Ok just wondering, I’ll be waiting patiently when your ready to finish it
this was a pretty cute fic too

I really liked this story. It wasn’t too long and it felt like something you would actually see the characters doing in the show. The fact that it was so simple yet so fitting gave it nearly as much life as a lot of these other 1000 word stories (not that there’s anything wrong with writing a long story of course).
The one thing that I might suggest improving on was how you described the actions of the characters. In one of the final paragraphs you described Alastor using the laser pointer along the lines of, “Alastor looks at the device in his hand. He turns it on, the neon dot appeared on the wall.” Being too abrupt with the description of a character’s actions can make them seem more forced than natural. For instance, in horror stories you wouldn’t write, “She opened the door.” You’d write something like “She approaches the door slowly as a cold sweat broke out all over her body. She didn’t want to know what was on the other side of that door, but it was the only way out. Taking a deep breath, she slowly turned the doorknob and pulled open the door.” It’s certainly much more writing, but it helps to give your characters more life through their actions by giving a kind of build-up to their actions.
Again, I really liked this story. It felt like an outtake or a deleted scene from the show because it just fit so well.

I really like this. It’s not a large story about some monumental event in the lives of the Hazbin characters, but just a story about the every-day shenanigans that the characters could get into. The fact that it isn’t some massive arc of a plot just makes it better. It’s a quick, fun story and the fact that it’s so simple and fits so well gives it more life than some of of the 8,000 word stories (not that there’s anything wrong with writing a large story of course).
The one thing that I thought could have been improved upon was how you described a character performing an action.
In one of the final paragraphs for example, when Alastor goes to turn the laser pointer on, your wroteAlastor looks at the device in his hand. He turns it on.”
There’s nothing majorly wrong with it, but it just makes the action seem more forced than natural. A better way of putting it may have beenAlastor inspected the device in his hand. He ran his thumb down its side until it was stopped by a small button. Taking a moment to make sure no one was watching, he turned it on.” Sometimes being time abrupt in describing an action can make it feel more forced than natural within the story. Sometimes it’s good to offer a little bit of build up so as to give more life to their actions.
Other koi

Can you put a link to your YouTube channel?