rest.
“somewhat a romance”
Even in Oregairu, Hachiman loves and cares for Yukino in a way that he doesn’t for anybody else. The same is true for his feelings toward Yui, Iroha and Kawasaki. Said it before; Yukino and Yui oppose some aspects of him, while Iroha and Kawasaki don’t seem to have any problems with his personality or character.
“Hachiman never met the Yukinoshitas at high school”
Yukino is one of the most important people in Hachiman’s life. When he first met her, he was taken aback at the realization that someone like her – wealthy, beautiful, intelligent, etc – could also be bullied, tormented and ostracized. She captivated him, while Hayato captivated many others.
“they always lived in Tokyo”
The big, bustling metropolis that is the beating heart of Japan. Locations, residences, academies, places of work…changing just one of these is big. So, Yukino never enrolled into Sobu High and in all likelihood was in another high school in Tokyo.
“even more high profile family/business”
Interesting. Hachiman in this story may find himself treading dangerous waters in his quest to learn more about the allegedly deceased second daughter of the Yukinoshita family.
“I know exactly how this story will end…the inbetween chapters will be something I discover as I write”
I smiled at this.
“I didn’t dream her”
She is not a hallucination or fantasy, and I doubt he’s even seen so much as a photo or picture of her before meeting her in this story.
“Everybody has to make choices”
Captain Martin Walker: ‘You gave us no choice.’ – Spec Ops: The Line.
“a choice can yield such a profound influence…wondering whether they should have chosen differently”
I’m guessing that Hachiman won’t be forced to investigate the Yukinoshita family; that instead he’d be voluntarily choosing to do that when he could have just walked away.
“giving me more of a ‘no-regrets’ outlook on life”
He is resolute in his commitment to Kawasaki Saki.
“All I did was catch her eye”
This story is not going to have a happy ending, is it?
“she looked like Yukinoshita Haruno”
I thought of Robert and Stannis Baratheon.
Considering that you are currently writing an ASOIAF story (which sadly I cannot review until I have read/watched Code Geass), I am very curious of how you may write Stannis, aka the ASOIAF character whom I consider to be a male version of Yukino (Setsura at Spacebattles and Questionable Questing writes in his ASOIAF/Oregairu story that Stannis is ‘Yukino, but worse’)
“really famous model…on the cover of all the fashion magazines”
I wonder if Haruno is happy, miserable, or crazy.
“The only clothes…a dark school uniform”
Hachiman may attempt to learn more about Yukino’s high school.
“she insisted we meet much later in the evenings”
Here’s hoping Hachiman told Saki about that meeting.
“the light served as a cruel reminder that she wasn’t truly there”
I thought of Bunny Girl Senpai.
“intrude on my life”
Oof. So she is an unwelcome and uninvited associate.
“it would have been better if”
Why, out of everybody else, could he alone see and interact with her?
“I just turned twenty eight two weeks ago, but I was still twenty seven when all of this happened…it’s almost ten months to the day”
Interesting. So this is the time frame and structure of the story.
“I have only ever had sex with two people in my life”
Hachiman’s relationship with Yukino in this story is highly unlikely to be sexual. Still, there is a reason that in this chapter he is referring to her as an intruder.
“The first was a dreadful one night stand”
In some ways, it probably helped him in the long-run. What if the woman had developed an unhealthy attachment or obsession with him?
“Thankfully, we were both very drunk”
For some reason, I find Hiriko to be an interesting character despite having no lines or appearances so far.
“She was the best thing that ever happened to me”
This made me smile. In terms of compatibility, I agree with you that Kawasaki would have the most stable and least rocky romantic relationship with Hachiman out of the four.
“completely and utterly obsessed with”
I thought of the Afterlife TV series by Ricky Gervais.
“why-would-you-do-that?”
This made me chuckle. They are such an adorable couple that it’s’ sickening.
“…are you lying?”
Ha!
“if we wanted to get to work on time”
So how often does this happen, Hachiman and Saki both being late for work?
“This annoyed me for some reason”
I love this relationship already. The dialogue is so well-written.
“gone to the same high school…at that age we had rarely spoken. We only really started talking at Chiba University”
I wonder how Saki struggled with and/or managed to overcome the problem of supporting both her family and her own education in this story in which the Service Club never existed. She’s a tough person, she probably figured something out on her own.
“By our third year”
Yep, it would progress quite naturally, Hachiman and Saki. In Oregairu, however, Saki finds herself facing stiff competition in the form of Yui, Yukino and IROHA. Don’t know why I typed that last one in all-caps, but I’m not changing it.
Man, there aren’t enough Oregairu stories in which Kawasaki and Iroha interact.
“Six years later”
So they’ve known each other for around nine years.
“Neither of us cared all that much about punctuality”
This made me snicker. They’re too happy being with each other to care much for their jobs.
“I am not exactly unattractive”
Saki isn’t about looks, otherwise she’d be interested in Hayato.
“trying against all hope to keep her chest down”
I wonder what Haruno thinks of Kawasaki.
“sultry and effortless”
And without even trying. Though she is skilled in Karate.
“If I got my way, no one would ever see you but me”
Okay, I hate them already.
“angry as a rabid dog…I would have got into a fair few fistfights”
He has developed a jealous streak as a result of his relationship with her. He values her far too much.
“our crummy old TV”
Ha!
“hardly enough to keep our landlord happy”
For some reason I thought of Charlie’s landlord in It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
“if we both wanted to eat properly for the month”
They do not have much money, and have been together for six years. Yet those years have clearly been happy for both of them.
“We both worked non-regular time”
Oof. Here’s hoping they’d both get better jobs.
“elementary school…high school”
Well, Saki helps care for her younger siblings, so such a job may suit her. Hachiman? Hm, there’s an ongoing fanfic entitled ‘My Typical Adolescent Life FUBAR’ in which Rumi is the protagonist and Hachiman her highschool homeroom teacher.
“If I’d known back then”
You’re going to be cruel to both of them, are you GOF?
“You might want to take a different route to the school”
If he had heeded her advice…
“It’s odd, but I think I preferred it just before we left for work”
It is indeed odd.
“Thinking about Saki now is enough to drive me half-mad”
Love honestly is a form of craziness.
“she would have always found me at some point”
Wait, what?
“The world is an unfair place to take you away from me”
All this possible foreshadowing is making me worried.

Damn this is good. More please

Holy shit.
That's what I call a good plot, poor Saki, she doesn't deserve that kind of angst development, being unable of bear kids.
But well, our fish - eyed loner loves her a lot to overcome that kind of shit like a champion, good for you Hachiman!

This a good chapter author-san.

Keep the good work !

N

man what a story dude make haruno the yandere

Good creepy start.