indeed the writing has plenty of room for improvement and perhaps not detailed enough. i still like this story and how simple yet complicated it is. its rather unique cuz the conflict hardly exist and everyone is strangely happy at the end. u prefer the chap 4 ending. i think arty will remain single forever. unleds holly marries him

but who is the youngest artemis holly daughter father

yeah it was good

ok, this story... abso-frickin-lutely the best short story i've ever read.. u r an awesome writer. thank u for writing this. (had a bit of a sucky day, this was a great distraction. lol)
but yeah, sweet story!
-Blitz

ok im so confused.. 5 sec's after posting, i tried again just for the heck of it.. and it worked. soooo weird..

...i got a 403: restricted error on ch's 4&5.. so i can't finish it! :(

wait wait are you fucking kidding me he had sex when he was 10 lucky i should have been him i would have been drunk last year

aw artemis never really sees her again

good good now dance my little puppet.

good job keep up the good work

then holly suddenly reveals herself to artemis and gets throat deep in his tounge

It wa amasing!

Hey, the kid's 13. He shouldn't be thinking about making love to holly, that's disgusting and disturbing. You should seriously consider changing his age to be older if he's going to be engaging in those thoughts.

Love it, you should move to a more adult storyline. Your good at it

That was a pretty good test in chap. 5. I think most ppl would have just made Holly come back and F*ck artemis for eternity.(I certainly would have). Thank You for this story

three kids named artemis? i guess it simplifies life a little.

"ARTEMIS!"

STAMPEDE.