This fanfic's start is really interesting and i feel for both Keitaro who is in a relationship with perhaps a truly frigid, if not honestly outright abusive as I believe her to be, woman in Naru. Now I am not a basher, or I try not to be, but the woman is WAY to freaking harsh on males and why Motoko is too, I think she learned a bit more on control than Naru did.

Regardless Motoko going to the past in a heartbroken wish for a second chance is interesting and I will enjoy seeing how Motoko will handle this trip to the past, as well as the old lesson of the ripple effect for her actions changing things. Now older and wiser in mind, but in the body of her younger self she can right the wrongs and try to win his heart, but how will Tsukuro, I believe that is her name, handle the aura of Motoko is now older and wiser during her visit in the future?

I look forward to seeing how Motoko deals with seeing Keitaro in the past, trying to win his trust and heart, as well as navigating how many problems Keitaro has to deal with. Namely his unfortunate luck and Naru's quick and honestly toxic view on males.

Awesome! More! And it seems the others may have 'echos' of the future in them. Motoko's just the one conscious of it.

I was reading this story, then I realized,... It was over at the sixth chapter, bummer man, I was really into the story, hope I see more or your work

Wow, this story is absolutely amazing I can see just how much background work you must have put in to get the level of detail you have achieved, all while keeping characters very much in sink with the original work.

Even if I agree with you that Naru bashing tends to push Keitaro to doormat level, its good to see how you've been able to steer clear of that and keep an integral character central to the story.

I do hope this story gets updated soon, though I do understand that life does tend to throw some serious curve balls at times it will be well worth it for such a grand story as this.
Lyther

A great chapter. I have to agree on your opinion regarding Naru's portrayal in this fic and other fics. Embellishing her bad points in other fics has become as annoying as her temper in canon.

While this is a very entertaining story in its own right, let me just express my admiration towards your perspective on the characters. I personally abhor bashing, and the fact that you make such a point of avoiding it (and the reasons you do so for) both delights and impresses me. Let me commend you on your integrity.
Other than that, I can't really think of a lot more to critique on this story. You made no glaring mistakes, at least not as far as I was able to discern, and the story in itself is both well written and interesting enough to have captured my interest for this far... which is not a bad feat in and of itself. I consider myself an avid reader, but I'll be the first one to admit that my personal standards on literature might exceed the general quality of most fan fiction by a substantial quality. And I generally dislike to compromise on that.
Oh, and just from a purely orthographic view: I found both your spelling and grammar were excellent, which is a sort of pet peeve of mine on this site. It sort of shows that people take this thing here actually a bit serious, which is always nice to see.

Motoko got some competition. You made it a lot more difficult for her to win Kei over.
I still hope she gets the prize to be with Keitaro.

Why dont you continue with this story? We need more.

Nice! Post more!

Conti! The Fic is Nice, is Good. xD

I couldn't care if you bash anyone or not as long as you keep it in character. It's not bashing if you balloon the character it something nearly unrecognizable, anyway.

Pretty good story so far, and the format seems fine to me. I just hope we won't have to wait another year for the next chapter. And I didn't know that that pic of Motoko neck-snappity-ing Naru was your own work. You certainly have talent.

Nice chapter.

I have to ask what made you used that quet from Eternal Darkness of all things for the names of the Inturludes?

NOOOOOO no more chapters...and it was a really good story, heck in a good number of ways i think that's its better than the anime (but that may be my inner Kei x Motoko shipper speaking)

I really hope you can continue this story one day. But I guess until that day I really loved the story

Always felt Mutsumi woulda been best for Keitaro. Followed by either Kitsune or Motoko, then Shinobu. Of every girl in the series, I thought Naru was probably the worst for him.

great story