I think is too short.

But I think it was good.

But what about anoyher chapter in wich Shinji miracoulsly recovers.

That might be cool.

Well I think this story was good. Angsty and dark, I liked how you actually switched Asukas and Shinjis places without making it sound kind of of course and the ending was great.

Man for a first, this is good

Interesting enough I suppose. The fight could use a little more detail...

I'll have to read more of your writing before I can make any assumptions