Damn this story is so good. I thought that it wouldn’t have much of a plot because sans wasn’t in the major events and could just fix them easily, but by adding Chara there is actual tension and a threat to sans. I’m glad that you added her because it help the story be original. Question: Has Sans experienced a pacifist run? Because if he has then why not add in frisk, just so frisk can be an adorable 8 year old livin with sans.

I like the concept for your story. However, some of it is poorly executed. The grammar could be better and the OC is a bit annoying. I do think that you can still improve though. I’ll be waiting for the next chapter.

tjanks

tbh I also fel stupid for saying that I'm pulling an all nighter

The thing about story telling is to tell a story in the way that others enjoy or you enjoy telling.

If you're going to be posting a story and want to see praise, then you should focus more on the enjoyable story.

I, myself, have made short stories and have experience with storytelling.
(I do not call myself an Author, none of the stories on that I have made are good in my opinion, on the other hand, I have made a narration of a story I myself created and many enjoy it.)

There are plenty of minor details that are completely overlooked.

For example, how the story is told.
You tell your story with rather lacking grammar, spelling, and make plenty of mistakes.

As what the Guest was saying, I still agree with their comment. You make an OC that is completely impossible for you to actually insert into the world because you have little idea on how to go on about it.

It's more frustrating to make a character that you just can't actually do and try to make them act in character constantly and isn't good for beginner writers like yourself.

Now, moving onto that moron who is supporting you with their undying will...
"Also
you've never published a book is a valid point because they dont know how hard it. is to write"
No. Shut the fuck up. You're the same type of person who believes that video game critics require understanding on how to program in C or any other programming language.

Your reasoning is moronic and pitiful and makes no sense.

Let's say I'm reviewing music.
Do I HAVE to have an intense music degree to say, "This song is quite dull and could do better with higher tempo, blah blah blah here and here, this is where they could have added a snare, blah blah blah"

No.
It's simply a consumer's thoughts
which is why I'm still a critic.

Your reasoning is retarded, go back to school.

Telling yourself "I am just kid" doesn't give you the excuse since some writers who are adults and beginners in writing don't know what to do in situation like yours or similar to it and the message you wrote here indicate that your beginner in writing and you sound smart enough to know whats right or wrong and you didn't have to make this message since you can read the question and move on.

Second, you should allow and encourage rude comments rather than discouraging it as it might helps you improve as writer.

Thirdly, If there is a rude comment, just ignore it unless the comment has good criticism but you dont have to respond to it.

Lastly, what the Guest said is correct, you need beta to help you out and adding your personal OC sound just forced in and mary sue for beginner in writing.

I am sorry I sound like asshole but this is my personal point of view about you as writer and your story as well the message you written here. Please do not be discourage by my comment, go keep writing. If you feel like you want to change this story, you can first go practice writing before coming back to rewrite this story again.

also, have you heard of webnovel?
more people may see this if you put it on there, but it's up to you
Also
you've never published a book is a valid point because they dont know how hard it. is to write

Ignore the fucking dicks there everywhere

I must agree with the Guest review you poorly attempted to deflect.

First of all, any moron who goes "you criticize this yet you've never published any stories" is a moron. Plain and simple. That's not a proper rebuttal, that's just pure stupidity. Why would someone criticizing something else need to make good stories?

Also, you're literally feeling like the other writers who fail.
The ones who look at actual criticism and go, "Meh, it's rude. I'm gonna completely skip it."

Your story isn't that good and it's incredibly obvious.

I was going to give it the benefit of the doubt but with that single author's note for this chapter, I've lost any possible respect for your future writing.

There's a reason why the best writers listen to fans and critics.

did
did I just now get notified or what
I am conf

Thats another promise Sans will hace to break, just like the one he have to Toriel

THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU
Eh hem
I almost dropped this

Pretty cool. I see you added in a bit if DustTale. That being said it is a bit hard to follow.

I don't like Ozpin.

Are Sans and Weiss siblings?